My heart hasn’t felt this bad in a while.
I thought four days off would be long enough for it to stop feeling like crap, but I guess not... :/
I thought four days off would be long enough for it to stop feeling like crap, but I guess not... :/
Forums Serious Talk Confessions (Make a Confession)
I don’t know how to navigate through losing you.
I don’t know how to grieve when everyone else is treating me like I am the new you- the person everyone dumps their shit on.
How did you do it? I’m not going to do it.
I’m grieving, I’m hurting too!
To heck with them honestly.
Nobody talks to me
Nobody acknowledges me
You died but I became a f***ing ghost.
I don’t know how to grieve when everyone else is treating me like I am the new you- the person everyone dumps their shit on.
How did you do it? I’m not going to do it.
I’m grieving, I’m hurting too!
To heck with them honestly.
Nobody talks to me
Nobody acknowledges me
You died but I became a f***ing ghost.
Foever in my heart
Spookums 11/25/18
Angus 6/23/19
Mom 6/29/19
Dad 11/29/2021
Spookums 11/25/18
Angus 6/23/19
Mom 6/29/19
Dad 11/29/2021
TSUN ★ TSUN ★ TSUN (≖︿≖✿)
Not sure why, but each time I go talk to a therapist, I feel worse than I did before I went. ): This new therapist makes me feel a bit anxious because she is ignoring my past diagnosis of a personality disorder and trying to say it’s a mood disorder based on the first 5 minutes of us meeting... I can tell she wants to throw meds at me even though I said I don’t want any...
(✿ ♡‿♡) DERE ★ DERE ★ DERE
My rainbow is fading.
I try so hard to keep shining, for those who need me.
I hope I can get out of here while there is enough left of me to save.
I try so hard to keep shining, for those who need me.
I hope I can get out of here while there is enough left of me to save.
Oh my love, I know you are my candyman
And oh my love, let us fly to bounty land~~
Közi (“Kouji.”)
He/him
wow i hate being codependent and i hate having all my close relationships and friendships be codependent and god. goooood. i wish i was done with this shit but as soon as i break free from this one, i'll be left spinning adrift in space until i latch onto, fucking surprise, another codependent relationship. i really fucking suck! why do i keep trying to mother people, when i don't even know what that means, because my own mother might as well have not existed for all the crap and neglect she put me through. people take advantage of my desire to want to help them and be there for them. but at what cost? this latest one has been pushing me towards a psychotic breakdown and he makes me worry so much, then tells me i couldn't make a difference anyway, others have tried. how could i believe i would be different then? why do you want me to stay? i told you i couldn't fuck with this anymore! if you won't let me talk about how much you're hurting me and making my guilt and shame worse, then just let me break things off lmao fuck you
★
I feel like I'm living at 10x speed. the days pass by and I can't keep up. it's like going into your fridge to grab some milk you bought yesterday, only to find out it's expired because you actually bought it 3 weeks ago. I have this deeply-rooted feeling that time is running out, and it makes me anxious, and stressed, and scared...
goddamn im dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb
I really don't want to go to work tomorrow or the whole of the week honestly. I wanna quit and go elsewhere but where? My cv is dumb and i have nothing of note, and my parents gonna say well why are you leaving this job if youre just gonna sit around doing fuck all at home all the time like before but hhhh i cant go back to uni to finish my degree i cant do it i think ill break again, hnng
Is it bad that sometimes i think about a death in the family happening and i use that as my excuse to quit work because i dont wanna go back
Why am i here
Its not even a bad job i guess its just i dont like it i dont want to go back please dont make me go back i want to go home but home stopped being home when time moved on hnng i dont want to live here anymore but i have no money where the fuck am i supposed to go i dont want to be here anymore i love my mother more when im away from her there's too many dogs here and people ask me to do things and i can never say no and i hate it and some people don't even say please or thank you when i offer something like please that hurts like i was being nice and youre taking me for granted
Hnng have i really become so dependent on my friend, havent seen her in two/three weeks and this is what im reduced to?
Pathetic little shit huh why am i still in this town i cant even leave the fucking country coz home affairs dont wanna renew me a dumb fucking passport
I want to go home
I really don't want to go to work tomorrow or the whole of the week honestly. I wanna quit and go elsewhere but where? My cv is dumb and i have nothing of note, and my parents gonna say well why are you leaving this job if youre just gonna sit around doing fuck all at home all the time like before but hhhh i cant go back to uni to finish my degree i cant do it i think ill break again, hnng
Is it bad that sometimes i think about a death in the family happening and i use that as my excuse to quit work because i dont wanna go back
Why am i here
Its not even a bad job i guess its just i dont like it i dont want to go back please dont make me go back i want to go home but home stopped being home when time moved on hnng i dont want to live here anymore but i have no money where the fuck am i supposed to go i dont want to be here anymore i love my mother more when im away from her there's too many dogs here and people ask me to do things and i can never say no and i hate it and some people don't even say please or thank you when i offer something like please that hurts like i was being nice and youre taking me for granted
Hnng have i really become so dependent on my friend, havent seen her in two/three weeks and this is what im reduced to?
Pathetic little shit huh why am i still in this town i cant even leave the fucking country coz home affairs dont wanna renew me a dumb fucking passport
I want to go home
I miss you so much but I cannot tell you to your face because no matter what I do you will never accept me and my family. I will forever love you from afar... I love you mommy.
★
you ever have one of those dreams that's so specific you know exactly what your subconscious is trying to tell you?
awful dream, I'm.... like really disturbed holy shit
I didn't need that imagery but I'm never gonna forget it now huh
I need to make this right but I don't know how...
awful dream, I'm.... like really disturbed holy shit
I didn't need that imagery but I'm never gonna forget it now huh
I need to make this right but I don't know how...
I don't know if this counts as a confession really but like I'm in a really weird place mentally and physically.
I've been losing weight pretty well since about late May. I had lost about 30 lbs, mostly thanks to an appetite suppressant I was taking.
I was also eating really well, and a lot less. Like I wasn't annoyingly snack-ish all through the day. I had to stop taking it because
I needed to take a different medication for something unrelated and it was reacting. Plus, it probably wasn't good to take it for that long anyway.
I've fallen back into some bad eating patterns. Mostly because I haven't been able to afford healthier food. But also just snacking more. I gained back like 5 lbs. Which doesn't sound that bad when I type it, but it makes me feel really shitty. Plus I am just feeling bloated. Like I am acutely aware of my stomach at all times. I have been meaning to exercise more, but I've only been able to get myself to go on like one bike ride a week. Other days I am just too tired and can't muster the energy. I guess it is better than nothing but there was a time when I was at least doing 3 times a week. I need to get back into my patterns. Not to sound like a druggie but I severely miss not being so damn hungry all the time. It was so nice just like, not thinking about food as much. I was hoping the habits would last after I stopped the medicine.
I've been losing weight pretty well since about late May. I had lost about 30 lbs, mostly thanks to an appetite suppressant I was taking.
I was also eating really well, and a lot less. Like I wasn't annoyingly snack-ish all through the day. I had to stop taking it because
I needed to take a different medication for something unrelated and it was reacting. Plus, it probably wasn't good to take it for that long anyway.
I've fallen back into some bad eating patterns. Mostly because I haven't been able to afford healthier food. But also just snacking more. I gained back like 5 lbs. Which doesn't sound that bad when I type it, but it makes me feel really shitty. Plus I am just feeling bloated. Like I am acutely aware of my stomach at all times. I have been meaning to exercise more, but I've only been able to get myself to go on like one bike ride a week. Other days I am just too tired and can't muster the energy. I guess it is better than nothing but there was a time when I was at least doing 3 times a week. I need to get back into my patterns. Not to sound like a druggie but I severely miss not being so damn hungry all the time. It was so nice just like, not thinking about food as much. I was hoping the habits would last after I stopped the medicine.
TSUN ★ TSUN ★ TSUN (≖︿≖✿)
(✿ ♡‿♡) DERE ★ DERE ★ DERE
The truth behind Reaping Ritual 2019
Art by the rightful Mayor, Kiwi
I keep having nightmares of you. You are always chasing and attacking me. I wonder why I dream of you this way. It scares me. I wake up missing the good parts of you. I force myself to remember exactly why I cut you off for good. My mind misses you. I hate this feeling.
°<°art by Keturah🖤🦖🖤
I have always wanted to do this career. Always.
Now that I'm 6 years in, I hate it.
Idk if it's this group. idk if it's the ridiculous demands. Idk if it's the micromanaging...
but I do know that I'm miserable.
Now that I'm 6 years in, I hate it.
Idk if it's this group. idk if it's the ridiculous demands. Idk if it's the micromanaging...
but I do know that I'm miserable.
Please ping! I get distracted easily.
Feeling cold all the time stresses me the eff out. Why am I like this!
Always ping me please. 
i struggle a lot with mental illness and trauma behind closed doors. i've been diagnosed with three different illnesses, but i'm scared they won't go away and my diagnosis will change to some disorder that scares everyone away from me.
You know today's gonna be bad when you stumble walking up stairs from a tiled room and your first thought once your body automatically catches itself from falling is "god, I wish I'd fallen and split my head open"
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Having you as a Voltie would be awesome.