Does it feel empty at lot for anybody?
I get that that's what it can be like when one is an introvert, and I feel like I could go on forever about that particular topic.

Anyway, I spend a lot of time with friends technically, but I don't really converse with anybody? If that makes sense. I'm there almost every time there's a group call and in a lot of respects, I'm always the loudest person there. But it's a lot of nothing and I only ever contribute if everybody is cracking jokes and talking nonsense, but I rarely participate in the much more serious parts of the conversations.
Half of it is because I feel I have nothing to lend to the conversation since somebody always says it better than I ever could. The other part is that it's in those moments- or moments when it's just me and one other friend, that I realize how tired I feel emotionally??? Or, something to that effect I'm not really sure what it is. Because the idea of holding a real conversation feels so utterly exhausting that I can hardly bring myself to do it a lot of the times.

Does this make sense? Does anyone else ever feel this way?

It's kind of shitty because I feel like I'm not as personable as I could be. I've never been good at communication to be fair, and it's only recently that I've ever really had a friend group that I cared so much about. Before it's only ever been a couple people. It just sucks that I feel like I'm my own barrier. There are a lot of times where I feel like I want to sit down and just have one on one time with certain friends but I'm tired before I can even begin. There's a lot I'd like to say to people.

I feel like I used to be much more involved.

@milkshake:
Self doubt and anxiety are definitely a big factor in all this too, so I completely understand feeling like "too much".
There have been times where I wonder if I should give my friends a break from me for a while. I feel like I'm the kind of person who's very draining to be around.

On the other hand, I do similar stuff with friends where I just occasionally huck memes at them in a dm or a cool song I like.
It's the most I can muster when I'm always feeling like a Bou of few words. //shrug

I hope you're able to be where you want to be with your friends in terms of interaction. I'm not sure what needs to be done in this case or what helps with this situation.

@bou: If it makes you feel any better, you're not alone AND you put it into words way better than I ever could have.

I always run into sabotaging thoughts when it comes to conversations-
No one cares what you have to say, you have nothing of value to add, what you wanted to say has already been said, etc.

But also on the exhausted side- I have to be serious and think and make decisions all day at work. I don't want to think and be serious and have deep conversations after work or any time I'm not at work. I have coworkers who want to have those meaningful conversations/connections and I just can't.

Hi, yes, Hello... I am a surface level friend. Please don't expect more from me or I will hide.