@Yandere: omg that's a crazy amount!
Sorry I haven't been replying. I was travelling home from my trip..

On the last day of the trip something terrible happened..we got a text message that my father-in-law had a heart attack and he died..I loved the man dearly and it's a huge blow to my husband as well. He was only 61 years old. We are currently trying to plan a funeral and pick up the pieces of our life. Don't really know where to start..but we have a strong family unit that's helping out where they can with papers and things..I still can't believe he is gone. It feels like he has just gone on a trip somewhere where we can't call him..but not gone gone...

@Yandere: ..have you experienced losing a parent too? This is my first time..it's pretty shitty (not the right word but I can't think of another one atm). I cant look at his stuff and even just remembering his hat and bag he used to take to work just sitting there makes me wanna fall apart. I know I am gonna survive this..I just don't know how..

Sorry I am telling you all this..you are easy to talk to...

@Yandere: I hope your husband's mom gets well soon... What is she sick with? I am kinda feeling worried too. I don't want you and your husband to experience what I am going through...

My husband's gramma is having the toughest time I think. She has to bury her son. And she is still living in the same house he did and all his stuff is everywhere. Today she had to go through photographs of him to choose one for the funeral. She is...*sigh* i don't even know if I have the words to explain how much pain she is in right now..

Thanks for listening to all this. I know it is depressing and stressful..I just have to tell someone..yknow. .writing it all out kinda helps abit...

@Yandere: oh how old is she? I know how you feel... I get really worried too when my parents get sick and I want to fly over for every little thing but it takes me like a month to prepare for the trip and make sure all my affairs are in order plus its expensive. So I try to make an effort to just call as much as possible and fly over every couple of years... you cant really predict what life is gonna throw at you next so you just do your best..

I am glad she is doing better now though

I have no strong opinions on funerals yet. I'll let you know after this one..I have been to a few before, one was a mother who lost a son and the other a daughter who lost a mother..it was extremely sad to watch both times and I am kinda dreading watching my husband go through it and experiencing it myself.. I so far just hate that they call it a final goodbye when you aren't really ready to say goodbye yet...

We ordered the flowers today. Its gonna be white and red roses so I think it's gonna be beautiful at least. He was a soldier for awhile and fought in a war so he is gonna get the gun salute and the folded flag ceremony from the army. The other nice thing is the army is helping us pay for the funeral so that's a huge relief.

@Yandere: My father in law was 61 when he died. Its really too young to lose them. I hope your mother in law lives a long time still.

Well there was alot of people at the funeral. His coworkers from work took 2 whole vans.
The army being there and giving the gun salute and flag ceremony was really cool.

I am still kinda torn on funerals. It was super painful for his mom to watch him get buried..I didnt feel any closure but it was nice to see a whole crowd of people who really cared about him. Plus the country paid their respects to a good man. My brain still doesn't believe he is dead..I thought the funeral would help but it didn't.

It was a really short affair. Less than 2 hrs. But the day was sunny and beautiful and that really helps imagining he is somewhere happy and smiling..

@Yandere: I hope so too.

And yeah! Exactly! You are absolutely right. It didn't really help at all that he was in an urn and not a coffin. He wasn't..person-shaped? So my brain was like "naaaaah thats not him, that's just a jar"

Two people gave speeches at the funeral and they could barely speak, the speeches were really short. I wish I had the strength and command of the Croatian language to make a speech too because I felt like they only saw one side of him, the side of him that goes to work and talks about hobbies. They didn't see how he was with his family. He wasn't much different but he had more layers than what he showed to most people. He had the stupidest dad jokes ever and he kept telling the same ones over and over even if they weren't even that funny haha. On our birthdays he would do this formal handshake thing where he wished us health, happiness and luck. We would always roll our eyes when he did it because it felt really silly but he insisted on doing it every year. He would hold out his hand expectantly and have that silly twinkle in his eye like "you know what time it is" and we would just shake our heads and laugh before going through the whole thing awkwardly. Y'know, that kinda stuff...

The thing my husband and I are most broken up about is that he never got to meet his grandkids. We both know he would go absolutely crazy about them and they would be crazy about him. All we can do now is tell them stories about him but its never gonna be enough..
Its abit silly cos they don't even exist yet except in our imagination but we took it for granted that it was what our future was gonna look like..

@Yandere: Oh I hope I am not making you feel upset by talking to you about this things.

Yeah we dont really fear death as much when we are kids but its kinda a growing threat as you grow older. I don't fear death for myself, I think its kinda like a long sleep where you don't have to do or worry about things. I think its worse to survive the death of everyone else. You still gotta go on living through the pain.

I cannot thank you enough for listening to me through all of this. You didn't have to but you did and it really helped me sort out my thoughts and feelings. You are a good person and I pray that the universe be kind to you whatever you do and wherever you are.

@Yandere: Yeah I joke with my husband that the one who dies first is the asshole and took the easy road. Dude, today I literally found a voice message my husband left for me a year ago. "This is for wifey, so you can hear my voice even after I die. Don't marry anyone else kay bye. I love youuu!!"..what an asshole..

I was really scared when his dad died that he would have a mental breakdown because he is already bipolar. I didn't know how he would react but luckily everything is fine for now. Today we were able to look through photos and videos to find a photo of his dad to keep on our desk. He is also really happy he has videos where his dad is talking so we won't forget his voice.

Nah don't feel bad, I don't expect you to be a sage old man haha. Even my parents don't have any good advice for me on how to deal with this. My dad thinks giving me financial advice is helping with the sadness haha. He is so funny, I know he cares but he is bad at the feelings talk. My mom told me to go to church.. my mother-in-law is even sadder than I am so its nice to talk to someone around my age, and yes you are a good listener

What are you stressed about?

❝ Are you still doing art? ❞

❝ @Yandere: Oh no, I get it completely~!
I was wondering if you would be able to do my current avi, but didn't know if it counted as furry?
If it's considered furry/anthro then can I get this gal in Crayon?


I can pay 6.5k volts plus a tip on either one you do ;u;
Also aren't Mimikyu's the best? :3 ❞