Devilkinboi's posts

@Purpsy: Honestly, I don't know if they ever will.

@Purpsy: I will admit, there's an age difference(one of the guys is a year older, I'm two years older), and most of them were in the same grade, save for one who was homeschooled. They pretty much grew up together because of school, so they've known each other for years. Some of them have been with me on one on ones and actually gotten to know me better. Others haven't. The ones that haven't are the two that are what I call the loudest, the ones who overtake the chat. I would say those two are really the big cause of why I end up ignored or my interests aren't allowed to be discussed whatsoever. I've tried to talk about them without trying to make it seem like OMG YOU MUST JOIN ME. I go about it in a way that tries to get them interested by finding something in common with what they tend to like.

For now, I won't be rejoining the chat. My best friend and I talked about it, and she agreed with giving me some space(she only told them my absense was temporary). I did get annoyed at her for saying that everyone deserves a redemption, like I did something horrible when it wasn't. But I'm leaving it be and focusing on myself for the time being. I have other people I talk to that don't act like they do.

@Priestess of Pie: The thing is, this has been something of an issue before. And my best friend replied(she messaged later) with the exact same response as back then: that I have to put in more effort, that it's a give and receive, I have to be vocal, etc. It just added to my frustration because I was again feeling like I'm the bad guy for feeling how I felt and doing what I did. I've tried to join their interests, but I can't force myself into liking the same things they do when they simply don't interest me. As for me being a talker, it depends on the group? Like... if some people are more quiet, then I tend to speak more. If it's the reverse and there are big talkers, I speak less. Some of them, I do trust more than others. The two loudest ones, there was an incident where they both rubbed me the wrong way when I was having an episode and their responses just felt extremely rude, dismissive and disrespectful. While I love my best friend, there are times I feel that she needs to turn off the psychology for a moment(she studied art therapy) and just LISTEN instead of trying to dissect things. She means well, but a lot of the time, it comes off the wrong way and I end up upset more than anything.


@Purpsy: Even though I enjoy group activities or hanging out with friends, I also enjoy solo activities. I don't like being pressured into socializing because oh, you HAVE to. Socializing too much ends up draining me and I get in a foul mood afterwards. I don't want them misinterpreting my actions as oh, he's just being dramatic and reading too much into it, when that's not the case. They can enjoy their interests, but it'd be nice if they asked about mine(which is what I told my best friend, who only replied with the give and receive comment I mentioned above). Why should it only be me who brings my interests up? Why can't they just ASK?

@LilMissKushy: Two of them messaged me. One asked why I left, the other if everything was okay. I told her that I wasn't feeling very comfortable in the group anymore, I didn't feel welcome at times and that I have no hate on anyone, but I felt like it was time for me to go. She said the others were worried it was something they did(or didn't do) and if she wanted me to tell them anything. Just told her that I didn't know how to say it without upsetting anyone, but I felt ignored at times and that I need time away from the group chat.

@LilMissKushy: Might finish a piece I started coloring on Friday. I was going to continue yesterday, but after the struggle to insert the plastic plugs into my gaming chair, I gave up on the right side. They wouldn't go in no matter what I tried and my fingers were aching afterwards.

@LilMissKushy: So far, none of them have messaged me. Not going to let it bother me though. Once I have breakfast, I'll think about what to do for the day.

@LilMissKushy: I don't have a lot of remaining childhood friends since some weren't really friends to begin with. The group, I'm only there because they're friends with my best friend(I met her on a school bus). Save for one of the guys and I, they were all in the same grade(he's one grade ahead, I'm two). So they already had that rapport to begin with. And thank you for the kind words! ; w ; I'll do my best to post more around here. I can be a lurker at times.


@Kitalpha Hart: IF they even notice. Wouldn't put it beyond them not to.

I do hope they're alright, but thank you for letting us know!

@Keo: And they jump from fandom to fandom so quickly that I wonder if they actually enjoy it. When I get into something new, I tend to focus on it for a very long time before I move on to something else.

And they've definitely made me feel that way often. It's why I tend to keep my thoughts to myself. Why bother saying anything when I'll just be rebutted or ignored?

She can give great advice, but that one time was not one of her shining moments. You can't just tell someone to put in MORE effort than what they already are like it's their fault things aren't going well. :/ That's not how it works.


Don't worry, you are making sense. They do give me a moment to just turn my brain off and not overthink anything, which is something I do a lot. Some of my other friends(offline and online, not related to the group), they let me talk about my interests and geek out as people would say. They don't judge, they just let me go at it as much as I want, while I let them do the same with me.

@Keo: When it comes to messaging, I try to stay in touch. The group chat, it was difficult to keep track of conversations because they change topics so often. I admit that I don't reply much(mostly because said topics usually didn't interest me, I had nothing to add or say), but it was really aggravating for me to see them continue talking amongst themselves like I wasn't even there. I even dropped out of the online DnD campaign we thought we'd try because two people kept monopolizing everything. It ruined any desire for me to want to continue.

Instead of making a separate chat for the people still in the campaign, they would discuss it in the very same chat the main conversations were on. It's like they're totally oblivious! I've just given up at this point. The effort comment was made by my best friend. I love her and I truly cherish her, but since she studied psychology(she has an Art Therapy major), she tends to sometimes act like she's my therapist when it comes to giving advice. When she said that, I was extremely annoyed and disappointed. I know I still have things to work on, but I hate constantly being talked to like I'm the one with the problem. I have tried to get into their things, but sometimes, they simply just don't interest me(there was a Game of Thrones phase and one episode bored the hell out of me).

While they were busy with the campaign, I got back into some of my hobbies that I just didn't feel into due to losing interest in. I've gotten back into my art, reading some books I left off and some video games I hadn't touched in forever. Even though I don't have many people to talk about it with, it felt so good to go back to doing those things. They may be solo activities, but I enjoy them so much.

At least pretty big ones. When it's like two to four people, I can do just fine. More than that, I can't handle it. I have a big offline group of friends, and while they're great people, when they're together as a group, they have a constant tendency of not including me in conversations. In group chats, it frequently happens that I reply and I either rarely get a response, or get none at all, and then someone replies with something completely unrelated to what I said. I've brought it up before how draining it is for me to have to be constantly into what they're into, join whatever fandom they're raging about at the moment, yet they can't put in the same effort for my interests. My best friend always says that I have to put in the effort to join them. But how is it fair that I have to do so, yet they can't bother with me? Since the pandemic started, they made a WhatsApp group chat for us to talk in and stay in touch. Just like the Messenger chat, once again, barely acknowledged replies, not particularly including me in conversations, etc. I got fed up with it today after seeing that no one said anything about my morning message and later on in the day, nothing about the gaming chair that I assembled by myself. I ended up leaving the chat and deleting it. As I said before, they're not bad people. I get along great with them one on one(some anyway), but as a group, it is just so draining for me and such a source of frustration as well. I don't like constantly putting myself in situations where no matter what I say or do, nothing changes. Anyway, rant over. Just wanted to get it off my chest.

Errands for the day done... Now I can nap.

@LilMissKushy: e w e Hee. Have fun!