》::: ✿･`.*
My relationship that meant everything is over. I found him looking for single apartments and he told me he only stayed because he was scared I would kill myself if he didn't. He said he hasn't loved me for a very long time. He called me names and hurt me. I hit him back and his entire family came to our house while I was packing my things and trying to leave. They all threatened me and tried jumping me. They were supposed to be my family aswell.
Im so hurt. I feel worthless. If I was better and didnt have depression / wasnt psycho, he would still love me. If i was a normal person. If I wasnt lazy. If i could muster the strength to get out of bed. He talked to other women for the attention because I am not enough. He talked down on me everyday.
Our 5yr anniversary was next month. My birthday is next month.
I was supposed to be happy. We were supposed to have a future..to have kids. I got my Nexplanon removed and he refused to buy condoms/take any chance because he didnt want our baby to be psycho like me.
I want to go get fucked up. I wanna get high and drunk and just feel numb. Im sick of feeling this way. I dont care about my life anymore. I have no family. I have nobody. Im scared and have no intent to live anymore. I want to die.
*.`･✿ ::: 《
Forums Serious Talk ....Im a failure
@milkdaddy: I'm sorry you had to go through that, Milk.
Especially his family harassing you. That must have been very painful.
Depression and other mental issues are complicated and out of our control, so it's not your fault.
Artist Zenophrenic
Especially his family harassing you. That must have been very painful.
Depression and other mental issues are complicated and out of our control, so it's not your fault.
Artist Zenophrenic
You're not a failure. They failed you. You don't get in a relationship for just the good times. Its a commitment to be by that persons side through the ups and the downs. If someone can't handle your many and different emotional states (which you have to handle all the time, you brave creature you) then they do not deserve to be in your awesome presence. You can still be happy. It might not happen right away, but you're young and you have time. You do not need a man to define your happiness.... at the very least not a man who isn't strong enough to stay by your side.
Millet, spilling the tea: That all was me in 2013.
I felt completely trapped and like there was no hope, and without that particular boyfriend I would be doomed to fail. I was codependent as fuck and lacked an identity outside him and his family.
Your not a failure.
This feels like Hell.
Back then i described it like my heart was ripped out and tangled with my lungs and thrown into a pool of concentrated chlorine. (I used to be so dramatic lol 'i thought we were soulmates even tho you yell at me a lot'.
Now I couldn't be more grateful and I think down the road you might come tonfeel that way too.
You know the truth now. You cant make excuses for the ugly anymore. Theres no denying it now.
Your life moving forward needs to be you doing you. And with him snd his miserable crazymsking behavior towards you, youre SO better off.
Who needs him?
Who needs them?
Not you.
It hurts.
It burns.
Your mind feels crackles of static from
Mental anguish.
You probably wont believe it now,
But you are going to be stronger for this.
So much of your stakes and self was put on this
Unhealthy relationship and he has finally given you the out you needed.
You feel betrayes by the fam, you swore
They loved and cared for you just as much
And now they do a 180 and look at you with
Scorn. Familial bias. I remember my exs mom telling me she needed to protect her son from
Me. I was utterly confused. Together almost 5 years and she adored me. I saw her as my mom because like you, I didnt have a family. And i got so so attached to my boyfriends family I was convinced it was mutual. I had no reason not to believe that wasnt the case.
But the truth is, they siding with him is what we would want in a family for us. Those that live us so much and wish to protect us they will loyally have your back.
Your ex is lucky to have such a family. And its nice for a while you got to experience that too.
But now you see it. This is it.
Let yourself fall apart. Theres no resisting this aweful phase of despair and self wallowing. But as soon as you can, and you see the chance to do so. Plant your feet and dont look back.
You will be a better
A stronger
A wiser
Woman for this if you commit to
Never letting yourself get beaten so low again.
You know this relationship was done a long time ago. I remember your other thread when I first joined. This has been in the works and I know you know that.
The only thing you can control in all of this, the only say you have in all of this- is you and how you act from here on out..
Healing takes a long time. I feel for you as I was in such a very very similat situation as you with same sentiments as well.
I felt like death could take me and id appreciate it.
But that break up was such a crucial thing for me. I rapidly matured afterword. I got my grasos on reality held a lot tighter and I became more ready to face the world and irs other bullshit when I was done crying about it. I came to terms with and faced my codependency and broke it down. And it allowed me so much more freedom. I think it will do that for you too. But its a long process.
Im not gonna tell you to keep your chin up.
I get completely thats not possible to fathom right now.
But while you are in this phase of misery remember to
Keep breathing, drink water, bathe, and nutrinate. These sre things i did not do during my excessive mourning from the breakup and I became very ill and weak. If there is anything you can force yourself to do right now let it be taking care of your basic necessities so that your physical body hurts less. Crying so hard your eyes about to pop out- ya gotta compensate for that.
this was ugly and unfair to you
but it can only keep harming you if you go back. Leave it to die in the past and create a steonger you, as you can.
》::: ✿･`.*
@Rallaa: Thank you. Those drawings are beatiful.
@Glume: Thank you.
@Millet: Exactly everything I feel right now.. Im a huge mix of emotions between I feel free and I feel abandoned and used.
*.`･✿ ::: 《
@Rallaa: Thank you. Those drawings are beatiful.
@Glume: Thank you.
@Millet: Exactly everything I feel right now.. Im a huge mix of emotions between I feel free and I feel abandoned and used.
*.`･✿ ::: 《
@milkdaddy: No problem at all dear, if you need anyone to talk to about anything I'm here for you.
@milkdaddy: I don’t know if I can’t express myself as well as others in the thread but, he’s fucked up and toxic. I know that’s hard to hear because you love him, and it’s ok that you have the feelings that you do have got him.
But he and his family are toxic. Relationships aren’t just about the good times. It’s not your fault that the relationship went south. That’s just what he tells you so that he can feel better about himself. If he really cared about you he wouldn’t have blamed you, talked to other girls and been sneaking around behind your back. Depression or not, you can do loads better that him. He is making your mental state worse, not better.
As for what you can do for yourself is see a therapist if you can afford it. Even going just twice made a big difference for me. If not try to read some Psychology Today articles. Most of the internet doesn’t give great advice, but these are articles written by professionals. The website can also help you find a therapist. That’s where I found mine.
Make sure that you try to at least go for a 10 min walk per day. Find a new hobby, or fall in love with an old one. Try to limit the amount of sugar and caffeine you have in a day, and try to have a good sleep cycle.
You can get through this. This isn’t the end, this is how you will grow stronger.
https://www.threads.net/@hannahfoll____
Discord: Totalanimefan
@me
I'm friendly and will chat with anyone!
I notice you didn't say one thing you loved about him or mention anything he ever did for you. That's probably a sign... If he called you names when you were depressed, he was just compounding the issue. You don't need him.
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Having you as a Voltie would be awesome.