Jolly's posts

I could add, that while I've been through a few relationships where my dream to move became a rough topic.
I have never felt that fear of not having them with me when I make the move happen. I always felt a hint of relief like, well, now I can do what I dream without hold backs.

I'm just not used to this fear in my grief. I always handled break ups pretty well but this one meant something to me
I got way too cozy. I loved every second with this person. Why must there be a sacrifice

@totalanimefan:
I know, he's just a weak willed man. Raised without a backbone and to not think for himself. He hasn't matured enough to handle the reality of life, even when its his own dreams. I guess thats what my mom said anyway, that he seems the type to want to sit back and dream, but to get scared when it actually becomes real.
He HAS matured a lot since I met him and he loves the experiences he's gained. This one is just too big for him. He wants to stay close to the family that lives to manipulate him. Return to his life before all this happened, before me, before learning his dad is a psychopath.

I love my partner with all of my heart. Every partner I've had. Enough so that I have moments of weakness where I want to give up my dreams to be with him. I did that for someone in the past and I could never be satisfied with my life. My declining health, the atmosphere here, everything. I got so depressed and spiraled into a mental crisis that I nuked my stable-at-the-time life to run. I can't do that again, I just can't throw away something that my soul wants so badly. My intuition screams at me.

But now I'm even so scared to fulfill my dream and not have him with me. I'm so scared of that now that it has become my reality, my future feels blurry and uncertain. I can still get to where I want to be, I'll just be all by myself. That idea hurts so much.

He left me.
My dreams for my future are too scary for him, doesn't like change. So now this person whom had previously sworn to marry me, just up and walked out.
I told him my dreams when we were just friends. Told him there's no if, I'm gonna make it.
Now that its so close to my reach..

You know I just had a review at my job last night where my boss asked me what I value
I said my family. I said it isn't big, just Noah and my bird, but its my family.

The very next day that all shatters to nothing.

I can't accept it yet, some part of me thinks he's gonna walk back in later and take it back. That he just got scared again and this time he jumped.
But I don't think that will happen. And I'm not sure how to trust it if it did, like would we be fine for another month and then this happens again?
Or will we be fine until its time for me to take action and go, but then I'll turn around and he wont be beside me anymore. It's not what he wants, but he doesn't even know what he wants.

I can't give up on my dreams that I have wanted for so long.
It is not just for my enjoyment, but for my health as well. I need to leave the state we live in. I can't change course and settle for my declining health just because I love someone so much..


This one really, really hurts so much

What a fussy fussy boy
at first it was mildly annoying like dude why you taking your friends for granted.
But then I realized yeah, this is really realistic to how I feel most days too cause antisocial tendencies suck :'D
I get you boo

@devilkinboi:
not a problem! I've been busy too |D
jumping into a class call soon so if I'm slow to finish the trade, I'll be able to do so in a few hours

@another movie addict:
Haha thats awesome your family lets you do that!
Mine have gotten so obsessed with their house so its best that I touch it as little as possible xD
They want to turn around and sell it for more, so its a bit understandable in that they want every inch of it to be perfect.

Aww I also wanted to go to disney world this year but that was at the very start of the virus thing, so it definitely did get cancelled. I was born and raised in orlando so wanted to show my bf where I'm from ^^ next year maybe!

@totalanimefan:
That's awesome! I love that feeling stepping into a room that is just so well organized and designed, it feels like its set up like a hotel haha
My homes never had that feeling cause I end up with my nerdy posters and junk all over the place xd

@another movie addict:
Hahhaa yeah I'll probably end up doing that too. I've thought about making a water pokemon themed bathroom as an excuse to place my gyarados statue in there. I know where to make custom shower curtains >>
But that'll wait until I have my own place. I'm sure my mom wouldn't approve of me removing the puppies curtain hahaha

@yandere:
lmao its okay, same boat! I keep posting everywhere else or not at all xd

Ohh thats cool! What ages?

omg yeah, any time they started to mention a rock or a tree I'm like NOT LISTENING lmao
so glad that event is over. But it was fun in that we all had to suffer together.

I got pretty okay at playing borderlands 3 for a little while. Its one of my bf's top favorite games and since it isn't PVP based, I wanted to join in. We played it so much that I got the hang of that style game, but then I took a break for idk a month, I think for college being too busy. Then tried to play again and just couldnt XD and now I'm back to not being capable of shooters.
I like watching people play games, but I do get bored if I'm playing a game and watching it played at the same time. One or the other for me haha otherwise it just makes the game itself kind of redundant. I think he's just far more passionate about his games than I am xD

Hahah yeha maybe find some inspiration somewhere.
I keep getting major "grass is greener" syndrome anytime I see someone else's island. Like dang, people are so good at designing them!

@totalanimefan:
a black and white bathroom actually sounds super awesome!

... all the tooth paste splatters would show up more :vanora_xd:

I like to keep my ganon statue in my bathroom
but I also have a curtain with cute puppies all over it

so
there's not much of a theme
I just like to shove my toys everywhere :vanora_xd:

I'd like to buy your Reaping Ritual bundle!
15k volts sound good?

@moodybats:
Fair enough~

Yeah doesn't help that these are quick moving
They'll be relevant for about a week or two and then there's something else. I can hardly keep up even without participating XD
I find its better when I don't talk too much about my plans to do something though, especially with art. If I say I'll do it too many times I'll end up getting bored before I actually do, and it never gets done lmao
Many of my comics have died by this hand. >>

Hahaha its referring to the angle that the fan blades are pointing
They curve in a clockwise or counterclockwise direction

Right?? I'd try this
even if it looks like it might be too dense XD