Lucifera's posts
Posted in Study Abroad?
Posted 5 years ago
@Tsundererra: oof... Yeah I heard from a girl in my arabic class who was bor in Jeddah that it's beautiful but she hated certain political aspects. And yeah. My uncle keep trying to get me to "come visit him." We all know I'll end up married to a saudi guy with 6 kids and no way to escape. =X Like I wish I had more positive thoughts about my uncle but after my bio dad and talking to him a few times... EESH.
There's 2 guys in my arabic class, on who is in archaeology and the other who knows japanese, chinese, korean, english, and now learning arabic, and they both went to either turkey or isreal and they talked about going to turkey again and were like "you coming with us?"
Fam I have no idea.. But I really want to go abroad sooooooooo bad.
And I sure will. Lol.
There's 2 guys in my arabic class, on who is in archaeology and the other who knows japanese, chinese, korean, english, and now learning arabic, and they both went to either turkey or isreal and they talked about going to turkey again and were like "you coming with us?"
Fam I have no idea.. But I really want to go abroad sooooooooo bad.
And I sure will. Lol.
Posted in Study Abroad?
Posted 5 years ago
@SirLionelNigelConrad:
@Tsundererra:
Yeah... I have family in the middle east that I don't trust, so I doubt I'll go anywhere near there anytime soon. But I am really interested in Germany, Netherlands, Spain, Italy, and either Ireland, scottland, or London. I wanna go somewhere with interesting historical architecture that's really pretty and cold but not and intense amount of snow... xD It's probably a lot of options but yeah.
I want to go somewhere just new. I've seen the states, and canada is cool, but I need a place that's not the same, if that makes sense? Not so different that I'm overwhelmed but somewhere different enough that I am like, in exploration mode. ^^
@Tsundererra:
Yeah... I have family in the middle east that I don't trust, so I doubt I'll go anywhere near there anytime soon. But I am really interested in Germany, Netherlands, Spain, Italy, and either Ireland, scottland, or London. I wanna go somewhere with interesting historical architecture that's really pretty and cold but not and intense amount of snow... xD It's probably a lot of options but yeah.
I want to go somewhere just new. I've seen the states, and canada is cool, but I need a place that's not the same, if that makes sense? Not so different that I'm overwhelmed but somewhere different enough that I am like, in exploration mode. ^^
Posted in Study Abroad?
Posted 5 years ago
So, I'm considering studying abroad next year, but I'm trying to decide where I want to travel to.
My mom has me kinda anxious because she said 'you're traveling with a US passport so that puts a target on you.' which I know is stupid, considering I'm a PR living and attending uni in Canada... My thing is I want to experience going to other countries and go somewhere really different. So I thought I'd see if anyone on here lives in Europe or another place to see what you think? Or even if you're a US or Canadian citizen that traveled, where did you go that you enjoyed?
My mom has me kinda anxious because she said 'you're traveling with a US passport so that puts a target on you.' which I know is stupid, considering I'm a PR living and attending uni in Canada... My thing is I want to experience going to other countries and go somewhere really different. So I thought I'd see if anyone on here lives in Europe or another place to see what you think? Or even if you're a US or Canadian citizen that traveled, where did you go that you enjoyed?
Posted in Fairy-tale Inspired [RP SEARCH+ More inside]
Posted 5 years ago
@AshTheAlien: Lol. No, not really. But university has started so most of the time i hop in for idle chatter anyhow. Lol.
But thank you!
But thank you!
Posted in I dyed my hair bright pink!
Posted 5 years ago
It looks so good on you! <3
Posted in Is it appropriate?
Posted 5 years ago
@Uncledaddy: Sorry! I thought the first two were relatively neutral, maybe because I'm female so I actually ended up making these fem dominant. However I can add any scenarios you think could be interesting for discussion? Especially if you have controversial issues of the male PoV?
@Kitalpha Hart: Dude, this happened in a group I'm in. [scenario 1] For me, I am all for asking for support from a close group of friends. But almost 4k other strangers? to me it made me so uneasy. and Idk why, but for me it shouldn't be up. Without parental consent, no person's child should be publicly posted.
@koneko: The worst thing about scenario 3, is it happens. More often than not. It's disgusting and gross. There's the idea that women will magically change their mind, and some are somehow forced into being a parent when they don't want to. Worst part is, in some states in the US, these women will be punished, even if they have a natural miscarriage.
@Kitalpha Hart: Dude, this happened in a group I'm in. [scenario 1] For me, I am all for asking for support from a close group of friends. But almost 4k other strangers? to me it made me so uneasy. and Idk why, but for me it shouldn't be up. Without parental consent, no person's child should be publicly posted.
@koneko: The worst thing about scenario 3, is it happens. More often than not. It's disgusting and gross. There's the idea that women will magically change their mind, and some are somehow forced into being a parent when they don't want to. Worst part is, in some states in the US, these women will be punished, even if they have a natural miscarriage.
Posted in Is it appropriate?
Posted 5 years ago
So, I want you guys to let me know what you think about these situations. I'm bored, and these scenarios can have some controversial opinions. But I'm genuinely curious. What do all of you think?
Note that even though these scenarios aren't rants, they are a point of discussion. And serious ones. They deal with mild things from privacy issues, to family drama, and a severe breach of trust between family. You can choose to focus on one, or all. But i figured it'd be fun to see differing opinions. However, if this isn't allowed, I apologize. Again, bored. =P
Do you think it's appropriate for that forum? Or do you think this is something that is a private family matter?
Would you cave to the pressure your family puts on you? Or would you stand your ground and draw a very solid boundary.
What would you do? Would you break up your marriage? What would you do about the problem at hand?
Note that even though these scenarios aren't rants, they are a point of discussion. And serious ones. They deal with mild things from privacy issues, to family drama, and a severe breach of trust between family. You can choose to focus on one, or all. But i figured it'd be fun to see differing opinions. However, if this isn't allowed, I apologize. Again, bored. =P
Your child is in the hospital for something severe. They are maybe 2 or 3 months old, you're grieving, and all you can think about is that you want your kid to be okay.
While you're in this situation, your husband's brother's mother in law posts and image of your kid to a large group of strangers asking for prayers. Not only that, but they disclosed personally what was happening with your kid. And the community wasn't a prayer group, or to a group of people you know and trust, but to a group of gamers.
While you're in this situation, your husband's brother's mother in law posts and image of your kid to a large group of strangers asking for prayers. Not only that, but they disclosed personally what was happening with your kid. And the community wasn't a prayer group, or to a group of people you know and trust, but to a group of gamers.
Do you think it's appropriate for that forum? Or do you think this is something that is a private family matter?
You've been planning your wedding for 3 years. You've been saving up, this wedding is your dream. You got you and your Fiance's dream venue, you picked a caterer you both loved, and that could accommodate food sensitivities of guests and still retain the most scrumptious flavours. You picked the dress, set the date, and everything's ready.
Now, it's the day before your wedding. Your sibling got engaged, but because their S/o is pregnant, they want to hijack your wedding, so they don't have a kid outside of wedlock. You say no, and your sibling get emotional and runs away. Now your family is upset at you, pressuring you, calling you a bad sibling and insisting you wait, but that venue only has an opening 3 years away. your fiance's family says screw them, you earned this, while you're concerned your own family won't even attend anymore.
Now, it's the day before your wedding. Your sibling got engaged, but because their S/o is pregnant, they want to hijack your wedding, so they don't have a kid outside of wedlock. You say no, and your sibling get emotional and runs away. Now your family is upset at you, pressuring you, calling you a bad sibling and insisting you wait, but that venue only has an opening 3 years away. your fiance's family says screw them, you earned this, while you're concerned your own family won't even attend anymore.
Would you cave to the pressure your family puts on you? Or would you stand your ground and draw a very solid boundary.
You've been dating your s/o for years. When you met, you were perfect for one another. You wanted the same things. Be successful, travel, and live your life together. You both discussed kids, but you both felt it wasn't for you. Your S/O wasn't fond of kids, and you just don't want them. You don't dislike them, but you have no desire for them.
You and your S/O get married, and 5 years into your life, your S/O suddenly gets a change. They want kids. You still don't want them. You discussed this, and it becomes a big argument. Suddenly, your life begins to unravel. You love each other, and neither wants to break it off. But you feel a pressure. Your S/O seems to concede, and you go on with your life, until you find out you're pregnant. It's impossible, your BC was taken religiously and you even double up by using adequate protection. You sit staring at your pill pack and notice something odd about how they're sealed, and find out your S/O switched your pills out with placebos.
During the argument, you learn your S/O conversed with your mother, and your mother suggested you just needed a rough nudge, or an accident to happen for you to change your mind. You're crushed, you don't want kids, and now it's not just your S/O you can't trust, but your own parent.
You and your S/O get married, and 5 years into your life, your S/O suddenly gets a change. They want kids. You still don't want them. You discussed this, and it becomes a big argument. Suddenly, your life begins to unravel. You love each other, and neither wants to break it off. But you feel a pressure. Your S/O seems to concede, and you go on with your life, until you find out you're pregnant. It's impossible, your BC was taken religiously and you even double up by using adequate protection. You sit staring at your pill pack and notice something odd about how they're sealed, and find out your S/O switched your pills out with placebos.
During the argument, you learn your S/O conversed with your mother, and your mother suggested you just needed a rough nudge, or an accident to happen for you to change your mind. You're crushed, you don't want kids, and now it's not just your S/O you can't trust, but your own parent.
What would you do? Would you break up your marriage? What would you do about the problem at hand?
Posted in Emotional exhaustion is hitting hard...
Posted 5 years ago
@Totalanimefan: It is what it is. I'm hoping eventualy she will want to get help. =\
@Tsundererra: I have tried that. All it does is make her slam things harder, and then if she breaks something, I will get in trouble. 'why are you two always fighting. this is ridiculous.' and a whole bunch of other things so... I try to just avoid making her more upset if i can, and try and quench her tantrums.
My frien says she's leaving for good. Went to her mom's back in puerto rico said she's really done this time because he went at her and she said she broke a nail fighting with him and she's over it. She might go back to who she was one day, because it's not like she's completely changed she's just settling for some BS and idk why.
@Tsundererra: I have tried that. All it does is make her slam things harder, and then if she breaks something, I will get in trouble. 'why are you two always fighting. this is ridiculous.' and a whole bunch of other things so... I try to just avoid making her more upset if i can, and try and quench her tantrums.
My frien says she's leaving for good. Went to her mom's back in puerto rico said she's really done this time because he went at her and she said she broke a nail fighting with him and she's over it. She might go back to who she was one day, because it's not like she's completely changed she's just settling for some BS and idk why.
Posted in Emotional exhaustion is hitting hard...
Posted 5 years ago
@Totalanimefan: We aren't in the US. We are PR in canada and if any of us get in any trouble we'll be booted out, which won't be good because our mom and dad are up here. =\ Took like, 3 months of literally dabilitating cramps before she finally said she'd go for an appointment for birth control. Honestly think she's got super bad hormone imbalance or something. Idk...
@Tsundererra: It's likely. Everyone in our family has something or other. I honestly just get overwhelmed some days. Like today she was good, took out trash without being asked and did all the dishes when we got home. No yelling or complaints. Just hope the trend continues is all.
And yeah, I told her exactly why. She always does this thing though, when i tell her how I'm feeling, she says she's tired and is just going to rest. Like, okay... So any issues, she doesn't want to hear. Idk what's going on with her, but I hope she gets back to who she was. She used to be so outspoken, proud, loud... Just didn't care what other people thought and didn't care about guys just was her own person and so confident. And now she's like, unrecognizable.
@Tsundererra: It's likely. Everyone in our family has something or other. I honestly just get overwhelmed some days. Like today she was good, took out trash without being asked and did all the dishes when we got home. No yelling or complaints. Just hope the trend continues is all.
And yeah, I told her exactly why. She always does this thing though, when i tell her how I'm feeling, she says she's tired and is just going to rest. Like, okay... So any issues, she doesn't want to hear. Idk what's going on with her, but I hope she gets back to who she was. She used to be so outspoken, proud, loud... Just didn't care what other people thought and didn't care about guys just was her own person and so confident. And now she's like, unrecognizable.
Posted in Emotional exhaustion is hitting hard...
Posted 5 years ago
@Totalanimefan: My little sister is 15. At the age of 11 she was punching me and hitting me and after talking with my mom, it took me showing her that I'd defend myself and she'd lose a fight for her to stop punching me. The problem is, on a good day, she's literally like the best sister ever. Goofy and nice and we tend to go have fun going to new cafes and stuff. But on a bad day, she's just horribly out there. And sometimes, a good and bad day all collide and I can't keep up. Suffice it to say, she should know how it effects people at this age. But she doesn't really care.
@Tsundererra: *hugs* The problem was that the sushi chef at out favorite suchi place got replaced so the sushi wasn't good on her birthday dinner, which upset her. Her crepes she was trying to make, didn't turn out. So that also upset her. It was like, day after day of disappointment. Typically I'd just leave her be but she's supposed to be helping me look after all the animals on the farm, and having her in a bad mood when I have to look after her all day, just means I have to deal with worse.
I honestly sometimes feel like I'm the only one who is really around to parent her. I endure most tantrums, and when pain meds don't work for her cramps I make her a chamomile, lavender, mint tea that helps soothe her cramps and her upset stomach enough to actually eat. When she gets sick she wakes me up [again] to make her that same tea. And to my mom, that's my job as big sister. When she's not home because she's at work, falls to me to look after her. Especially when our stepdad is sleeping or working. Which would be great if that job ever actually ended.
I do feel a bit better, tbh. I mostly got triggered because of a call I had with my friend right before. I was up front saying I'm glad she actually calls when we get to talk about her, and maybe one day she'll get back to a point of asking me how I am doing, before hanging up. I am to a point where I will cut her off. I've done it to 2 of my sisters, it's starting to get easier for me to diconnect from people. hopefully she'll actually start being the friend she once was [where yeah we talked about her but she always made sure to ask if i was ok. how i was doing. etc.]
@SirLionelNigelConrad: It kind of is? I get chronic migraines, have ADHD, depression, and a neuro-vestibular disorder. Unfortunately, that disorder can also be aggravated by my anxiety. Not to mention i have ibs and i'm gluten and lactose intolerant so it's like, day to do, dealing with some sort of pain. Either migraine, stomach, or general aches from depression.
The problem with moving out is my doctor won't clear me for work except for certain job types. And despite applying, It has been hard to get a foot in. Not to mention that being a full time student with my current schedule and working wouldn't give me enough money to even begin to pay rent. [Avg rent up here is at least 700$ and that's for crappier apartments.]
And thanks, Nigel. <3 I appreciate it. Lol.
@Saeyra: Honestly, according to my boyfriend, I tend to care too much about everything and everyone. But if I don't care when someone needs me to I worry they might end up in a worse place than me. I already have a detailed daily/weekly planner where my todo lists are, buteven having that hasn't helped me organize my head any. I still feel like I don't have enough time, or energy. And I'm honestly not supposed to be having caffiene because it can trigger my migraines, but I honestly can't function without these days.
@vengeance: I have suggested she be taken to see a psychiatrist. She has all the signs of ADHD i had as a kid that people ignored and misdiagnosed as bipolar for years [i've actually suffered from toxicity because of certain meds.] but she refuses to say she'd like to go. And my mom won't push her because she says that unless someone wants help, they won't take it. Which is true.
She blatantly told me he refused to work because he was scared to learn english, that he would automatically be mean when she came home from work [she was working 2 jobs to support them all] and she'd sit down before making dinner, saying eh didn't love her anymore, she was lazy and ugly, etc. And i told her he'd escalate and hit her. Fast forward a week, he hauled off and punched her for telling him to be the man she deserved instead of treating her like crap.
She was so tired though. Like, with her complexion she always had some circles, but we video chatted and she looked like a dead person walking. She was exhausted. But she wouldn't listen when i told her to kick him out, then said later that they wee better than ever since it hapened so yeah, I messaged her father. He was military and I knew, if anyone would keep her safe, he would. He may be a very tough love dad, but he'd straight up kill the man if he hurt her or the baby and feel no shame because he was protecting his daught and grandson. so yeah. I let him know. But she pretty much told me i was a bad friend for betraying her confidence. And then last night she got mad because I wouldn't comment on her relaitonship or life like she expects me to [we always promised to be voice of reason and brutally honest to each other] because she got upset with me last time I did. There is just no winnning.
@Tsundererra: *hugs* The problem was that the sushi chef at out favorite suchi place got replaced so the sushi wasn't good on her birthday dinner, which upset her. Her crepes she was trying to make, didn't turn out. So that also upset her. It was like, day after day of disappointment. Typically I'd just leave her be but she's supposed to be helping me look after all the animals on the farm, and having her in a bad mood when I have to look after her all day, just means I have to deal with worse.
I honestly sometimes feel like I'm the only one who is really around to parent her. I endure most tantrums, and when pain meds don't work for her cramps I make her a chamomile, lavender, mint tea that helps soothe her cramps and her upset stomach enough to actually eat. When she gets sick she wakes me up [again] to make her that same tea. And to my mom, that's my job as big sister. When she's not home because she's at work, falls to me to look after her. Especially when our stepdad is sleeping or working. Which would be great if that job ever actually ended.
I do feel a bit better, tbh. I mostly got triggered because of a call I had with my friend right before. I was up front saying I'm glad she actually calls when we get to talk about her, and maybe one day she'll get back to a point of asking me how I am doing, before hanging up. I am to a point where I will cut her off. I've done it to 2 of my sisters, it's starting to get easier for me to diconnect from people. hopefully she'll actually start being the friend she once was [where yeah we talked about her but she always made sure to ask if i was ok. how i was doing. etc.]
@SirLionelNigelConrad: It kind of is? I get chronic migraines, have ADHD, depression, and a neuro-vestibular disorder. Unfortunately, that disorder can also be aggravated by my anxiety. Not to mention i have ibs and i'm gluten and lactose intolerant so it's like, day to do, dealing with some sort of pain. Either migraine, stomach, or general aches from depression.
The problem with moving out is my doctor won't clear me for work except for certain job types. And despite applying, It has been hard to get a foot in. Not to mention that being a full time student with my current schedule and working wouldn't give me enough money to even begin to pay rent. [Avg rent up here is at least 700$ and that's for crappier apartments.]
And thanks, Nigel. <3 I appreciate it. Lol.
@Saeyra: Honestly, according to my boyfriend, I tend to care too much about everything and everyone. But if I don't care when someone needs me to I worry they might end up in a worse place than me. I already have a detailed daily/weekly planner where my todo lists are, buteven having that hasn't helped me organize my head any. I still feel like I don't have enough time, or energy. And I'm honestly not supposed to be having caffiene because it can trigger my migraines, but I honestly can't function without these days.
@vengeance: I have suggested she be taken to see a psychiatrist. She has all the signs of ADHD i had as a kid that people ignored and misdiagnosed as bipolar for years [i've actually suffered from toxicity because of certain meds.] but she refuses to say she'd like to go. And my mom won't push her because she says that unless someone wants help, they won't take it. Which is true.
She blatantly told me he refused to work because he was scared to learn english, that he would automatically be mean when she came home from work [she was working 2 jobs to support them all] and she'd sit down before making dinner, saying eh didn't love her anymore, she was lazy and ugly, etc. And i told her he'd escalate and hit her. Fast forward a week, he hauled off and punched her for telling him to be the man she deserved instead of treating her like crap.
She was so tired though. Like, with her complexion she always had some circles, but we video chatted and she looked like a dead person walking. She was exhausted. But she wouldn't listen when i told her to kick him out, then said later that they wee better than ever since it hapened so yeah, I messaged her father. He was military and I knew, if anyone would keep her safe, he would. He may be a very tough love dad, but he'd straight up kill the man if he hurt her or the baby and feel no shame because he was protecting his daught and grandson. so yeah. I let him know. But she pretty much told me i was a bad friend for betraying her confidence. And then last night she got mad because I wouldn't comment on her relaitonship or life like she expects me to [we always promised to be voice of reason and brutally honest to each other] because she got upset with me last time I did. There is just no winnning.
Posted in Emotional exhaustion is hitting hard...
Posted 5 years ago
For those who don't want to read the whole rant below, I will paraphrase.
I'm emotionally exhausted. And I've nowhere else to go to say anything because I don't really feel I actually
have any friends out there who care to hear all this.
So I'm dumping it here. If anyone actually reads this and cares to respond, feel free. But I really just needed to vomit my emotional crap somewhere. Even if people would hate me for it.
I'm emotionally exhausted. And I've nowhere else to go to say anything because I don't really feel I actually
have any friends out there who care to hear all this.
So I'm dumping it here. If anyone actually reads this and cares to respond, feel free. But I really just needed to vomit my emotional crap somewhere. Even if people would hate me for it.
Most days I'm not a big complainer. I try and take negatives and spin them into some positive happy thing so I can find a way to get over it. However that, in and of itself, is exhausting. I've had to jump over hurdles and through hoops to get into university. It should be a happy thing, and I am happy. But at the same time, other stuff is going on that makes me feel tired just thinking about all the things I genuinely want to do now.
For one, my health is literally ridiculous. Some days I'm good, other days i feel beaten and battered by pounds of bricks. While dealing with this my little sister flies off the handles all the time, and because my parents tend to always be downstairs [gaming] or asleep, or working, it typically falls on me to take the punches from the worst of her tantrums.
If she's in a bad mood, she'll be banging everything trying to find something to eat, pretty much slamming glasses, yelling, sighing, growling, stamping... You name it. And here i am, with my extensive research in teenage behavior [literally i googled immensely] not getting mad, taking deep breaths, trying to remain stoic asking if i can help her, trying to find ways to help all the while she's getting more angry, and starts turning on me and yelling and saying mean things. So at some point I snap and yell that she needs to stop and I'm just trying to help, then she goes and cries and I feel bad so i go apologize and take her to go get some food from subway with what tiny little bit of money i got to try and pay down the negative balance in my bank account.
Meanwhile handling my mom's breakdowns, my own disassociation from myself because i'm also struggling with a culture and heritage i was alienated from as a kid, trying to rehome a foster bunny that [before my dog's wondering self got onto my desk and into my medications] i could afford to look after, but now I'm struggling to even find the enrgy to handle. I'm trying to get paperwork done for university, while also trying to continue to be present for medical appointments, pet sitting for my grandparents who are taking a vacation during crunch week for uni and i'm travelling in and out of town all day battling allergies to those animals, while running on little sleep because my insomnia is kicking me so hard in the freaking head that splitting migraines are also hitting me in full force and even once my meds for that kick in [and yes i have prescription meds for those as well because they literally leave me curled up in bed] i feel nauseous and don't want to eat.
Then my "best friend" who got mad at me for letting her dad know her husband was abusing her [they have a baby and i was worried cause she said he started throwing things around the baby] is now guilting me for pulling back and not saying much after she gave me the speech of 'this is mine so don't say anything.' and saying she's depressed and tired.
I'm also new to where I live so I have no friends, and no one to talk to and I'm so tired, my head hurts, I feel sick and I'm at my wit's end. I feel so isolated and like crap that I literally don't even let my support dog on my bed right now cause having him sit on my chest while i have panic attacks makes me feel nauseous and even more like crap.
And god forbid i say anything to my mom about being stressed. Because she's the one working to pay for most of my stuff for school who also has been battling a sinus infection and her thyroid problems.
I went to a councilling appointment recently and was literally told, aside from diagnosed physical issues, most of my health problems are because I'm trying so hard to be positive and happy that I'm internalizing everything. To the point where my typical outlets, artwork and writing, are actually impacted so badly that i struggle to do them. And despite forcing myself to try and take these things back, like she said to, I just feel nothing. Just tired. And normally I wouldn't even post anything like this on these sites but I'm so the point where i don't care. I don't care if people on here think I'm whiny, or a downer or whatever But I have nowhere else to go to say something. My "best friend" is slowly proving to be the peson who's only here when she needs something from me and I have literally nothing more I can give anyone.
Like I honestly used to love leaving my house and now, I want to literally curl up and die in my bed. And tell everyone to fuck off because I am exhausted. And There is not a damn thing I can do about it anymore.
For one, my health is literally ridiculous. Some days I'm good, other days i feel beaten and battered by pounds of bricks. While dealing with this my little sister flies off the handles all the time, and because my parents tend to always be downstairs [gaming] or asleep, or working, it typically falls on me to take the punches from the worst of her tantrums.
If she's in a bad mood, she'll be banging everything trying to find something to eat, pretty much slamming glasses, yelling, sighing, growling, stamping... You name it. And here i am, with my extensive research in teenage behavior [literally i googled immensely] not getting mad, taking deep breaths, trying to remain stoic asking if i can help her, trying to find ways to help all the while she's getting more angry, and starts turning on me and yelling and saying mean things. So at some point I snap and yell that she needs to stop and I'm just trying to help, then she goes and cries and I feel bad so i go apologize and take her to go get some food from subway with what tiny little bit of money i got to try and pay down the negative balance in my bank account.
Meanwhile handling my mom's breakdowns, my own disassociation from myself because i'm also struggling with a culture and heritage i was alienated from as a kid, trying to rehome a foster bunny that [before my dog's wondering self got onto my desk and into my medications] i could afford to look after, but now I'm struggling to even find the enrgy to handle. I'm trying to get paperwork done for university, while also trying to continue to be present for medical appointments, pet sitting for my grandparents who are taking a vacation during crunch week for uni and i'm travelling in and out of town all day battling allergies to those animals, while running on little sleep because my insomnia is kicking me so hard in the freaking head that splitting migraines are also hitting me in full force and even once my meds for that kick in [and yes i have prescription meds for those as well because they literally leave me curled up in bed] i feel nauseous and don't want to eat.
Then my "best friend" who got mad at me for letting her dad know her husband was abusing her [they have a baby and i was worried cause she said he started throwing things around the baby] is now guilting me for pulling back and not saying much after she gave me the speech of 'this is mine so don't say anything.' and saying she's depressed and tired.
I'm also new to where I live so I have no friends, and no one to talk to and I'm so tired, my head hurts, I feel sick and I'm at my wit's end. I feel so isolated and like crap that I literally don't even let my support dog on my bed right now cause having him sit on my chest while i have panic attacks makes me feel nauseous and even more like crap.
And god forbid i say anything to my mom about being stressed. Because she's the one working to pay for most of my stuff for school who also has been battling a sinus infection and her thyroid problems.
I went to a councilling appointment recently and was literally told, aside from diagnosed physical issues, most of my health problems are because I'm trying so hard to be positive and happy that I'm internalizing everything. To the point where my typical outlets, artwork and writing, are actually impacted so badly that i struggle to do them. And despite forcing myself to try and take these things back, like she said to, I just feel nothing. Just tired. And normally I wouldn't even post anything like this on these sites but I'm so the point where i don't care. I don't care if people on here think I'm whiny, or a downer or whatever But I have nowhere else to go to say something. My "best friend" is slowly proving to be the peson who's only here when she needs something from me and I have literally nothing more I can give anyone.
Like I honestly used to love leaving my house and now, I want to literally curl up and die in my bed. And tell everyone to fuck off because I am exhausted. And There is not a damn thing I can do about it anymore.
Posted in newbie here >:D
Posted 5 years ago
Welcome to voltra Bento! ^-^
Posted in New posts
Posted 5 years ago
@Kitalpha Hart: Just pop up without forced scrolldown. it's hard to describe but yeah. It was more a random thought where it'd be cool to have that cause it'd be easier to reply in hangouts and even some faster-paced event threads and whatnot.
Posted in New posts
Posted 5 years ago
@Kitalpha Hart: exactly! So if they just went ahead and like, slid up or something automatically and you can look back and be like "ook *reply to that*" it'd be really awesome. ^w^