Already a Voltie? Sign in!

Escape to Voltra!

Join for free

Forums Serious Talk I feel gross and creeped on

Donator Posted 5 years ago ( 2019/12/22 06:52:48 )
I've tried to keep my Facebook for my real friends only, or at least people I like well enough I'd like to keep in contact with. But sometimes I just feel obligated to accept a request, like from a coworker I see regularly even if all we do is exchange small talk. One such person is my wife's sister-in-law's uncle. Which I thought was no big deal. He lives in a state far away and I literally met this old man one time, at a funeral, and never expect to see him again in my life. I have no interest in him or his family and don't really consider him any kind of family of mine. I mean...that's a pretty distant relation, of no blood, and we met ONCE. But it turns out accepting his request was a mistake, because he's now ALL UP IN MY SHIT.

After less than 24 hours of this new internet "friendship," he had the audacity to send me a private message demanding to know why my wife and I have two different marriage dates listed on FB. He ended it with the insult, "That's rather confusing."

I mean, think about it, bitch. We're gay. One of those dates is legal, the other...well, if you've had a pulse in the last ten years in the United States, FIGURE IT OUT.

I responded, stating the early 2000 date was before it was legal so we had a commitment ceremony to celebrate with our friends. Now I wish I hadn't. I wish I'd said something snarky and rude right back to him. It wasn't so much the question he asked me, as the way he phrased it (which indicated he had a RIGHT to know my business, and that I was stupid for not publicly explaining my business for the world to understand). It was the AUDACITY that he even asked a virtual stranger that type of personal question.

I'm just pissed and grossed out and want to unfriend and block him but I'm trying to tell myself A) he's old and unhealthy and I won't have to necessarily "worry about him" for too long; B) if I say or do something unfriendly, it's going to be seen as rude and insulting, even if I'm just defending myself; and C) I will never set eyes on this creep again in my life (probably) so I shouldn't really give a fuck what he thinks...right?

I guess I'm just looking for reassurance. And a place to vent. Bah.

Voltie Posted 5 years ago ( 2019/12/22 07:01:08 )

@Eldweena: it's pretty understandable why you wouldn't want to talk to this person. you're not obligated to keep him as a friend on fb or anything to do with them really.
in the end, blocking them or unfriending wouldn't be unreasonable. it's all good


Donator Posted 5 years ago ( 2019/12/22 07:18:56 )
@ephenay: I wish my in-laws would see it that way, but they're incredibly sensitive and would overreact. I'm hoping if I post enough "millenial" crap ( game stats) he'll get bored and unfollow. XD

Voltie Posted 5 years ago ( 2019/12/22 07:45:32 )

@Eldweena: yeah i get what ya mean. leaving them on read isn't a bad option either. you got this


banner by Ruby ❤️

Donator — Whatever Posted 5 years ago ( 2019/12/22 09:13:34 )
Are ya ready, guyz?!

Next time he gets weirdly personal ask him if he's a pry bar, prying into your business like that

Put ya guns awn!


Voltie Posted 5 years ago ( 2019/12/22 13:17:39 )
I have family members on my fb that I dont neccesary want to share stuff with. Mostly my mother tbh. What I do, is that I have made sure that she isnt able to see my fb-status, and that I wont get notified on messenger if she has sent a message ( which she according to fb, shouldnt know that I have done in her end ) Maybe you could do something similiar to this creep.
You dont owe him any kind of explanation, as for how you deal with your life.

I also got a friend who had a similiar issue as you had when she stepped out as poly, she ended up making a second account that she keeps secret from those she dont want to know about her private details or that she just aint too comfortable with sharing stuff with yet. So only people she trusts, friends she speaks with on a regular basis and her her husband + partners know of the 'secret' second account. That could also be a possibility for you to make.?

Donator — she/they Posted 5 years ago ( 2019/12/22 15:20:57 )
Option 1: Delete him as a friend. Him: "why are we not friends anymore?!?!?" You: "Darn Facebook algorithms, this keeps happening!" Don't respond to future requests.
Option 2: FB lets you select who can see what posts, I believe. Keep everything super private. Tell him you are going to delete messenger because its getting in the way of personal life/job/whatever.
Option 3, my personal favorite: Ask him equally weird and invasive questions until he gets the hint. "I'm also confused about your wedding date... oh you're not married? Why is that after all this time?"
Most importantly, never put the opinions of others before your own personal comfort and safety.
Ping me, Devil Daddy, ping me.

Voltie — They/Them Posted 5 years ago ( 2019/12/23 03:05:18 )
The way I see it, if he's literally that distant of a connection to you and he's being rude and invasive like that, then unfriending and blocking is fine.

Donator Posted 5 years ago ( 2019/12/29 22:36:17 )
First let me say I think it’s adorable that you have two dates for your marriage like that, that’s very cool.

I’ve grown to take absolutely no bs from anyone, so my answer is always, “if you dont like them on your Facebook, unfriend them.” From interacting with “normal people” I’ve come to understand this isn’t everyone’s ideal solution though. It is important to put your own comfort and safety first though. Even if you make it so he can’t see your Facebook posts, if knowing he’s there weirds you out, then it might be best to unfriend him and if someone brings it up, be real with them and let them know he was making you uncomfortable.

As was mentioned, you could have a second Facebook profile where you only add people you really like. This seems to be pretty common practice, especially for people who aren’t straight and whose straight family make them uncomfortable or pressure them in to not being themselves. I did that several years back and it has since become my only Facebook account, and I don’t add people I don’t actually want to have on there.

A more mellow option could be to just leave things as is for awhile and see what happens. Could be he’ll mellow out and there won’t be another incident like this. I know that kind of thing can kinda sting and follow you around for awhile, but it might not be a bad idea to let things cool down before making a decision.
ping me for best results

You must be logged in to post

Login now to reply
Don't have an account? Sign up for free!
Having you as a Voltie would be awesome.