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Forums Serious Talk Identities, sexualities, pronouns, etc.

Donator — They/Them Posted 6 years ago ( 2018/04/5 18:37:02 )
Hey all!

I've been putting together a few lists with pronouns, identities, sexualities and planning to run an activity about privledge. All for the youth club that I work at. I work with 12 - 17 year olds so I have different methods of approach depending on their age.

This is what I have so far ( these will look weird on mobile ):

Identities
Sexualities
Pronouns
Privilege Activity ( work in progress )

If any of you want to download and use these feel free to. The sources for the material are at the bottom.


The privledge activity is going to be an opportunity for youth to talk about their struggles and share, if they're comfortable. I'm hoping that if I can get them to be vulnerable and to be honest that it will inspire other youth to do the same and will help them all have a better understanding of each other.

I want them to realize that where I work is a safe place for this and they can truly be themselves. I want them to walk away feeling closer to each other and to have a better understanding of others. I want to help them get in touch with their empathy.

The intention for the sexualities, identities and pronouns docs is to help youth better understand themselves and others.

I know, being queer myself, that having these resources at their age would have been incredible. It would have saved me years of internal struggle, confusion, denial and hurt. Unfortunately I did not have this but the least I can do is provide them now.

I know they're still going to use derogatory language, some do it out of habit, and a lot have never had an adult pull them to the side and just talk to them about any of this. Often it comes down to lack of resources, tools and poor influence from the adults in their lives. But they've been incredibly responsive when I've spoken to them about the use of slurs, etc.

I've had youth that I've pulled to the side to talk to about their use of slurs, start calling out other youth for their behavior. As well as youth who use these words immediately apologize and replace these words with other words. When I've spoken to them I can see the "oh" moment on their face once they realize how harmful what they're saying can be. There's been progress and it's been cool to witness!

I wanted to share this here to see if anyone might have any advice, suggestions or criticism for what I'm doing. I would especially love to hear from folks within the communities that I'll be speaking about.
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Donator — Winchester Posted 6 years ago ( 2018/04/5 19:00:50 )


@nyreen: assuming you are in the US, my suggestion is to contact Have A Gay Day (they're on facebook) and ask if they have anything for you. They are a lgbt+ non-profit organisation and ai think they can help get more information, resources and maybe a few stickers.

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Donator — They/Them Posted 6 years ago ( 2018/04/5 19:02:00 )
@SirLionelNigelConrad: That's what I'm doing. Maybe I didn't word it correctly? I want them to reconsider their actions and be responsible. I would like to help them become more empathetic and see how their behavior, words and actions can be harmful to others. ^^
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Donator — They/Them Posted 6 years ago ( 2018/04/5 19:09:58 )
@Tuijp: I'm in Canada! I have two friends who each run their own local LGBTQ+ non-profit organizations. One of them will hopefully be coming in next month to talk to the youth. In the meantime I'm getting this stuff ready and, with my the support of my boss, I'll be putting out the pronouns, identities and sexualities docs for youth to be able to read whenever they may need them. As well as talking to them. I'm going to ask my friend about his experience when he's free from exams. I'm also working on getting some LGBTQ+ themed books, graphic novels and comics into our library. Stuff like Princess Princess Ever After, Kim and Kim and Witch Boy. I have a massive list.
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Donator — They/Them Posted 6 years ago ( 2018/04/5 19:19:41 )
@SirLionelNigelConrad: Woah. No. I am not telling them to be good and kind to specific people and ignoring others. The whole idea of this, and it's a rough idea at the moment, is to bring awareness to the struggles that some folks face in order to help them better understand others and get in touch with their empathy.

A lot of these youth have internalized sexism, racism, homophobia, etc and don't even know it. They've also never had an adult talk to them about any of this.

I brought up the issues that the queer community faced years ago when police would raid clubs and mass arrest them because it was relevant to the conversation I was having with the older kids who were using faggot, etc. I was telling them about the issues the queer community faced then and that even today they still face issues. I wasn't trying to come off as anti-police to them. I was telling them that it was dangerous and illegal to be queer not so long ago. Just like it was illegal for folks of color to exist in the same space as white folks not so long ago.

I feel like you think I'm going to go full drill sergeant with this youth and drill some crazy feminist agenda into their heads. I'm not going to be intense with them. I'm just going to give them an opportunity to ask any questions, without judgment, and provide a learning opportunity. Of course not all of them are going to pick up on it or be interested and I won't connect or get through to some but that's fine.

Sorry if that last bit comes off as rude. I'm just trying to assure you that I'm not trying to teach the kids anything harmful or put specific folks on a pedestal...

I think learning about pronouns, sexuality and identities is relevant because a lot of youth struggle with themselves and never have the resources to navigate what they're feeling. If they have a trusted adult that they can confide in, learn from and help them then it makes a massive positive difference in their life.

Edit: I just wanted to add this. A lot of them don't realize why using retard, faggot, the n-word or any other slurs/derogatory language is wrong. They use it as a replacement for calling someone weird, stupid or otherwise expressing themselves. Another intention for me talking to them is to bring awareness to the words that they're using and why they're hurtful.

I'm just trying to make them, at the very least, understand the words that they're using and often that's enough for them to drop them entirely. The attitude from youth that I've spoken to has shifted into a positive direction and the youth club I work at has become more inclusive and welcoming. I don't see anything negative in that.
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Donator — Winchester Posted 6 years ago ( 2018/04/5 19:44:04 )


@nyreen: still contact Have A Gay Day. The more resources and help the better.
You can ping several people in 1 post. That way you won't be tempted to triple post, since that would be against the rules.

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Voltie Posted 6 years ago ( 2018/04/5 19:45:00 )
I like this thread.
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Donator — They/Them Posted 6 years ago ( 2018/04/5 19:56:10 )
@SirLionelNigelConrad: Oh no, I understand that. I appreciate your concern too! I'm not being sarcastic, I feel like I need to clarify that as text can be hard to read sometimes.

My intention wasn't to conflate racial issues with sodomy being illegal.

I think it's important to teach them about the past and current issues prevalent in society so that they can better understand others and themselves.

Folks still have to deal with a lot in today's society.

If I can help a couple youth accept their sexuality, feel safe being trans, feel included and valid by me using their proper pronouns, etc then that's making a positive difference in the world even if it's small. That positive change will grow as they do and reach others. It might take time but it'll help change the world.

Maybe I'm just crazy optimistic and positive.

How can I better foster an environment where they can grow and overcome what they've already learned?

@Tuijp: I'll send then an email. Thank you! Also I had no idea you could ping more than two people at once. I've been on another site where the pinging system is super wonky and unpredictable.

@Majesticles:
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Admin — He/Him Posted 6 years ago ( 2018/04/5 20:05:28 )
I agree with Majesticles. I really like this thread. And the youth that are working with you are very lucky! I have attended many workshops and leadership retreats since I started university 5 years ago. Before that, I was clueless to sexuality, identities, pronouns, etc. I've learned so much and am grateful to posses the little knowledge I have. I could definitely learn more, but what's most important is respecting those of us who are going through the struggles of finding our identities.

I've been fortunate enough to fall on the "privileged" side of things. My sexuality falls along the lines of gay/bi-sexual; I have a boyfriend, so in most eyes I am gay (but I'm also not one for labels.) I've always said you love who you love and it's no one elses business. I feel I am privilege because I had a decent up bringing and though my family never specifically talked about sexuality we're all very accepting. So when I brought my boyfriend of 1 year to my family holidays him and I were welcomed with open arms and had a great time!

I can also speak on personal experience I've done that exact activity on privilege multiple times through my workshops. It really changes your views. Everyone is always focused on themselves and don't realize they're not the only one having obstacles in life. It gave us participants an avenue to express our feelings and connect with those in similar or worse off situations. Never did I or others ahead of me feel that it was our fault for having been more privileged. It's your actions as being someone who is privileged that really matters. And I can say everyone of us who were privileged based on the activity were there to support and uplift those who were "left behind" to say the least.

Well, I guess that's what I have for now - my coffee is getting cold. xD
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If you need assistance or just want to chat, you may contact me anytime by ping or PM.

Donator — Winchester Posted 6 years ago ( 2018/04/5 20:21:10 )


@nyreen: you can ping all the people on voltra in a post. As long as you write something after the ping, they will see it.
They are very active and help a lot of people. They also have funding posts, where you can post a gofundme for everyone to see and answer any questions you or the youth you're working with might have.

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Donator — They/Them Posted 6 years ago ( 2018/04/5 20:31:19 )
@SirLionelNigelConrad: Of course, I understand your concerns and appreciate your advice. I will take it to heart and use it. Thank you!

I had a youth recently bring up that a third gender existing was ridiculous. We ended up talking about how third genders existed centuries ago within indigenous communities, etc and still do today. He thought that was super interesting and ended up looking up more info when he went home. He also decided that a third gender wasn't as far fetched as he initially thought.

@Fozzy: Hey Fozzy, that's awesome!

Last Summer my friend brought his LGBTQ+ organization work to the camp I work at.

We ran a workshop for staff to learn about pronouns, sexuality and identities. He also spoke about racism. It brought us all together and made the environment a lot safer and inclusive.

When youth were being racist, etc he brought them to the side and talked to them about it. Most of the youth that he spoke to came back with a new perspective and made efforts to change for the better. I would often overhear youth as young as 9 telling others they cant be mean to people just because they're gay, that it's okay and encouraging others to be kind.

We had a workshop for the entire camp at the end of the summer where we have out flag buttons ( ally, lesbian, bi, gay, pan, asexual, etc ). They were put out with an explanation on what they meant. And he rented out books with LGBTQ+ themes to the youth and staff. He also lead a few projects from making two bathrooms gender neutral ( they're closed rooms with a toilet and sink ), painting a few benches rainbow, etc.

All of this had a positive impact on the camp. We even had a youth come out as trans and all the girls came togerher to lend their clothes and did her makeup.

That's exactly why I would love to do the privledge activity. I did it myself at camp a couple years ago and it really opened my eyes to a lot. I've worked specifically with minority groups, who are at risk, from group and foster homes. But also youth from home who have relatively good lives. I remember once this kid, a total sweetheart, said "I never would have thought about any of this." He had a total moment where he realized how thankful he was for his life and wanted to hear out others and provide his support.

@Tuijp: Oh wow! Thank you so much for sharing. I'll send an email tomorrow morning since I'm heading to work soon then photographing an event after.
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Voltie — She/It Posted 6 years ago ( 2018/04/5 21:23:24 )
I am loving what I'm reading so far as a whole. Your descriptions are well displayed and expressed coherently. The layout is charming and easy to follow, too. My main note would be that, for terms with more than one definition, you should put the numbered terms on separate lines. I see 2s on a few, for example, but it's hard to catch in the middle of the line and feels off. Since it feels like I'm looking at a glossary more or less, it's better to use such a system, I think.

That said... I was intrigued also because there were some terms I had never heard before! Also, I was taught that certain things, such as my demisexuality, fit on a 'scale' or 'spectrum' of asexuality, which has many intermediates and types... So I was surprised mostly just to see my own listed as its own separate, special entity.

Let's see... Aside that, maybe separating transman and transwoman or mixing the two definitions more would be better. That's just me though. I love how educational it's been just reading this, because I never heard of certain sexualities and the Za/Zir pronouns (I've seen Xie/Xier, though. Not sure how common that is!)

As a whole, I see this entire activity and information package as inspiring and important. Thank you for your hard work and inclusion~
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Donator — They/Them Posted 6 years ago ( 2018/04/5 21:26:42 )
@Juneberry: Thank you for your kind words and suggestions!

I will defs look into that so that things read better and move stuff around to see how it looks. Maybe I can bold and highlight/change the color of some words to make them pop more.
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call me grem
they/them

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