I need to vent this out.

Purpsy

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There are times I feel like an open doormat for this family. I understand I'm the one who's at home most of the time and I don't mind doing most of the chores and responsibilities at home. But too often no one really lends a helping hand which makes me feel under-appreciated and frustrated.

My mom just too busy with her friends most of the time and she doesn't help out often at home. I'm beginning to realize she only cleans and helps out when it's absolutely necessary like when someone is coming over here. My brother is just a slob and doesn't know how to clean up his own mess. My dad is just tired all of the time which is understandable he works and he cooks for us.

I don't want to put my family in a bad light because they are truly not that bad but it would just mean so much for me if they do the dishes once in a while or help out with the laundry. Is that wrong? I always have this feeling that I'm not taken seriously because I don't work and I get it. I feel like a liability to my family and helping out at home is my way of making up for it. Because I still got personal issues I need to deal with.

I guess in the end I do feel like I'm not being heard. I guess part of that is my fault but I do my best to speak my mind but well...yeah.

Kairu

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@purpsy: not sure how to help but try converse with your fam. if you cant do it by yourself, find a family counsellor to be able to get you a chance to talk to your fam.

don't leave this burden too long and by yourself. it will eventually drain you both physically and mentally.

if both didn't help, you need to prep on living by yourself instead. The question is, are you willing to sacrifice for this freedom?

Totalanimefan

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@Purpsy: That's really tough. One person cannot do all of the work. Like Kairu said, I think that therapy would work. Even if they don't want to go, go for yourself and make you can learn some techniques.

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Purpsy

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@koneko: I try my best not to put my worth on what I can do around my apartment, I used to have such unhealthy mindset like that before. But I do try to communicate to them that I do want some assistance from time to time. Honestly majority of the time it feels like talking to a wall but they do help out sometimes.

I have most issues with this with my mother. If I'll be really honest as much as I want her to help out around here, there's also a part of me that doesn't want her to help around. Mainly because on how she cleans can be kind of stressful to deal with at times. When the cleaning proves too much of her, she is so quick to blame others or get furious and dealing with that all these years can be so draining. But her temper also improve significantly a lot over time too.

At least in the flip side I know how to maintain my own apartment when I move out in the future, but that could also take time also. But if I have a partner like that who helps out like that without me asking I'll be eternally grateful of him. You're quite lucky.

Purpsy

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@Kairu: I have given up doing that. Like we do talk about our family problems in the past and I suggested therapy (but not group family therapy yet)
But at this point they're very set their own ways and I'm at that point I was very drained and just accept that they're not willing to change unless they want to.

All I can do is set boundaries, learn to assertively say no at times and they were some things I don't tolerate anymore in this household and I make sure they are very aware of that. I just want to focus on myself for now because I do have issues I need to deal with on my own. Is just yesterday I was quite irritated of my mother.

That last bit you wrote about is something that it's been on my mind lately. That freedom is me living my own independent life and moving out of this apartment. That's something I truly want, but doing so is exposing myself on a lot of fears that put my life on halt in the first place. It never really hit me until recently that being independent is something I've always struggle for or another way to put it is taking charge my own life. I used to heavily rely on other people's opinions than my own. That's something that's hard to break free from.

Kairu

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@Purpsy: you wouldnt know when your wants will weigh the fears you currently have. its ok to have these fears. everyone in the world has them and especially if theyre going to start living independently.

i mean to say is that, youre not alone. build up your courage and move your body. if mental cheer up is what you need, thats where we come in!

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Purpsy

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@Kairu: Thanks! I did needed some mental cheer up when I created this thread and also an outside perspective because I do overthink often.

@koneko: Yep, and my parents alone can be a little conservative and religious.
They rather seek help from God than therapy.

Cross my fingers that I'll have a partner like that someday too!

Purpsy

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@koneko: Yepp ( ͒ ́ඉ .̫ ඉ ̀ ͒)

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Forums Serious Talk I need to vent this out.

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