omg shut the fuck up
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I really, and truly, honestly do look forward to the day my sister and I will be able to walk away from our mother and never speak to her again.
This is not a 'I am dragging my sister away from her mother' thing, this is a 'me and my sister feel the same about our mom' thing.
That woman has spent the last ten years since her husband died, resurrecting him in spirit by literally fucking becoming him.
The alcoholism, the rudeness, the 'I don't give a shit about my kids' mentality, the alcoholism, the 'treat your child like shit the second they turn 18' shit, the alcoholism....
Like honestly, shrink the woman by two inches and make her gain 100 or so pounds and BOOM.
She's a 2.0
It's disgusting to witness and horrible to actually fucking deal with.
I want it over.
I want to be safe and secure with my sister and not have to worry about our bitch ass mom trying to ruin everything in our lives for literally no reason.
This is not a 'I am dragging my sister away from her mother' thing, this is a 'me and my sister feel the same about our mom' thing.
That woman has spent the last ten years since her husband died, resurrecting him in spirit by literally fucking becoming him.
The alcoholism, the rudeness, the 'I don't give a shit about my kids' mentality, the alcoholism, the 'treat your child like shit the second they turn 18' shit, the alcoholism....
Like honestly, shrink the woman by two inches and make her gain 100 or so pounds and BOOM.
She's a 2.0
It's disgusting to witness and horrible to actually fucking deal with.
I want it over.
I want to be safe and secure with my sister and not have to worry about our bitch ass mom trying to ruin everything in our lives for literally no reason.
dude???
I ask you to put your things in the dishwasher, and you say you're in the middle of a game. But you continue playing for another fucking 2 hours and then just go to bed without putting them away???
fuck off
I ask you to put your things in the dishwasher, and you say you're in the middle of a game. But you continue playing for another fucking 2 hours and then just go to bed without putting them away???
fuck off
This new job is stressing me the fuck out and I haven't even really started!
First of all, I was supposed to be getting an email on Friday for details on the 1st day. Haven't received anything in my email from them since the 14th when I had a meeting with the job to set up the equipment and set up my email and all that. I get an automated call today talking about oh yeah training is tomorrow and refer to the email sent on Friday. UMMMMM WHAT EMAIL PEOPLE?!?
So I've contacted the talent acquisition people there by phone and email. I also tried to call and email my coach and there was nothing. Even her email didn't work it just bounced back.
I did see in outlook that there was a meeting for 8am-5pm so I'm assuming that's where the training will be but it's just dumb that they said the email was sent and nothing was sent out. On the 14th, we didn't get any details on what to do expect wait for the email on the 16th. I hardly had any issues on the 14th besides some technical difficulties with Microsoft Teams for the meeting.
I'm just annoyed and usually I'd just be like fuck this job but I really need it and it worked out for my situation right now. And luckily its temp too so I can wash my hands of it after I'm done. I don't have time to be dealing with this with jobs. Like have your shit together. Everything was fine up until this point. This is why people are quitting and looking for better things. I have enough on my plate as it is. There's no reason why that email wasn't sent out at all. and why I have to deal with it.
First of all, I was supposed to be getting an email on Friday for details on the 1st day. Haven't received anything in my email from them since the 14th when I had a meeting with the job to set up the equipment and set up my email and all that. I get an automated call today talking about oh yeah training is tomorrow and refer to the email sent on Friday. UMMMMM WHAT EMAIL PEOPLE?!?
So I've contacted the talent acquisition people there by phone and email. I also tried to call and email my coach and there was nothing. Even her email didn't work it just bounced back.
I did see in outlook that there was a meeting for 8am-5pm so I'm assuming that's where the training will be but it's just dumb that they said the email was sent and nothing was sent out. On the 14th, we didn't get any details on what to do expect wait for the email on the 16th. I hardly had any issues on the 14th besides some technical difficulties with Microsoft Teams for the meeting.
I'm just annoyed and usually I'd just be like fuck this job but I really need it and it worked out for my situation right now. And luckily its temp too so I can wash my hands of it after I'm done. I don't have time to be dealing with this with jobs. Like have your shit together. Everything was fine up until this point. This is why people are quitting and looking for better things. I have enough on my plate as it is. There's no reason why that email wasn't sent out at all. and why I have to deal with it.
Feel free to ping me!
Also, you can call me Seni!
Also, you can call me Seni!
I hate not having money. But it's not like I want to be super rich either.
I just hate how everything depends on money. Money = happiness.
Even though I don't really believe that, it's honestly so hard to participate in society without acknowledging
that money makes the world go round, and money is power, and power is success, and blah blah blah.
Don't even get me started on billionares. And they have the nerve to try and come off as "relatable" to the common people.
"YOu can be like me toO! Just subscribe for $100000 a month to watch my Success Seminars!"
F*ck outta here, mate. Just go blast off into space and STAY THERE.
The two political parties have more in common with each other than the 99% have with the 1%.
All that matters, well... all that SHOULD matter, is being rich with life. Wealthy with love and kindness and peace.
We straight up should be running around naked in the forest, eating blueberries off the bush, taking naps in the sun...
Tf is this "work until you die" shit? At least give us the OPTION to be free, one with nature, as humans are INTENTED to be.
But nooo.. they make it literally impossible to be a member of society without succumbing to money.
Greed man...... avarice is the root of all evil.
I just hate how everything depends on money. Money = happiness.
Even though I don't really believe that, it's honestly so hard to participate in society without acknowledging
that money makes the world go round, and money is power, and power is success, and blah blah blah.
Don't even get me started on billionares. And they have the nerve to try and come off as "relatable" to the common people.
"YOu can be like me toO! Just subscribe for $100000 a month to watch my Success Seminars!"
F*ck outta here, mate. Just go blast off into space and STAY THERE.
The two political parties have more in common with each other than the 99% have with the 1%.
All that matters, well... all that SHOULD matter, is being rich with life. Wealthy with love and kindness and peace.
We straight up should be running around naked in the forest, eating blueberries off the bush, taking naps in the sun...
Tf is this "work until you die" shit? At least give us the OPTION to be free, one with nature, as humans are INTENTED to be.
But nooo.. they make it literally impossible to be a member of society without succumbing to money.
Greed man...... avarice is the root of all evil.
Am I a fucking maid to you!? Can you take some responsibilities yourself at home. All you fucking do is talk on your phone for hours and I have no fucking choice but to tune into it because we live in a small apartment and I sleep on a fucking living room! You don't do the laundry, you don't even sweep or wash the dishes sometimes, you just do nothing! You don't even have a job, you care more of your fucking club and actually do some cleaning once in a blue moon. I do practically clean everything! All I want some help once in awhile but your nothing but a incompetent, whining bitchy little mother!
God why are you such a fucking Karen! :vanora_annoyed:
God why are you such a fucking Karen! :vanora_annoyed:
Still hung up over my ex who dumped me over the phone at the end of May. But he hates me so there's no hope for anything to happen with that.
Sick and tired of working full time while attending grad school. I have no time for myself and can't get into hobbies or socialize as much since it takes up a huge chunk of my time.
Started therapy and feel amazing during sessions but once the session ends I'm like ...okay until the next one.
I feel like I'm just going through the motions and not really living life but feel stuck because I don't know what to do.
Sick and tired of working full time while attending grad school. I have no time for myself and can't get into hobbies or socialize as much since it takes up a huge chunk of my time.
Started therapy and feel amazing during sessions but once the session ends I'm like ...okay until the next one.
I feel like I'm just going through the motions and not really living life but feel stuck because I don't know what to do.
We were fated to pretend
I don't really matter, it don't matter how I feel,
[Post]
There's millions more to take my place and love ain't even real.
[Post]
There's millions more to take my place and love ain't even real.
So my dad has never been that great. He took advantage of my mentally ill mom to give her children she never wanted and then he refused to love them, wheras my mom has done everything to ensure that we feel loved. He isn't anything more than a paycheck cause he doesn't wash dishes unless there's a mountain, and he doesn't do any work outside. No. And who, then, have to do it for him? The cripple and the children! And if his son asked for father/ son time it's always" not right now, I have a lot of work to do" but if he is suspicious of his son? Turns a samurai show on Netflix to show exactly how asleep I am. And when I fall asleep? Hmm. He dragged my mom across the house by her hair and crashed the car she could drive. I just fucking hate that manipulative asshole.
I am evil. You are evil.
We're all evil.
Ping me. I don't bite.
We're all evil.
Ping me. I don't bite.
I'm so mad about the shipping issues I've been having lately. I can't tell if it's incompetence on the part of the shops or deceit by the carrier. Just last night one of my packages was delivered to a neighbor with a personal note from the carrier that it was delivered right at the front door. It certainly wasn't my front door.
I understand how overloaded some of the carriers are, like USPS, but don't lie. This house isn't hard to find, and the numbers are pretty blaring and obvious.
Did you know that once the DMV tried to lie to me about receiving certified mail? It was signed for by a secretary and they swore up and down they had never received it. I had to obtain the signature from the carrier and suddenly I got the, "Oh, yeah, they work here," and an excuse about how there was some kind of construction. Somehow construction on a different floor makes it so that you lie about receiving mail, I guess.
Anyway, I'm just mad about shitty delivery services and then businesses having the audacity to either lie about it or tell you to go door-to-door to neighbors to find what you're owed.
I understand how overloaded some of the carriers are, like USPS, but don't lie. This house isn't hard to find, and the numbers are pretty blaring and obvious.
Did you know that once the DMV tried to lie to me about receiving certified mail? It was signed for by a secretary and they swore up and down they had never received it. I had to obtain the signature from the carrier and suddenly I got the, "Oh, yeah, they work here," and an excuse about how there was some kind of construction. Somehow construction on a different floor makes it so that you lie about receiving mail, I guess.
Anyway, I'm just mad about shitty delivery services and then businesses having the audacity to either lie about it or tell you to go door-to-door to neighbors to find what you're owed.
⋆
Why are jobs so shitty at communicating and reaching out to applicants? I can't tell you how many job applications I've submitted and interviews I've had where I haven't heard back afterward. And whenever I reach out to these jobs to follow up with my status, they completely ghost me. If I didn't get the job, a simple email telling me so would suffice. There's no need to completely ignore me. It kills me that prior to interviewing, email communication seems constant, but the second that interview is done I never hear from them again. And after the interview they'll say "we'll get back to you in a week," but a week, weeks, a month, etc, goes by and I never hear back. Job searching is already hard as it is, but these jobs don't make it any easier.
The thing that kills me even more is that the position I've applied for and really want hasn't been filled since the last time I interviewed for it. After my first interview for the position I reached out to the manager a few times to express my interest in it, only to never hear back. To find out 2 weeks ago that the position never got filled despite me being interested annoys the fuck out of me. If you're looking for someone to take the job and you're having a hard time finding someone for it, why not hire the one person who actually wants it? But that would make too much sense, right? Tuh.
The thing that kills me even more is that the position I've applied for and really want hasn't been filled since the last time I interviewed for it. After my first interview for the position I reached out to the manager a few times to express my interest in it, only to never hear back. To find out 2 weeks ago that the position never got filled despite me being interested annoys the fuck out of me. If you're looking for someone to take the job and you're having a hard time finding someone for it, why not hire the one person who actually wants it? But that would make too much sense, right? Tuh.
DEPRESSION HO
to quote MCR (and the song that's now stuck in my head): I'm not okay
not at all suicidal. but not okay.
I just feel broken. Imploding. Helpless. Aimless.
Facing the fact that I'll never really get anywhere in life. Facing my own emotional immaturity. Facing the fact that I am unwilling to change.
One thousand small cuts. Not one big weight, but an infinite number of tiny ones.
Is this the side-effect of my addictions or the cause of them?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I've met people who've weathered worse and kept it together. I should consider myself lucky and be thankful--maybe I am
I feel like I'm thankful, but am I really?
idk
I don't know who I am. I don't know how to identify my feelings or deal with them in a healthy way.
I don't know what I want. From life, from a career, from a partner. From myself.
I JUST DON'T KNOw
I feel like I wasn't always this mean but maybe that's just
cognitive dissonance
idk
I was spoiled as a kid; didn't ask for it, but it happened because my dad was a single parent trying to compensate, and though I tried not to let it inflate my ego--
well I think it did.
tired of failing at everything I do. tired of never making progress. tired of being weak. tired of being tired.
massive ego + inferiority complex
desire for friendship and companionship, but don't want to talk to people.
desire to go out and be the life of the party, but don't want to leave the house.
desire to be someone and do things. desire to do nothing.
fear of failure.
formal studies. gave up.
japanese. gave up.
RP site. art. stories. all unfinished
I am a book of half-printed pages.
There is protection from near everything, from fire and damages from storm and frost;
oh, add whichever blows may come to mind, but there is no protection from mankind.
oh, add whichever blows may come to mind, but there is no protection from mankind.
okay so we can rant here nice
Okay I am tired of people fucking judging me. I was into this girl in middle school and I didn't tell my mom because she is a christian and I had very religious Aunt and Uncle. So I tell my Bi cousin but she or her sister told my aunt and my aunt told my mom. When my aunt told my mom I was into a girl she said I was going to hell for like a girl. Now after that I told my mom that it was true and she didn't mind but after the girl left before we could even go on a date.Then my mom disclaim that I was Bi and said I was straight because I was now dating a guy. She was like how can you be gay and Believe in god but I didn't believe of god I AM AN ATHEIST but she just didn't understand and she thinks It is weird as well as the fact that she tells me not to tell anyone that I am bi and tries to put in youth groups for Chruch. I love my mom nut she is clueless at times.
I hate these stupid videos of sleeping cats, and then the person just starts fucking dragging the cat, and the cat is clearly unhappy with it??? fuck off, leave the damn cat alone. God that shit pisses me off. It's like when a toddler sees a cat for the first time and starts pulling its tail. But they're grown adults and doing this shit!!! Knock it off! It's not cute.
// AI-COM MNRVA : activate MIDNIGHT EXIGENT(aurora knives)
tbh the only thing that sucks more than getting older is watching your loved ones get older.
my dad is 52. I remember when he was in his 30s and so much younger than everyone else's parents, who were already in their 40s.
He doesn't lead the healthiest of lifestyles, and has been having some health problems lately and I...just wish I could turn the clock back. Not even for me; but for my dad. I can't imagine the thought of losing him. But I also can't imagine celebrating his 70th birthday. Or even 60th. It's F'd up to even think or type such things...and obviously I hope I'm wrong. I hope I'm very wrong; I hope my dad gets to grow old. I hope he gets to meet his grandkid. I hope he gets to experience some peace in his twilight years instead of constantly stressing over everyone and everything else... I hope my dad softens his heart to God.
The fact of the matter is... I thought I had so much more time with Sandy. But now I realise that the signs were there and I was choosing not to see them.
Please don't let this be like that.
I love you so much, dad... I'm sorry I don't call more. I'm sorry I was an asshole as a teenager. I'm sorry I ditched you...but I had to leave when I did, or I would never have left at all.
tbh the only thing that sucks more than getting older is watching your loved ones get older.
my dad is 52. I remember when he was in his 30s and so much younger than everyone else's parents, who were already in their 40s.
He doesn't lead the healthiest of lifestyles, and has been having some health problems lately and I...just wish I could turn the clock back. Not even for me; but for my dad. I can't imagine the thought of losing him. But I also can't imagine celebrating his 70th birthday. Or even 60th. It's F'd up to even think or type such things...and obviously I hope I'm wrong. I hope I'm very wrong; I hope my dad gets to grow old. I hope he gets to meet his grandkid. I hope he gets to experience some peace in his twilight years instead of constantly stressing over everyone and everything else... I hope my dad softens his heart to God.
The fact of the matter is... I thought I had so much more time with Sandy. But now I realise that the signs were there and I was choosing not to see them.
Please don't let this be like that.
I love you so much, dad... I'm sorry I don't call more. I'm sorry I was an asshole as a teenager. I'm sorry I ditched you...but I had to leave when I did, or I would never have left at all.
// AI-COM : return [ Virtual . Integrated . Intelligence ] // end of line
[ often multitasking unsuccessfully ] | [ I may take a while to respond, but haven't forgotten you! ♥ ]
qu'est-ce que tu vas chercher?
qu'est-ce que tu vas chercher?
A very certain avatar website ignored their users and joined an NFT company. It's no surprise, the site is dying and hasn't listened to it's users in many years. Given the recent joke of a black Friday sale, I'm just so bitter at how the site is destroying itself.
I'm hosting a user event over there and people are saying it's better run than any event they did in a long long time and I'm thankful for their kind words but kinda bitter that it's the users keeping that site as good....good? well it's something...but whatever, keeping it as good as it can be given the load of garbage the staff keep giving us.
I like Voltra a lot, but it's not fast enough for me to stay as active as I want although the events always get me because they're so fun and interactive, something this other site just abandoned. (we going on almost a year since the beta of a specific game was to be launched....). I'm just very bitter but it's capitalism. All I can do is stop funneling money into the site. I find Voltra to be more worthwhile with my money anyway.
I'm hosting a user event over there and people are saying it's better run than any event they did in a long long time and I'm thankful for their kind words but kinda bitter that it's the users keeping that site as good....good? well it's something...but whatever, keeping it as good as it can be given the load of garbage the staff keep giving us.
I like Voltra a lot, but it's not fast enough for me to stay as active as I want although the events always get me because they're so fun and interactive, something this other site just abandoned. (we going on almost a year since the beta of a specific game was to be launched....). I'm just very bitter but it's capitalism. All I can do is stop funneling money into the site. I find Voltra to be more worthwhile with my money anyway.
On how 2021 ended and since this damn covid started I've been reflecting a lot on what's going on with my life. I remembered at the end of 2019 I was at least adamant on making some changes with my life, I want to go out often again, start volunteering and form some friendships along the way since I've been isolating myself for so long. Then COVID happened and the many lockdowns and that was hell. I've discovered a new fear of losing the people I care about and being end up a alone around that time and although I learned to live with that fear but is still fucking there.
I try to be positive and had to be my own personal cheerleader and my family was there for me but they were also chaotic to deal with at times. I lost hope a couple of times and maybe even gone suicidal but I know I'm too stubborn to even try to end my life. But after all the bullshit I went through I'm also been emotionally drained. I always knew I dug myself deeper down the rabbit hole and made decisions in the past that I wasn't happy with. I was so good at pushing people away, is so hard for me to even trust someone again other than my family. It never hit me really hard until recently, I start pondering when will I start making changes and fight back? Because so far I just pretended that my problems didn't exist or ran away from it. I just live my daily life not making an effort of making a future of myself and rely on others financially. That's what I hate the most about myself that I wish I can end my own fucking misery for it.
But on the flip side I know I've changed a lot since, but I think I'm at the point that I can't bring myself to move and bring actual changes in my life. Like death is kind of scary but it would be nice to just vanish without bringing others pain and misery for it.
live your life how you want . . .Just when I thought things couldn't fall apart any more than they were
boy was I fucking WRONG wtf
everything is going to shit
probably going to be homeless within a couple of months
both my mom and my best friend are getting their asses nuked by COVID
maybe the sheer amount of caffeine i keep needing will just kill me already what the fuck
boy was I fucking WRONG wtf
everything is going to shit
probably going to be homeless within a couple of months
both my mom and my best friend are getting their asses nuked by COVID
maybe the sheer amount of caffeine i keep needing will just kill me already what the fuck
. . . it\\\'s the only one you get 
AAAAAAAAAAAAA
Olda** mule from 2018, back from its fabulous grave
WARNING: My profile has animated gifs and flashing colours
Olda** mule from 2018, back from its fabulous grave
WARNING: My profile has animated gifs and flashing colours ⋆
Not much of a rant, and I don't feel like going into detail, but I feel so invalidated...
Not much of a rant, and I don't feel like going into detail, but I feel so invalidated...
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Having you as a Voltie would be awesome.