Update: I GOT APPROVED TO RECOVER THAT ACCOUNT SO I CAN NUKE IT
yessssssss!! Like throwing horrible old habits into a bonfire, but those habits being mean words on the internet!
yessssssss!! Like throwing horrible old habits into a bonfire, but those habits being mean words on the internet!
My childhood friend and I had reconnected this year after not talking to each other for a really long time. We had a falling out in the past when she did something awful and I lashed out and spat profanities at her, making myself not-much-better. Never thought we would talk again.
I was so angry for a while, then sad for a while, then quiet.
Then this year she popped up, reached out. She is married now, has a child. She explained that she had lost a lot of friendships over the years (me too) and that she realized how rude she used to be and is now on a journey to being a better human. Me too.
Our apologies were short because we already forgave each other a long time ago. We've been fast friends again and it's been very nice, she is someone with a mind very much like my own.
So then we explore our memories, things we lost a long from about a literal decade ago. It was all fun and silly until we actually opened up our old doodles and gaffs. We both cringed and frowned at just how clearly awful we used to be. Horrible, rude, mean.
Maybe I'm seeing it more dramatic than it is, because it is looking at myself. Our humor as children was not far off from the kind of insulting, out of line humor that you'd find in South Park. The jokes we made were not OK and it's probably why our memories just naturally purged it as we matured.
I know that I am very far removed from the child that I was. You're a product of your environment until you decide its wrong, I guess. But it's still so so so unsettling seeing slurs and hate (directed at my ocs but still not ok) in my own old handwriting, thinking it was just a ha ha joke. I hope I never hurt anyone in the past.
I've been overthinking about this for like 2 days now while trying to purge all of it. Still working on some, since it's on old accounts that I have not accessed in 10+ years.
Anyway, this is just a rant.
I'm glad that isn't who I am as an adult. I'm also very glad that my childhood friend has also been removed from that for a long time as well. It still fills me with so much shame. Why was I such an ass? Sure I was bullied but only because I was not nice in the first place!
