Should have expected it, really. Every year since childhood, something stupid always has to be going on. This year it's the flu. I was already gonna be limited to passing out candy at grandma's house, but my partner was going to come over and we'd find something else to do that night or the next day. We were smart enough to go to a haunted attraction earlier in the month, so at least it hasn't been a total waste, but it would be nice to be able to celebrate on Halloween. So I went through all the trouble of decorating and buying treats, only for both of us to get sick. We both got our flu shots and we both got the flu--or at least a really nasty cold. I don't know the difference and I don't care; I'm mad. Had to call in to work today and hope they'd be understanding after already scheduling me to get out early enough that I wouldn't miss trick or treat hours. Went to work sick yesterday and it was at least tolerable, so I thought maybe that was the worst of it. Then I spent all night getting up to blow my nose, drink water, and take cough drops and nasal spray because of course the sore throat and stuffy nose wait until I'm trying to sleep to finally kick in. It always waits for night. Got hardly any sleep, woke up feeling achy with the chills, and knew there was no way I'd make it through another work day. IDK what I'm gonna do about the candy. Put gloves and a mask on and hope I don't pass out the flu alongside it? Make my grandma do the whole thing? Last year I was depressed because our plans to meet up and do things together got ruined (of course), so I just left everything on a little table outside and let the kids help themselves. Which they did, and it's always the teenagers in sweatshirts who don't even bother participating who will keep sneaking back in for more or just run off with the whole thing.
Now I get to tear down all my hard work in a day or two without even getting to enjoy it in the first place. And once again pray that "next year will be different", all while knowing it probably won't.
I'm just so sick of everything tbh; it's not just Halloween (my favorite time of year, which now gives me anxiety because I always anticipate something going wrong--and it always does), it's my whole life. My best efforts are worthless. It never matters how much I put into something, how much planning or work or research or followup I do; it all comes down to outside factors--i.e. other people, more often than not--screwing up in ways beyond my control. How am I supposed to contend with that? There's only so much one person with no money or friends can do in this world. Everyone who goes around saying things like "You are in control of your own destiny" and "It gets better" obviously hasn't lived my life.
Now I get to tear down all my hard work in a day or two without even getting to enjoy it in the first place. And once again pray that "next year will be different", all while knowing it probably won't.
I'm just so sick of everything tbh; it's not just Halloween (my favorite time of year, which now gives me anxiety because I always anticipate something going wrong--and it always does), it's my whole life. My best efforts are worthless. It never matters how much I put into something, how much planning or work or research or followup I do; it all comes down to outside factors--i.e. other people, more often than not--screwing up in ways beyond my control. How am I supposed to contend with that? There's only so much one person with no money or friends can do in this world. Everyone who goes around saying things like "You are in control of your own destiny" and "It gets better" obviously hasn't lived my life.
