Jolly's posts

@creativitea:
Oh, yes, I relate to all but maybe 4 of these listed in the link you shared lol
Kind of interesting looking at that, there are some things I didn't even notice in myself until I thought about it. Like the facial tics. I like, constantly wiggle my nose, but never realized that was considered a tic. :vanora_xd: it just always wanna be wigglin'
and my mom thought I was schizophrenic when I was younger, I think that's why she had me tested in the first place. It all makes sense ahah

I'd love to read more from the resources you have <3
I know a lot about ADHD, being that I do definitely have that going on, and I also studied it a lot in one of my classes for a research paper.
So it'd be nice to learn about my other potential brain function

@koneko:
It was a really fun class for me. A lot of it seemed like common sense stuff, how to have manners and be respectful, but it still set a really positive and comforting tone :vanora_smile:

@creativitea:
yesss, exactly lol but the way you put it is a lot more comforting to hear, especially since its within context and respect. And understanding that autism is NOT a negative, and shouldn't be brought up in the same breath of calling someone negative or concerning.
I never realized that oversharing was part of that, but I also never studied into autism. I always blame adhd on everything xD but, only jokingly. It helps people to understand my brain a little bit since adhd is becoming more understood these days.

I've been curious to learn more but also have no plans on getting re-tested cause... $$ haha

@koneko:
Yeah! It might be more laid on in an ethics class, kind of like mine, since that's all about how to treat people and respect boundaries. Mine are often more physical related and about professional touch also, since I would never be talking like a psychiatrist. Sharing my skill with a partner or something like that can create an opening for being taken advantage of, manipulated, or receive certain criticisms that would cut more deeply because its someone closer to you.

I feel much better now you guys ;3;
This chat helped, and my best friend also just came online and ksdhgdks he knows me better than anyone (10+ years), so when he says I have nothing to worry about, it is a really helpful reassurance

@koneko:
That's exactly what I study in my college. I don't go full psychology, since I'm studying massage therapy. But we get into ethics and how to have a healthy balance between relationships and our knowledge.
There's even a name for it, can't think atm, but its as you said. Keep it separate. In my case, its "dont massage your partners/family/close friends"

@vessel:
I'm sorry you have to experience similar feelings!
my aspergers was suggested when I was a kid, but the doctor or whatever never officialized it in documentation. Part of her reasoning was exactly that I don't need people to start treating me a certain way because I might be on the spectrum, because it wasn't severe enough to prevent me from living a normal life or something like that (idek if it gets severe enough not to? I don't study this). I take it with a grain of salt and will never claim it has anything to do with me, what would I know lol I was also just a drugged up kid (medicines) so unsure if I could take the diagnosis seriously, can't even remember my state of mind then. So I never should've mentioned it at all, but the context was definitely not one that had any opening for analyzing me. lol

The pet treatment is the absolute worst feeling though. I've had an ex really weigh heavily on my mental state and they really treated me like I was just a nutter. It made me feel dehumanized and like I'll never be taken seriously, and I'm worthy of less, I should be protected and placed in a safe bubble.
Screw that lol

@koneko:
Oh yeah, I probably made it sound more significant initially because of my wording (and I ramble). I wrote this thread at like 3am in the midst of an emotional state hahah
But yeah no, he's someone that I thought about maybe letting closer, hence opening up to him in the first place. But my gut was saying something so I also kept a thick ass wall up lol that conversation kinda ruined it on its own anyways, that hit too big of a trigger.

People who have "studied psychology" here will always find a way to make me open up in a way I normally never do, not even to my former partners, and then use this information to conclude something about me as a person. This happens to people I know also, so not just me. If I had known he studied that, I probably never would have engaged with him in the first place.

@vessel:
Thanks for that input. Honestly, it really is a bad habit of mine normally to be too forgiving of people, like "they meant well" or whatever.
But uh, this wont be someone I continue to associate with for sure. No one has a right to send me into a spiral like this.

@koneko:
Thank you. I'm much less concerned with whether to keep this person in my life or not, I don't have any grand attachment to him. He just opened a can of worms that will now take me a stupid amount of time to shut again.

It dug up an old depressive subject that really sent me into a horrible place a couple of years ago. Just a feeling of being broken, an affirmation that I cannot function like a normal person. I'm too negative of a person because I'm too jaded. Had so many emotional trauma cause I'm too mental to have normal experiences and associations. Too broken and too pitiful and "need help" (but I can't afford it, so its mildly annoying when people push therapy on me as if I've never thought about it before) and the only people who ever get close to me want to take advantage of me or control me like a pet in some way, cause they can see whatever is "wrong" with me.
I shoved all these self-damaging thoughts into oblivion before but now they're back and I know they're all wrong but its so hard to get rid of this feeling.

I felt his intentions were to be enlightening, based on the context and tone of his voice. But then I start to second guess myself, do I actually KNOW the context?
I always struggle to connect with people and context is often lost, I often have misunderstandings, or people don't get what I say or vice versa
This dude singlehandedly tossed me into the biggest existential crisis tonight

@kitalpha hart:
im not sure how obvious i was being. the more time passes and i calm a bit, i wonder if he was reflecting himself onto me?
he started psychoanalyzing me briefly, talking about how i seem to struggle with hearing someone's context. which is something i already wonder about myself, so it's hard to say no. but also... dont.. say these things

*edit: You guys are awesome <33 thanks for helping me through this little episode!


I started chatting with this guy recently on a personal level. I think hes started to like me by what he says, and for a while seemed like we connected pretty well. But we'd always naturally get onto these deep conversations about life and junk.

But we got on a voice call tonight and he started to bluntly ask me if I'm okay, as if something's wrong. Kind of took me off guard.
He said that I've been saying all these negative things, the stories we get on about and stuff. Like I start reflecting and I thought the conversations were mutual, I never felt like I was sounding serious. I felt unconfortable with this question, and I can't figure out if its because he's right, or if I should get away from this person because he's going to make me think hes right. Like just because things happen in our past doesn't mean we're not currently okay? I don't tell stories of my experiences with the desire for sympathy or pity.. most of the time I felt I was answering questions.

He talked about how he studied psychology too. We were talking about other things for a while but we got into adhd and light conversation. Then I mentioned in a tangent that my family thinks I have mild asperger's, but no one else sees that in me. He said he sees it, and explained to me in what ways.
And once again, I can't tell if I'm uncomfortable because he might be right and I gotta reevaluate my life and behaviors or because he might be presumptuous.

Either way, my anxiety has flaired up so much and I'm overthinking and feeling so insecure. At this point in the call, I kept trying to return to light hearted conversations and talking about silly things. But he would stop responding, I thought he disconnected. Figured he was tired, it's late, but it ended so rapidly it made me wonder if I said something wrong.
Maybe it was a bad idea to think about making a new connection like this. Like am I too broken and depressing and I really can't help it, I should give up dealing with other people cause I can't be normal like them

Maybe I'm just tired. I needed to vent though, I get so so insecure about my personality.

@kitalpha hart:
honestly, I dont think I have had a single homework handout or a single test in this entire course that actually matched the current textbooks lol
this one is just the worst because it is specifically meant to quote the chapter

I'm just here to vent because DAFUQ IS THIS HOMEWORK I HAVE
for my Neuromuscular therapy class. We don't go over much bookwork stuff. Like, my instructor might spend an hour breaking down a chapter that we read for homework and its all just vague information. Mostly we're focused on the hands-on stuff. Actually massaging each other and doing stretch techniques and junk.

Then we get this 3 page packet to do for homework, due tomorrow.
I've spent 4 hours so far and I. cant. do. it.
I have never felt so uselessly confused. I mean, I've had some pretty shittily written tests, had to get tutoring because some were just so bad, and my instructor ended up eliminating questions because they weren't right. Incorrect answers or mistyped questions that cause us all grief on a normal basis.

BUT NONE MATCH THE HORRIBLY WRITTEN PACKET THAT IS THIS ONE. for me at least.

Its so friggin vague I don't even know what some of the questions are asking. They're written in a manner like they're quoting the book (and it DOES say which chapter, to narrow it down), but only maybe...2 of them so far actually had the quote in the book. The others don't match up, but they wont even be proper questions like this one I've stopped on
"The __ __ muscles are called __ __"
what
the chapter doesn't, at any point, mention a set of muscles that are called something. In the region of the body that the chapter is about, THERE IS NOTHING that I currently know of, that some set or category of muscles are called a two-worded THING.

WHAT DO YOU WANT, PAPER? USE YOUR WORDS

Then some seem redundant and repeat each other, but in more obnoxious wording. Like there's 3 separate questions that are coherent enough in asking "what are the deepest neck muscles?" phew, I understand what it wants. "what are the most superficial head stabilizers?" weirdly worded, but yes, I can figure this one out. "What are the intermediate head stabilizers?" Got it.
I answered these.
Then its like
"Most superficial are? The intermediate are? The deepest are? What are their movements?"

OK FIRST OF ALL
there ain't enough space to write answers to the last bit, cause each category has a few muscles or more, and many of these have multiple movement/actions. So what the fuck, give me essay space bish D<

SECONDLY WHY ARE YOU ASKING ABOUT MUSCLES LIKE AN IMPATIENT CHILD?? COMPLETE YOUR SENTENCES, WE'RE IN COLLEGE D<<<
And I already answered these questionssss why is it like this


I am learning ZILCH


*update
HAHAHAHAHH it was written for the previous version of this textbook, no wonder some of these questions are barely answerable
waiting until further decisions from instructor
I can finally rest

@totalanimefan:
thanks, and same! We'll see what happens xd