Ark's Post-A-Lot - Voltra Online

Ark

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I can’t turn off my brain. I’m thinking too much about past interactions with bro.

When I told him happy birthday, he responded saying “thank you! 🖤” Since he’s all emo and shit he uses the black heart often, and would send me the heart randomly sometimes or when expressing affection or feelings(?).

Does the black heart mean anything now, or is it just his way of being nice? Does he send it to everyone or just people he likes? I can’t lie, seeing the heart felt reassuring in the moment, but him not talking to me still leaves me at a standstill.

Ark

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There’s no point in overthinking. There’s nothing there.

If he wanted to talk to me, he’d have done it by now. Him not reaching out to me in general is a glaring sign.

Ark

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I went to a concert last night and I had so much fun that I didn’t care that I was alone. [ ‘:

Ark

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That was the last of my March concerts. I went to 4 concerts (5 if you include the emo cover band I saw) and although I’ve had fun, I’m worn out and glad that they’re over for now. @-@

My sister wants me to go to a concert with her in April, but she hasn’t bought the tickets yet and it’s in two weeks. If we go we go, but if not then I’m not upset. I could use that break time to focus on other things.

Ark

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Oh wait, there’s another emo cover band that I want to see this Friday! So that’d be like my first concert-ish of April.

Ark

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Idk if you’d call them an emo cover band. They’re called The Warped Band, paying homage to Warped Tour, so I guess they’d be emo? Emo-ish? Emo adjacent? Idk.

Ark

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It’d be fun to go with dude, but I know that would never happen. Even if I were to randomly ask him he’d probably just ignore me or tell me he’s “too depressed” or “out of town.”

Ark

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I’ve noticed a pattern of whenever I’d ask him to hangout, like go to a show or something, he’d either say yes and then cancel the day of, or he’d be, again, too depressed or out of town.

I know he’s depressed, I know he sometimes has to travel for work, but always when I want to hang out? Meanwhile whenever he’d ask to hang out, get drinks, go to dinner, hook up, whatever, I’d drop everything to go. I’d always make myself available to him (except once when I really needed time to myself), yet it seemed like he only wanted to be available for me on his terms.

Ark

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Le sigh…

It makes me upset because, despite everything, I still like him and I really wish I could spend time with him again. 😞

Man, I hate this.

Ark

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Talking to new people, hooking up with new people, whatever… he’s always on my mind. Deep down I wish I were with him instead of them.

Ark

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Another barback shift of my coworkers having their partners here and me being alone with no one to talk to. Whoop dee doo.

Ark

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And I’m so sleep deprived. I don’t want to be here.

@-@

Ark

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I hope this shift goes by fast. @-@

Ark

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I have no one to talk tooooooooo

Ark

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I feel so useless here.

Ark

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Idk if I’m just old and bitter, but my coworkers are younger than me and I don’t really have the patience to be around them. They’re nice, but I feel so out of place and annoyed around them. 🫠

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