so i was in a long distance abusive relationship a while back. It's been probably over a year now since then, but I still get panic attacks when I think about him, or see/hear things that remind me of him/the relationship.
i have 0 attraction to this man now, or at least, i thought i did.
i was scrolling through messages i'd send my best friend the other night and i came across photos i'd sent her of him, and suddenly i was disgustingly attracted to this man again. aroused, i guess,,
and i suddenly felt really sad and i missed things about him. i hate that i felt all of that in a span of seconds, but i did, and i'm not really sure what to think. i guess i'm coming here to vent, and also to ask if this is normal? or if i should feel horrible?
** i guess i should note that a lot of the abuse was sexual in nature-- not physically, obviously, but verbally, with verbal threats and such about sexual things**
Forums Serious Talk feelings for an ex boyfriend/abuser
@Anonymous Kitten: it could be that your brain was reminded of the good times with him or your past attraction to him. I think overall it’s not a big deal but if your brain makes it a big deal you will think about it over and over.
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Laila blinks sleepily, mumbling to you...
Think of it this way... When you initially met him there were things that attracted you to him, probably physical things, appearance etc..
And yes, now you know more about him and you can rationally and logically decide, "This man is not an attractive partner to be with emotionally or mentally."
But that doesn't take a way the baseline you started with all together, the physical initial attraction. That's okay. That part doesn't factor in these new facts.
The important part is that you know who he is on an emotional and mental level now and you're keeping yourself safe from him now.
I think it's really normal and not unusual at all. Both the feelings and the guilt about the feelings.
Don't beat yourself up though, you are just fine. Just keep yourself safe and stay out of contact with him. Perhaps see if you can delete those old messages.
Keep the lines of communication severed. Practice some extra self-care and revisit the reasons you are no longer with him. Look in the mirror today and remind yourself you didn't deserve the abuse he put you through.
Basically, Re-Center and Re-Solidify your foundation that keeps you standing on your own two feet and away from his abuse.
If you need help, if you want someone to talk it out with, or you want ideas on things to do for self-care or exercises to remind yourself your importance or why hes a bad idea, feel free to talk to me. I've been there, I understand, Ill happily share the things I did to move past my own former abuse. Not everything I did is right for everyone, we all heal in our own ways, but sometimes sharing our experiences and how we overcome them can help us learn new tricks for dealing with our own.
And yes, now you know more about him and you can rationally and logically decide, "This man is not an attractive partner to be with emotionally or mentally."
But that doesn't take a way the baseline you started with all together, the physical initial attraction. That's okay. That part doesn't factor in these new facts.
The important part is that you know who he is on an emotional and mental level now and you're keeping yourself safe from him now.
I think it's really normal and not unusual at all. Both the feelings and the guilt about the feelings.
Don't beat yourself up though, you are just fine. Just keep yourself safe and stay out of contact with him. Perhaps see if you can delete those old messages.
Keep the lines of communication severed. Practice some extra self-care and revisit the reasons you are no longer with him. Look in the mirror today and remind yourself you didn't deserve the abuse he put you through.
Basically, Re-Center and Re-Solidify your foundation that keeps you standing on your own two feet and away from his abuse.
If you need help, if you want someone to talk it out with, or you want ideas on things to do for self-care or exercises to remind yourself your importance or why hes a bad idea, feel free to talk to me. I've been there, I understand, Ill happily share the things I did to move past my own former abuse. Not everything I did is right for everyone, we all heal in our own ways, but sometimes sharing our experiences and how we overcome them can help us learn new tricks for dealing with our own.
...And with a yawn, she nestles back in to her blankets to nap.
@Anonymous Kitten: hun this is normal i quess iam the same just not with one of my exes. Iam a victim of sexual abuse as well ans sometimes i get arroused of this too ans sometimes i just ask me the same question like why and i am normal? I think it also had something todo with your mental state at that day.
~Pls Ping me~
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Having you as a Voltie would be awesome.