I see a lot of red flags. I had a ‘close friend’ last year that was a lot like this. She was an awful and malicious person. She would say and act certain ways to get what she want.
Anyway, she was very manipulative, just like how you described.
I would get this person out if your life. It’s not going to be easy. And this person is going to make you feel like utter shit for doing it. But I promise, you do not need a person like them in your life.

@Taffy: I forgot to mention this but there have been other times where they didn't respect my needs.

I was going through a bout for a few months one winter and was frequently leaving events early. And whenever I would express my need to leave, they would become visibly annoyed with me. And we even had a rly bad argument about it where they said they need to see their friends. So my needs could not be met.

They're extremely extroverted btw. Way more social than me. I'm rly introverted and I do enjoy socializing but I cant do it for very long.

Another thing is that they get intense about spending money and when we go out and I want to shop around they start getting immediately agitated and want to leave. They hate going to malls etc. And i have pressured to move fast and leave, making what is supposed to be a little trip very stressful and not enjoyable.

Typing this out made me realize that I am expected to respect when they need to leave/do something for their health but I'm left on the side if the roles are reversed.

I know I am triple posting and I'm rly sorry about this but I remember another thing.

One of the promises they made very early on in the relationship was that once they graduated they would make enough to support me if I wanted to move out with just them. They were willing to support me for a couple months just so I could rest, see my doc, etc. And be out of my toxic environment at my home. Now that hasn't happened. I don't live with them.

Another thing we discussed was getting married and they were *very* interested but nothing has progressed... no ring. Nothing. And the last time I spoke to them they were very iffy about committing.

Tbh I don't went to get married anymore or even live with them. I have been thinking about living on my own.

forgot to mention that when we go shopping and money is being spent for that, it's my own money! I don't ask them for money or wtv. Thought I would clarify so it doesn't seem like I'm upset they won't use their money on me.

@nyreen: yeah my parents are pretty selfish/narcissistic and it’s always gotta be about them. having unsupportive parents hard. I’m sorry. :(

Also if you leave this person the next few months will be tough. There will be a lot of pain self doubt then anger/sadness when you realize just how bad they were to you.
The fog is abuse is gone so you can see it more clearly.

I’m sorry that life is so hard right now. It’s hard to pull though it will. But it takes a lot of time. Time helps make things easier.

Plus without this person in your life you will have lots more time for your hobbies!

They've acknowledged that they're being mean and rude and demeaning too and have apologized for the jabs and comment regarding my pace, spending habits, etc. But y'know.....

@Little Crane: yeah.... like I wrote above anew thing they've told me during a intense convo about separating was that my mental illnesses puts a strain on the relationship.

I am also pressured occasionally to see my doc, try meds, seek a therapist, etc. They don't seem to respect that this is a whole process and I have to ease into it. I have a lot of internalized problematic shit about docs, hospitals, etc bc I've had bad experiences and also grew up in a household where I was constantly told how I felt was just a phase, etc so. I got shit to work on but I've come a long way over the past 3 yrs and it's like they now don't want to acknowledge that and celebrate the *positive* and just want to go back to how I'm not at the stage *they* want me to be.

Tbh my parents are so judgmental that I think I need to move out so I can go to therapy. Every time I have an appointment for wtv, my dad grills me super hard about what it is and my mom asks questions. I have no privacy here haha. Which is a reason why I've slowed down my progress. And again they (partner) are aware of my situation and everything...

@SirLionelNigelConrad: Oh yeah... for sure. I felt like pointing that out bc maybe someone else needs to hear it too and also typing it out made it feel realer to me. My experiences have always been with typically "bad people". But the reality is that anyone has the capacity to be abusive no matter their lifestyle. And perhaps I'm missing red flags, etc bc of my own personal experiences.

Also. I need to work on myself a bit and get better. I need to see my doc to talk about my mental health and to see what potential solutions we can try out. I just need to bring it up and it should go well, I have a rly good doc thankfully.

I also rly need to get out of my house bc it is SO toxic and this environment makes it impossible to properly heal and thrive. I am also closeted for the most part as my father is incredibly homophobic, transphobic and very aggressive. I have no privacy here and I am constantly harassed every day. The only time he ever speaks to me is to point out I've done something wrong/otherwise make me feel shitty or to demand I do chores bc he perceives me as femme and thinks I should just assume certain roles in the household. Outside of that I'm absolutely useless to him it seems. And this relationship defs have a massive negative affect on my well-being. Despite my best efforts to try to re-direct my focus and to be out as much as possible. I get so anxious when I have to return home. It's time to pack up and leave. I rly need to do it.