Jolly's posts

I can't even remember how I came about this awesome seasonal event, just kinda seemed like the admin Elissinia appeared out of nowhere and welcomed me in. I'm usually quite shy on discord but this one felt oddly... not cliquey! It has been SO NICE participating with them :D

Here are the entries I've done





This next one was part of the "mini" event tier, where you're only required to draw something of about $25 minimum value.
The other two were to be $75 minimum value, so a lot more to them :D


I always love drawing things for others, but with something like this where there's some motivation for it and I dont feel like I have high pressure. Usually theres about a month and a half to the deadline.

https://artexchange.carrd.co/]exchange carrd - I know autumn exchanges will be starting up again soon. I'm debating on taking a break or not, knowing there wont be a winter exchange (they take a break then). But I might end up moving maybe, so..? :vanora_upsidedown:


Anyway-- any of you join exchange/secret santa events kinda like this? OR THIS ONE?
:D

@totalanimefan:
Yesss I'm trying to! I'm always so bad at being consistent online XD
but I like being on here

THANK YOU ALL

@totalanimefan:
I HOPE TOO
but honestly even if I dont, this opportunity had me doing a bit of research on the location and it gives me an idea of where we'd want to try out next! Since we haven't quite found a city that we feel home in yet. Could become the next goal to work toward :D

MAYBE I CAN ACTUALLY
B U Y
A HOUSE ... !!
This raise would be enough if I liked the area

how on earth did i come this close and this far after only a year ago I was living off rice cause i was too poor
;;;;; A;;;

I work in a company that only promotes from within, which is cool, but they require you to move to get promoted. blabla avoid animosity bla bla bla

Anyways there's one 2 hours from here that popped up in my work email today. I tossed my name into the hat, so hopefullyyyyyy
I'll have a phone interview with the regional for that area next week. Maybe I'll win and get this raise!!!

ALL THE GOOD LUCK CHARMS AND PRAYERS ECT
o/

I'm tired of moving but I hate this apartment anyways. smells like tobacco all the time. XD

She issss so tiny! She's 5 months old, vet says she's pretty small for her age so I'm wondering if something had stunted her growth.
She was a stray before the shelter got her. Or she could just be small!

Very noodly too :''''D


@Vii:
Aww yeah I'm always really worried if she'd ever slip outside. But so far she hasn't been very interested.
We have her harness trained (surprisingly easy) and I have a backpack carrier (I hate the tiny plastic crates, this one is less dark and has a cat bed in it!). So its easy getting her out to go places, but currently the outdoors are too scary for her so I dont push it.

Shiva's been sick for a few weeks from something the shelter was treating her for, but chose not to tell us about. So she went a while without treatments until we could get her scheduled at the vets.
More or less a bacterial infection making her sneeze and cough a lot. After a few days of meds, she's doing sooooo much better and back to stabbing us relentlessly :DD

Shiva: Goddess of Destruction


I love this insane child sm

I looooove the color pallets
There's such a cozy feel
although I end up hating being in customer service jobs more than ever XD but i digress

@Totalanimefan:
@Vii:

Thank you both for talking to me, this has helped me a lot into cooling down and making the right decisions ;;
I'm much happier that I settled down and decided to work it out with him. He is exactly the right person for me, he just still has a little darkness in him from a long-winded trauma that he only very recently got out of. I see his efforts though and even though it still hurts a lot, I dont feel like I'm suffering or anything.
He's cleaning himself up, it'll take time, but I can see that he really means to try and that he values my attempts to push him forward.

Here's to hoping that things go well! Got him m&ms to help with the nervous fidgets and he's definitely eating them out of sake cups to limit consumption (working on self discipline) lmao
Put phones and games down some more, working on creating solid routines and reducing ourselves to 1-2 video games so we dont over indulge and can work on simplifying our downtime. Makes it easier to cut down gaming hours too, and instead read books or do other things that get the brain moving healthily.

@totalanimefan:
siiighhh, ptsd is such a hard thing to live with sometimes. I'm still nervous to call it what it is, but it's very much valid for you too.

I'm glad that the 4 people i relied on during all this had stopped me from doing anything rash. took almost 24 hours to get me to not throw him out as a reflexive decision.

I talked with him more and he's handed over all the ropes. he's not to touch money aside from allowance id provide for gas or necessity. he cleaned the entire home spotless, organized all surfaces and canceled his subs, deleted the mobile games he was pouring money into. we're trying to wipe away all payments from his account and start clean.

it's all minor things but he swears to work on this moving forward and to make it up. we'll see how he redeems himself for 5 months of being slimy

i guess its worth saying, I'm also scared of what he might do to himself if his remorse IS sincere.
hes not threatening anything or anything like that but like.... hes not okay.


everyone i talk with whose close to me or both of us says i should give him the chance, given the context that he needs to learn how to start over after losing abusive family. HRNNNGGHH I'm too angry but I do trust the judgement of my friends.

@totalanimefan:
I immediately stopped seeing who this person is and all I could see are all the demons in my past and a total stranger, all at once. This is why I needed to step aside to clear my head for a few days (and to get through my 11 hour shifts without being emotional). Make sure I'm not judging him for someone else's similar sins..

but I also don't want to set myself up for hurt. this was too much on me. I always give chances, always think that maybe someone could act reasonably.

I have had no issue telling him exactly how I feel without filter. I want to think that his deeply expressed remorse is sincere, but i just never know anymore. so i can hardly give more than silence after last night.
he handed me his wallet to safekeep, so far he's canceled 2 subscriptions and i need to make sure he cancels the rest. he gave me his logins to eye his statements. It feels dirty to hold these things and like such a toxic situation. we have separate finances so i don't like controlling his like this. id like to think he cared enough about me and our fur/feather babies that he wouldn't go this far in the first place.

as always venting on here helps a lot
i have a good support system irl but i cry too much so this is more helpful :'xxx

best they don't know anything

coffee today is more bitter but brings me a hint of relief

maybe two or three of you might remember i had similar trouble with dishonesty or like... is this dude not gonna put equal effort.

i mean.. I'm torn thinking he has been true all along but hides the things that makes him feel less than me. weed and low finances doesn't make anyone less than anyone, but i feel this is a sense in his mind while watching me succeed and fulfill my dreams. while he sits in my shadow, too fussed to lift a finger and can't be honest with anyone. or too depressed to.

hes done some really really hard shit to gain freedom away from his horrible family. he did that, himself, he physically fought for his future and ours together. but he never stopped lying in an area that could destroy all we fought for. money ain't everything but uh.. well we can't have anything without it. not the roof or the food, and we now have 2 animals to care for.

i want to think there's something to redeem here