Death and Mourning. - Voltra Online

PoeticTorment

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Head In The Clouds~ (Ping Please!)

It's my birthday, but I can't really enjoy it. The past two weeks have been a blur. I just need to get this off my chest because I can't stress my family out more by talking to them. I'm doing the best I can, but it's been stressful.

My father tried to take his own life, for a week they tested to see if he'd make it. Last week, they pulled the plug on his life support because there was no brain activity. It was his birthday. My mother stepped in as my replacement to sign off on it because I couldn't do it. The other day I signed for what I had to since I'm the oldest child. I'm still trying to process what could have gone through his mind. I'm grieving, but I know he saved three people since he was an organ donor and one of them went to research.

I've been mentally exhausted by everything that has followed. School is starting for my kid so I have to help him get ready and catch up on everything but I'm just so tired.

PoeticTorment

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Head In The Clouds~ (Ping Please!)

I'm sorry for your loss as well. And thank you. It's been really difficult. I think the idea of peace for him is the only reason I haven't broken down about it. I have been doing the best I can to remember the good memories. I suppose I'm just frustrated and sad at this point, since I miss him and I can't even tell him. I know time will help with that, but I just can't shake it today. We would call each other as soon is it was the other's birthday at midnight, sometimes a day ahead for "bragging rights" for the first birthday wish made that year. It hits harder when you realize all the little things that meant so much.

Totalanimefan

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@PoeticTorment: that’s really awful. I feel like I don’t really have to words to describe it.
I’m so sorry that you had to go through that. Maybe you could try to see a therapist. I think that might help.

PoeticTorment

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Head In The Clouds~ (Ping Please!)

@Totalanimefan: It is awful. I had a lot of regret, but I've processed some of those emotions, so I'm doing a bit better.
My SO and I talked about therapy, we're just waiting a bit, so everything can calm down first. And since I had already planned on seeing one for an autism eval anyway, it shouldn't be much extra time wise to work that in as well. I just need time to work out what I can.

Totalanimefan

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@PoeticTorment: I'm glad that you are doing a little better, and it might be good to wait a little bit to process your thoughts. I read a few weeks ago that it's actually better to go to therapy about a trauma sooner rather than waiting a long time (like years) because you will process it better and have less chance of developing PTSD. Once again, I'm so sorry this is all happening/happened. I just want to give you a hug.

PoeticTorment

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Head In The Clouds~ (Ping Please!)

KDA Drew - I'm sorry for your loss as well. And very true. It does make everything feel worse when you don't have answers. I did know he talked about this before, but we all thought he was doing better. And thank you.

@Totalanimefan: That's true, actually. I've already dealt with therapy before so that does stand. I realized my main stress was for what to do after, my dad had 4 of us kids and only two of us are adults. As the oldest, I have to help with everything and separate what little my dad had, as well as make sure his wishes are met while some are fighting on what they think he wanted. Thankfully, my grandmother has been doing the majority of the work to make sure it's easier on us kids, but she's getting stressed, so I'm stepping in to help calm everything down. Thank you.

Totalanimefan

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@PoeticTorment: You're welcome.
It shouldn't all be the responsibility of just one person in my eyes. That's too much to bare while also grieving, but luckily your grandma is able to help, and you have helped her too.

PoeticTorment

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Head In The Clouds~ (Ping Please!)

@Totalanimefan: I fully agree. My grandmother had just asked us to let her do the majority of it, but I'm glad I stepped in. There hasn't been anymore fighting and everything has calmed down now. I even bought the urns, so I can make sure my younger sibling's get one like they asked for. And my so and I are working on separating my father's tools, we're going to get three tool boxes for my siblings and filling them with the tools. I'm going to write 'in loving memory' and put a pair of the glasses he wore in each one, for them. Thankfully, we got a lot of donations to pay for everything too, so everything can be taken care of.

~~~~~~~
Thanks to everyone who's posted back, I'm doing much better now that everything has calmed down.

Totalanimefan

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@PoeticTorment: that’s sweet. How are your siblings handling it?

PoeticTorment

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Head In The Clouds~ (Ping Please!)

@Totalanimefan: They're doing as good as they can. The youngest seems to be taking it the hardest, but was really sure that dad was going to wake up so this hit hard. The other two are keeping themselves busy. Can't say I blame them.

Totalanimefan

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@PoeticTorment: I think it’s always hard but somehow harder when you are young. You aren’t really yourself yet, you are still growing.
And you have less memories with the person that died and that makes it so painful too.

PoeticTorment

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Head In The Clouds~ (Ping Please!)

@Totalanimefan: Yeah. I agree. Poor kid was really hopeful.
Everything ends up a bit confusing at times like these too.

Totalanimefan

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@PoeticTorment: yes it does. And emotions and pain run so high. Maybe they should see a therapist as well. Esp cause they are young.

PoeticTorment

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Head In The Clouds~ (Ping Please!)

@Totalanimefan: I'm sure their mom is making sure they have everything they need. She works very hard for them so it wouldn't surprise me if they have already been seeing one.

Please ping!! I'm a busy mom and tend to get lost~