Kimmichan1989's posts

Posted in Ready For This Year To Be Over(Trigger Warning for Death of a Pet) Posted 1 year ago

You can die anytime...

This year had started off so well. My mom was dating a guy who, while wasn't my favorite, was someone I could deal with. I had found my biological father in 2021 and was getting to know him/spend time with him and my little half sisters. I had two wonderful kitties I love with all my heart. And now, as 2022 is coming to a close, so much has changed.

My mom's boyfriend became a total jerk. He caused drama between my mom and I, he did what he could to make himself seem like a good guy when he's really a narcissistic jerk who thinks it's his way or the highway. He tried to tell my mom that I was plotting against him, that I'm worse than Hitler, and that all I've done is try to break them up (which was by far never the truth. He was just mad he knew I didn't like him when he tried to sabotage my mom getting to her orientation for a new job last year. Ever since he did that, I've disliked him but put up with him for her sake.). My mom got fed up with him becuse he would pick fights on the days she was off work so we'd have to stress out about how to get to and from work (He would take her to work and bring us home if we paid him $100 when we got paid. It wasn't bad but.... if anyone wants to know more I'll post about it). She still put up with it since he was taking us home from work. The day after her birthday, she was accused by this douchebag of hiding her birthday messages from him since he couldn't see them (WTF dude? Why do you need to see them? They're not even about you!). So my mom finally dumped him and blocked him on everything. After that, he's tried to friend request me on Facebook and anywhere he finds me, thinking I wouldn't notice or thinking I'd be STUPID enough to add him back after all that mess.

My bio dad and I had been doing pretty well until about November of this year. He was being wishy washy about who he wanted to be with (He had a "girlfriend" but nothing he said made it seem like they were really even together. It was mostly co-parenting if anything else). Now most kids who's parents aren't together dream of having a family with them happy together. So I innocently asked him one day if there would ever be a chance he and my mom would get together (My mom was his highschool sweetheart and she always told me that she still loved him). I don't remember the exact words he said as his response felt cruel and broke my heart. The two things I remember were "Even if my girlfriend and I broke up tomorrow, there would be no distinct track to getting with your mom" and,"I'm trying to keep the family I have now together. Why would I give that up to go and fix another broken family?" Now I admit this. As a 33 year old girl who's already dealing with anxiety and a little bit of depression who's always wanted to have her daddy in her life like other kids did, this broke my heart. Absolutely broke my heart. Even now, while typing this, I still love him. I've only talked to him one time since then, when he asked me what I had bought the girls for Christmas (as he knows I had bought them something earlier this year). I've sent him messages but he's not responded to any of them and I know he's seen them (It shows you on FB messenger that he's seen them). I don't know what I should do when it comes to dealing with this situation.

In 2016, I was able to adopt a bonded pair of kittens, named Bandit and Gambit. They are the loves of my life and I'd do anything for my grumpy Bandit baby and my fluffy Gambutt. I had noticed over the summer Bandit had started getting thin, even though there was always access to food and water. I thought maybe the heat had something to do with it so I did what I could to keep my room cool for them (my condo has window units unfortunately). Well... August hit and one Sunday morning, I had turned on the air for them since it was warm, gave them both loves and headed downstairs (They stay in my room as they didn't get along with our dog Karma). I went back up later that evening to see them before I took a bath but I only saw Gambit. I shook the cat food bag as that always made Bandit come running. He never came. That's when I found him lying on the floor in front of my closet. He had passed away while I was downstairs. I didn't believe it at first. I picked him up and petted him, trying to wake him up. That's when I knew... He was gone. I held him close and ran back downstairs, trying not to go hysterical. My mom had fallen asleep on the couch and she bolted when I came back down. She heard me sobbing and didn't know what to do or how to help. She called my stepdad (her ex husband) and told him what happened. He came over, planning to take Bandit and burry him at the house he lives in with his girlfriend (She's a wonderful wonderful woman) so I could always visit him when I came over(My condo complex wont let us plant things in our little courtyard so I couldn't bury him here). It took me a long time, sitting there and holding him as I cried and cried until my eyes were sore, before I finally let hit take him, saying,"Take him please...before I try to stop you." We found out later that Bandit was very sick and, as cats do, hid it from me by acting like his usual grumpy self. Debbie (my dad's girlfriend) was kind enough to have him cremated for me and I have him now, as well as a keychain with some of his ashes so I'll always have him with me wherever I go. My mom got me a necklace that ashes could go in but I had some of his fur I put in instead and I wear that every time I ever leave the house. Gambit thankfully is doing okay; I know he still misses his brother and we're both doing the best we can.

So after all that, and the usual stress that one deals with throughout the year, will make me feel relief and hope with 2022 closing and I hope to have a fresh start in 2023. If you actually read this long novel of a post, thank you for letting me vent. If anyone wants to hear more about my mom's douchebag ex boyfriend or my bio father, I'll post more.