My mother choose hospice at home and started this on Tuesday evening, she stopped all medical care; dialysis, wound care ( surgery and diabetic complications) , her insulin (diabetic). My mother entered the hospital on May 31st for an emergency surgery, she survived it, choose to fight but was not strong enough. After a short stay at a rehab that messed up my moms sugars, and the surgery not being successful (wound open not healing), my mom decided to come home.

This has been one of the most emotionally conflicting times for me. My sisters, father my girlfriend and I have been at my moms side ever since. Sleep has been minimal, emotions are high, and I feel like I am floating. I don’t want to be around anyone, and I know that’s my right and I am allowed to feel what I am, I just don’t know how to proceed with my emotions and the emotions of my family.

I’m cycling through all the emotions; right now its indifference. I don’t want to be touched, family is arriving in hordes and its slightly irritating me. I understand they have a right to see my mom and pay respects, it’s just distributing the little bit of normalcy I have left.

I just needed to get this out. I feel myself cycling, changing, turning into a different person; for better or worse.

"@Lithium: I am so sorry. My boyfriend is going through a similar thing with his father. He will go into hospice soon from home. It has been difficult because he isn't like he use to be, but that is understandable. In a way, you can see he wants his father not to suffer any more, but at the same time he wants him to live. It is difficult and sad. I am so sorry you are going through this."

Thank you everyone, I’m sorry I took a while to reply. Shortly after I made this post my mom passed. We had the funeral today and I’m feel pretty numb.