vintage reading nook - Voltra Online

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this is just a thread where I read stupid books CLASSIC LITERATURE and make fun of it HAVE A SPIRITED DISCUSSION AND ANALYZE THE TEXT

anyway first up is the classic "Life and Death" by Stephanie Meyer, which as you may know, is the totally necessary and not at all redundant re-imagining of Twilight... where everything is the same except everyone's genders are different

I'll also have Twilight open so I can compare the two and see how much of it was just ctrl+c/ctrl+v

(keep in mind I've NEVER read any Twilight book before this and I only have passing knowledge of the films, so I'm diving into this not knowing a whole lot outside of memeing on it. if you are/were a fan, SORRY I'm going to probably annoy you ;3c but know I'm not judging you or making fun of you for liking it, HAVE FUN enjoy stuff)

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before I even start I want to say I'm disappointed that the rest of the series didn't get continued with this trend because

1) I wanna see how they adapt the wild honeymoon scene
2) I wanna see if they tackle the whole awful baby thing or just go another direction
3) I WANT WEIRD LADY ARO.

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life and death: "My mom drove me to the airport"
twilight: "My mother drove me to the airport"

do you think Stephanie changed this line because "das how boys talk" or because she realized how creepy it sounds to have a teenage boy say "mother"? ... I think it's weird either way tho, unless they aren't close. and in that case keep the line the hell?

nah but for real it kind of looks like she's using this book as a chance to 'fix up' some of the wording from the first one to try to make it sound better and like, mood. I'd literally do the same thing given the chance

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OH IM ALREADY DYING:

"I had on my favorite t-shirt—the Monty Python one with the swallows and the coconut that Mom got me two Christmases ago. It didn’t quite fit anymore, but that didn’t matter. I wouldn’t be needing t-shirts again soon."

THIS SLAPS IT'S SO FUNNY? boy!Bella (iunno his name yet) is a Monty Python fan. NERD.

also bro you can still wear t-shirts in a cold area during winter... take it from a Canadian... just wear layers, dingus.

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0/10 Charlie is still Charlie, why didn't he get the genderbend treatment?

I WANT CHARLIZE OR CHARLOTTE OR SOMETHING COME ON gimme a sad, confused, clueless cop mom

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"Okay, just a tad melodramatic there. I have an overactive imagination, as my mom was fond of telling me."

oh buddy, don't you know what book you're in? things are about to get a whole lot more melodramatic from here...

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"My mom says we look so much alike that I could use her for a shaving mirror."

because he's a boy get it? okay but for real, boy!bella confirmed for bishounen

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boy!bella just describe this own eyes as "less youthful and... resolved" and I couldn't stop myself from physically telling him to shut up

YOU'RE LIKE 12 SHUT UP. YOURE A CHILD.

also he spends too long for my comfort describing how youthful and beautiful his mom is and how wide and cute her eyes are like bro...

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his mom sounds useless tho, no offense man. how did she get custody?

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oh boy!Bella's name is Beau, should have known

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"We patted each other’s shoulders, embarrassed, and then stepped back."

straight men being straight men. its your dad bro its automatically no-homo you're FINE.

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"This was the reason Charlie’d never fought Mom about custody; he knew she needed me."

HOW? HE WAS A LITERAL BABY WHEN SHE LEFT and from the sounds of it like, since he was a toddler Beau was taking care of her and cooking and doing bills and stuff like... shes UNFIT. Charlie has his life together, he should have raised this kid.

IM CHECKING AND THIS ISNT A PART OF TWILIGHT EITHER WHAT IS THIS?? incredible.

call me judgemental but I don't like Renée. maybe I'll change my tune later if they give me more info but so far it's going to be a no from me dawg.

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why am I SO HEATED reading this?

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Beau is a lanky awkward boy in a monty python shirt I can't stop thinking about this...

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"Charlie and I both shrugged at the same time. It was funny how we had some of the same mannerisms when we didn’t spend much time together. Maybe it was genetic."

it's just a shrug babe... it's not that deep...

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BILLY BLACK IS NOW BONNIE BLACK so he gets a genderbend but not Charlie? outrageous.

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1) this was in Twilight too, I like the first thought Beau/Bella have about getting a new truck is the possibilities to give it a nickname. its a mood.
2) wish my estranged dad loved me enough to buy me free stuff
3) point two makes me realize why this story upsets me so much, you have a GOOD DAD EMBRACE IT..... LET HIM BE MY DAD IF YOU DON'T WANT HIM...

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Twilight: "It was beautiful, of course; I couldn't deny that."
Life and Death: "It was probably beautiful or something."

GUYS BEING DUDES AMIRITE?

(also to be absolutely clear, Im not mad, I think its funny as hell, Im LIVING for these edits *CHEF KISS* MAGNIFIQUE!)

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Charlie's cute he keeps getting flustered every time his son thanks him for stuff... sweet man... happy to make his boy happy...

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Beau's so fussy about his mom like this is so interesting to me, this dynamic isn't in Twilight at all but Beau's like thinking about micromanaging his disaster mom even now, miles away from her

young dumb and full of crumbs

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