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Forums Serious Talk I am literally falling apart

Donator — He/They Posted 2 years ago ( 2021/11/12 18:56:53 )

So I have Crohn's, and because I had to leave my job in order to move, I lost my insurance and thus had to quit my medication. It took so long to get things sorted out here that I of course ended up having a flare of symptoms again, which led to being unable to get a new job, which made going to a doctor seem impossible. I finally went anyway, and I'm in the process of trying to get some form of financial help so that I can start treatment, which will be a long way off since they want to do tests first and that'll put me months out. Not sure what I'll do until then, but one step at a time I guess.
But because life hates me, it decided that being in constant pain from one condition wasn't enough! The other day I took my ear tunnels out to clean them, and somehow one ear tore and was really irritated/swollen. Did a lot of cleaning and whatnot and basically I lost 2 sizes in one day, seemingly out of nowhere. Then while that's going on, I start having UTI symptoms. No idea how or why, but hey, sure, let's make me even more miserable. Had to contact a cheap clinic for antibiotics, so there's that. And now my lower back hurts. It started yesterday and hasn't let up since. I've been taking Tylenol and it helps slightly, but I have no idea where this pain came from or what to do about it aside from that. I told the doctor about it, fearing it was related to the infection, but they didn't seem to think it was cause for alarm. I guess we'll see if the pain clears up along with the other symptoms.
Just... why? Why do so many things have to be wrong with my stupid body at once? And how am I supposed to get a job like this? I can't keep paying my bills for much longer; I've got enough for another couple of months if I don't have any more unexpected expenses like this, but at this rate, I'm not counting on it. I really don't know what to do. I need money, like, yesterday. There are luckily a few things I can do to help with the medical costs, but that's not gonna cover my car insurance, cell phone, credit card, etc when what little I have in the bank runs out while I'm still too sick to work.
idk man, feels an awful lot like I'm circling the drain.

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Donator — She/her Posted 2 years ago ( 2021/11/14 03:20:06 )


@Count Trashula: Whelp, that fucking sucks. Just the whole thing sucks. And that's just like life that isn't never just one thing at a time.
All I can think of is that it's all related to stress. Because you are stressed for multiple reasons (and all just) your body is manifesting the stress physically. It happens to me too. I hope that you can get over this. Since you have seen the Dr and have some medicine it should clear up soon, hopefully.


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Donator — He/They Posted 2 years ago ( 2021/11/16 19:07:06 )

@Totalanimefan: Stress is the biggest trigger for my symptoms, so that's believable.. At least the other problems are going away now, but of course I had yet another complication with getting treatment for the Crohn's; I have to wait for a response from Medicaid before I can move forward, and from what I'm reading, that can take over a month. Not sure what I'm expected to do in the meantime with all this waiting. Really is just one problem after another.


@Kory: I don't know much about SSI; I do know I've looked into getting Disability before, but found I didn't meet their qualifications for my condition and would have to hire a lawyer to argue that I couldn't do my regular line of work in order to even have a chance... so that was pretty much out. I didn't think I qualified for Medicaid either, but I had to apply recently. When I saw the specialist, they recommended I go to a particular clinic that helps people without insurance pay for their medical costs. But when I contacted them, they said they'll only do so after I get denied by Medicaid. So now I'm waiting for that. I'm not aware of anything else available to me, so I guess waiting is my only option right now. I just have to hope they say/do something before I completely run out of money.

I really appreciate you taking the time to respond to this. I never expect people to care or have anything to say, so it means a lot to me.

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Donator — She/her Posted 2 years ago ( 2021/11/16 20:42:49 )


@Count Trashula: Well that's a crappy update. I guess one more month isn't that long in with how long you have been waiting, but you are still suffering for one more month. I still can't believe that your old job did you dirty with your move.

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Donator — He/They Posted 2 years ago ( 2021/11/16 20:51:16 )

@Totalanimefan: Yeah.. tbh I've wondered if there was any kind of legal action I could take, considering I was told by my store manager that I would have a transfer and even got it in writing. But that's more money, time, and stress than I could afford. All the waiting wouldn't be so bad if not for the fact that I'm almost out of money; I still got bills to pay and a couple of months' worth is all I have left at this point, so it's cutting it really close. I'll probably have no choice but to work while I'm sick anyway.

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Donator — She/her Posted 2 years ago ( 2021/11/16 21:09:02 )


@Count Trashula: Yeah I wonder that too, but they know that retail workers don't have the money, so they get away with it.
I hope that you can make it through. Don't be afraid to use food banks!


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Donator — buckaroo Posted 2 years ago ( 2021/11/16 22:07:55 )

Oh man :-( I had a severe back injury that affected me all last year.
I couldn't walk, let alone work, and a blew through all my savings trying to cover bills.
On top of that, the car that I was trying to sell (since I couldn't drive) got hit.

It sucked. But somehow, miraculously, I'm back on my feet working and slowly started saving again.
My depression has been getting better since my back has been healing.
It's such a slow, painful, and lonely process. But part of me barely even remembers how effed up I felt back then.
Well, I mean I do. But it's becoming more and more faint as I get healthier.

This is so cliché but I just wanted to say that I (a little bit) know how you feel, and eventually things will get better.
I'm sorry you're going through it though. It sucks to be right in the middle of it.

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Donator — He/They Posted 2 years ago ( 2021/11/17 20:11:43 )

@Totalanimefan: Yeah, that's pretty much how it goes. Same with "at-will" employment. They can do whatever they want to you. Luckily I don't have to worry much about food; my friend that I live with makes enough to cover groceries, utilities, and mortgage. It's just my own personal expenses (car, phone, medical, etc) I'm concerned about. She recently got a pretty large check from a family member, which will be very helpful whenever it clears, so the timing on that is great but of course we still have bills and taxes to pay so we can't rely on that for long. I just wish I'd known about this whole Medicaid/Merci Clinic process a lot sooner. I put off going to a doctor for so long because I thought I can't afford it, and nobody else had any clue what to do about my situation... Should have gone when we first got here, but I didn't think the doctor would have any answers for me since my old doctor didn't when I asked them. Guess my old doctor just sucked, go figure. Too late to worry about that now, though, I guess.


@icedchai: Jeez, sorry you went through all that! Glad to hear you're doing better, though. And interesting that you mention it being lonely, because that's a big thing I've been feeling through all this. Not something anyone ever really talks about, but a huge part of the experience for me. I feel isolated even though I have friends to talk to because nobody has any answers and none of them can really relate. A big part of why my problems have persisted through pretty much my whole life now is just that no one around me either knows enough or cares enough to offer much (if any) support. It's really hard for me to think it gets better when I always seem to encounter the same problems and setbacks every time I see a little progress. But who knows. I'm in a different environment now, and even though financially I'm not any better off and I have even less of a support network now, I'm in a better home environment than I was before we moved. So assuming things don't get worse before next year when I'm supposed to finally get all these tests done and get my new medicine, I can only assume my situation will start to repair itself after that. If I can just get my health in check, the rest should fall into place.

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Donator — buckaroo Posted 2 years ago ( 2021/11/17 20:26:09 )

@count trashula: That last sentence. Yes. At least that's how it was for me. It was such a vicious cycle. I hurt my back, my back hurting made me depressed, my depression made my physical pain WORSE, and now I'm stuck. My appetite, sex drive, mood swings, and sleep were all affected. Even though it was just a silly little herniated disc T^T Once I got my cortisone shots though, and my back slightly felt better, everything else slowly started coming back on its own.

Anyways, I wish you the best of luck on your health journey. And even though it really feels like it, you're not alone. Being in pain is.. well, painful. But I've noticed that it's also pretty hard for the people around the one in pain. It makes people uncomfortable, and I kinda get it. Seeing your loved ones in pain but there's nothing they can do about it. And especially with an an ailment that they can't see. Ugh it's just all around not a pleasant experience lol.

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Donator — He/They Posted 2 years ago ( 2021/11/17 20:47:48 )

@icedchai: You get it. I hate that for you, but I'd be lying if I said it didn't make me feel a little better knowing somebody knows exactly what I'm talking about--and that things have improved for you. I hope things continue looking up!
I was really hoping this year would be the year everything got fixed and in order since we finally moved out, but I guess that wasn't a realistic expectation, given how much we had on our shoulders from the start. But progress is progress. My few friends have issues of their own, as well, so I know the feeling of not being able to do much, but I help in whatever small way I can and try to find solutions, and I appreciate when they do the same for me.
I just wish the people who did have more time/money/resources at their disposal would do something, especially when it's literally their job. idk how I always end up dealing with people who can't be assed to follow up on things or communicate with me, whether it's doctors or employers or even the lender when we were buying the house, but at least we've gotten this far, despite getting screwed over at seemingly every turn. My experience with other people thus far has been so frustrating it's almost comical, which unfortunately leaves me not knowing what to do with myself and my friends who haven't been in the same situation being equally clueless. I feel like I caught a lucky break with this new doctor pointing me to a clinic I didn't know about, even if I ended up having to wait even longer for it. At least now I have a path to follow, however slowly.

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Donator — He/Him Posted 2 years ago ( 2021/11/17 21:00:40 )
I'm so sorry you have to go through this. I don't have what you have, but I can relate to the horrible pain.

Here in Washington, we have DSHS, which is what you have to go through before SSI. They then refer you to a social worker who has more information on the steps you have to take, and they give you a list of lawyers for SSI if your appeal ends up going to court. I'm not sure where you are, but I assume they have a similar system there.
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Donator — buckaroo Posted 2 years ago ( 2021/11/17 21:00:49 )

@count trashula: Omg I could go on all day about doctors and landlords and insurance companies and even the f*cking Karens in front of me in the McDonald's drive thru —_—
Honestly, I'm such an ass for thinking this, but for real tho.. was Thanos really a villain.. or was he just doing the necessary evil to save humanity... we are a planet of dumbasses.

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Donator — He/They Posted 2 years ago ( 2021/11/17 21:26:32 )

@Shark: pain pals ;v; I'm in NC. I'm sure there are similar if not the same things, but don't know if they apply to me since I'm not disabled--I just can't do the kind of work I'm qualified for at the moment. But then, I don't really know either way; it's not the avenue anyone has recommended I take when asking around.

@icedchai: i'd say he was on to something tbh, people are awful. even the nicer, more well-meaning people we've dealt with just couldn't be bothered to follow through and ended up making our situation that much worse. a friend of the family offered to let us rent a place she owned, but it was uninhabitable because her last tenants trashed the place. we offered to help pay for the many needed repairs, but she wouldn't let us--and insisted on getting cheap labor who ended up being unlicensed, and everything they did had to be undone, but she never bothered to keep up with it and again refused our assistance. so we wasted a year or more being strung along with "work is being done, now we're waiting on xyz, work is being done again, now it's not, now we haven't heard from her in months, now it's definitely gonna be finished by this date, now it'll be a few more months", etc. can't rely on anyone...

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Donator — buckaroo Posted 2 years ago ( 2021/11/17 22:50:04 )

@count trashula: Good lord that sounds like such a pain, I have a headache just form reading that lmao. I feel that "let me help pls" though. It's not even that I'm generous (I mean I can be), but it's more like, I'll just do it myself so I know it's up to my standards/in my control/done right. And I hate dealing with a middle man. Ahhhhh. You're no longer in that rental, yeah? Thank gosh.
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Donator — He/They Posted 2 years ago ( 2021/11/18 00:04:30 )

@icedchai: yeah, we never got into it at all. spent all that time living with family and waiting for it because she kept promising it'd be done soon, and it never was. We couldn't find any other places to rent, so eventually we gave up and bought a place. That came with its own headaches in the form of my job lying about transfers and the lender being discriminatory (or so we came to assume, given his attitude in conversation with us after many screwups on his end that were so bad I don't see how they weren't on purpose)... all the while, our families not helping at all by being judgmental and manipulative throughout the process. :'^) and this is why I'm not a people person.

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Donator — buckaroo Posted 2 years ago ( 2021/11/18 00:14:12 )

@count trashula: uggghhhh, man I really am sorry you had to go through all that. I'm not really a people person either. My bf and I have this running "joke" where if a stranger/employee/cashier/etc that we interact with ISN'T an absolute wad, we act all impressed like, "omg wow they were so nice!" and the other person will be like, "lol nice? or did they just do their job without having an attitude." I also can't believe how many people are so willing to share their opinions with strangers. Like, what have you accomplished by telling me you think my nail polish is an "interesting color"? I don't even know you ma'am. People.... I stg....
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Donator — He/They Posted 2 years ago ( 2021/11/18 20:42:35 )

@icedchai: haha, I usually enjoy it when random people comment on things in a positive way or just to strike up conversation, but if they're making complaints or worse yet, those veiled insults like "interesting"... then it's like, who asked you? Once when I was in my teens, I had on a pair of black and white striped socks while I was at the grocery store and some rando felt the need to let me know it wasn't Halloween. People like that make me not wanna wear anything interesting, ever. Especially now that I'm in my 30s, but feeling too old to dress alternatively is another issue entirely, I guess.

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Donator — buckaroo Posted 2 years ago ( 2021/11/18 21:59:15 )

@count trashula: completely agree! In fact I make sure to give compliments whenever I find myself admiring someone’s outfit or hair or earrings or something. Because it’s so nice when it’s done to me 😊
My friend has a right arm tattoo sleeve, just of flowers and butterflies lol, but at work she would alwayyyys get comments like “oh your tattoos..” Like my tattoos WHAT?? Ahhhh if you don’t like it just look away pls. And the old people with the holes in the jeans!! They haaaated that. Like ma’am just take your coffee and go!
I no longer work in the service industry, but when I did I found young people to be the most polite. They always said please and thank you, bussed their own tables, threw out all their trash, and when asking for substitutes or extra sauce or something were always so so gentle about it. Like “I’m so sorry but is it possible if you could add a little extra cheese, if not I totally understand!!” And then the old farts come in like “you raised the price by 25¢??? I hate you!!!!!”

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