Shadami's posts

Life has gotten hectic again. I'm having another bout of high anxiety low copium days. My imzadi is going through a lot at work and there's nothing I can do to help him. But listen. And send hugs long distance. And support him and his decisions.
But I don't like what these people are doing to him and their community. And I do not have high hopes for them.


And I feel bad because as much as I support him and trying to work things out....I miss him horribly while he's away and I can't join him. And these people treated me bad so it stresses me out thinking about them. And I just really want to be with him and hold his hand while I'm feeling weak and insecure trying to tackle all the problems in my world.
Not all the problems in THE world obviously. Just. My life.
My world.
Bleh.
I guess it's almost like a depression. Many would say it is. But I'm not... I'm not.... I don't know what word to use. It looks like depression. But it's not an ennui exactly. It's I can't make a decision. Things I want to do I can't. For various anxiety reasons. Like . I'm going to fail. What's the point in doing this if it's not going to work. I need to finish this other thing first even though I really want to do this other thing now...

And i have having trouble not slipping into dissassociation. Losing parts of my day or having them be a blur. I'm not coping well. I'm trying so hard.

@Totalanimefan: and it's fantasy which is my favorite genre. Followed closely by mystery and sci Fi xD
... And manga ...
And nonfiction about supernatural stuff.
Okay I like reading xD

@Totalanimefan: It's technically labeled as "young adult/teen" fantasy.
But as an adult i still fully adore them all.

@Alorrena: i own all of them except maybe the absolute most recent book. I've met her twice. she is an amazing person T.T Absolutely my role model of an author.

@Totalanimefan: she basically reads whatever catches her attention. i was going to try to get her to read some of my favorites soon like Tamora Pierce.

@Totalanimefan: well. yes.... sorta
Princess my oldest has a...issue where she breaks tech... so i can't trust her much with my tech especially since i have just one and all my jobs and social is on it. sooo it makes me nervous. and i can only let her game on her good days. and with much supervision. and management. cause.. my tech. .. and it scares me.
Bittybytes my middle girl i think could be a gamer. But she's more of a bookworm. But she's been held back because of her sister's insane jealousy. and it was easier to slow their tech introduction until the oldest could handle it and not get violent with the younger.
and the little one who has no nickname online yet... xD is scary smart and I'm pretty sure is my gamer of the three.
so they all like games. but they don't play them much.

Vivienne, Spark, Frizz, Static, Arika, Constance,

just a few more names left

Vontell is the name i just spelled yay.
another Npc has been named

L is for looking to far

L is for leaking tears from my face oops

E is for Exercising needed

T is for terrible fears

N is for nervous thinking about money

O is for old grudges