Ark's Post-A-Lot - Voltra Online

Ark

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I have a follow up appointment with my doctor next week to see how I’m doing with the new medicine. I’ll have to tell him that so far I just feel miserable. 😵‍💫

The first medication made me a lifeless zombie, and this medication makes me a nervous wreck.

Ark

Friend PM Trade

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And I feel so siiiiiiicccckkkkkk.

Ark

Friend PM Trade

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It’s been so long since my anxiety’s made me this physically ill.

Ark

Friend PM Trade

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I worry that I’m just a burden.

Ark

Friend PM Trade

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I woke up feeling a slight sense of joy, but is it a false sense? I fear that it’s a set up.

Ark

Friend PM Trade

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Dude’s birthday is tomorrow and I want to tell him happy birthday, but I worry that he won’t respond to me, or block me, or tell me to leave him alone. Thinking of this yesterday made me so anxious that it made me feel sicker. 😞

Ark

Friend PM Trade

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If he doesn’t respond then I’ll have no other choice but to move on.

If he does respond then at least my anxiety will be eased.

Ark

Friend PM Trade

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I don’t think he’ll respond. I’ve experienced this last year with someone else. They were shitty at responding to me and when I told them happy birthday they ghosted me, only to text me a few weeks later saying they didn’t respond on purpose because they felt like I liked them and didn’t want to lead me on.

Idk if it’s fear or a gut feeling, but I wouldn’t be surprised if dude does the same thing…

Ark

Friend PM Trade

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I’m sure he’s not looking for a birthday text from me anyway, so I probably shouldn’t bother…

Ark

Friend PM Trade

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Although, the last time we went out he seemed impressed when I remembered his birthday, so who knows?

Still… I’m sure he wouldn’t care to get a text from me. I’ll see how I feel tomorrow I guess, but there’s a part of me saying it’s not worth it.

Ark

Friend PM Trade

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Le sigh

Ark

Friend PM Trade

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In my life’s experience so far, I’ve learned that anything that causes me such intense anxiety isn’t going to work out or wasn’t meant to be. I should take this as a sign.

The increase in anxiety is also likely from my medication, so it’s been hard trying to rationalize that and keep a leveled head.

Ark

Friend PM Trade

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Like, if I weren’t taking this medication, would I have perceived this entire situation differently? Would I have reacted the way I did and asked him that question? Would I be shaken to my core out of fear at the thought of sending a mere text?

Ark

Friend PM Trade

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Regardless, I’m sure the outcome would’ve been the same.

Ark

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The rational part of my brain is telling me that everything will be okay. Idk how true that is, but I hope so.

Ark

Friend PM Trade

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So, I’m at my bar job and both of the bartenders have their boyfriends here (one just got hired and is working tonight), and I feel like a 5th wheel. I just feel so lonely seeing them talk with their men, meanwhile I’m trying to keep busy since I don’t have anyone to talk to. :/

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