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Forums Serious Talk A rant about roommates

Donator — Am Potato Posted 2 years ago ( 2022/04/29 03:15:53 )
a little back story:
So i have 2 roommates that my husband and i have lived with for just shy of a year. We'll call them R and J. So R is gay/demisexual with leanings towards men, and J is straight. Both men are at least 7 years older than i am, and i'm older than my hubby by a year. We were friends with them before we moved in, and when we moved in J had an ex gf that lived here too. She has since moved out, and moved out shortly after we moved in.

So i have a few complaints about both roommates. Neither of them do things around the house. They don't they don't clean anything, and they only take out the trash if i ask them to or it's been full for a week if i don't do it. R and i recently (2 months ago or so) had a conversation about how it's frustrating for me and hubs to be the only ones who takes out the trash unless i ask someone to do it. He said he always intends to but by the time he gets home from work he just doesn't feel like it. Which i get, but it's literally taking the trash out of the can, tying it up, and putting it in the bin right outside our front door. it's not like i'm telling him to go downstairs to the dumpster. And even if i did, he lives here too and makes trash! So i pointed that out to him and he was kinda dejected and was like, yeah you're right. So he's gotten better at it. And then J, even though he makes the most trash since he's constantly (like daily) eating out or having food delivered, i feel like i can't talk to him about doing things around the house because it's like he'll acknowledge what i say, but not do anything about it. Which leads to the next point.

Our AC has been broken twice, now being the current time. It bleeds money because it's always trying to be on, but not ever actually cooling the air. So the first time it was broken, it would lean condensation in the laundry room to the point of a puddle halfway into the kitchen (they're next to each other with a door separating them). This time it's just not cooling at all. The first time it was broken it took him literally 3 months to call maintenance to come and fix it. This time it took him about a month, and when maintenance came, the guy said it should work now and that he fixed it. well, it was 81 degrees (27.2 Celsius) inside today. We live in Orlando, FL. not having a working AC is miserable. It's been 2 weeks since the maintenance guy came and said it should work. it hasn't worked or improved. J still hasn't put in another ticket to have him come back because J just doesn't seem to care that it's hot, or he just makes excuses like " he said it should work, so i'm just going to give it a little bit of time." where if it were up to me, i would have put in a new ticket the next day. AC units should have at least SOME impact right away when they're working properly, and definitely not more than 24 hours. it drives me crazy. And now, even more so because Hubby and i are moving out on Sunday, but i still have to pack. Hubby can't help because he gets physically ill when he gets too hot and is exerting himself.

The last issue that i can think of right now is that R flirts with Hubs (who is straight and R knows that) and J flirts with me. Now you may be thinking, oh what if they're just being nice? They know you two are married right? Yeah, they were at our wedding, and R was a double agent bridesmaid/groomsman. Well lets start with R. R blatantly flirts with Hubs. Like yes, part of it is his flamboyant personality, but 90-95% of it is him flirting. i know this because he doesn't treat me like that. Last night for example he came out of his room and blew a kiss to hubs, and didn't really acknowledge me. And he does this regularly. And if we confronted him on it, he's just say he's just having fun or being silly. And then he'd also get really depressed and pissy and not talk to us and talk shit about us behind our backs. He's done it before. So we don't say anything. He also buys hub things ALL the time that's not food. And me? he's bought me a whopping total of 1 item. He'll always say that he'll buy me a gift (christmas or birthday, etc.) but he never does. I had to remind him that he said he'd buy me the headset that he got me because the one i was using broke when i was on a trip. He's bought hubs plenty of magic cards (boxes, not individual packs or cards, btw), lots of league of legends skins and chromas, and a few digital games. All of which are at least $25 per transaction. I've told hubs to not say no, because R will do it regardless, and i don't want hubs feeling bad. So R will buy all this stuff for hubs on a fairly regular basis, just because R had a little extra play money. Also, on top of that, he's actually said that if hubs were gay or bi, he'd try getting with him. he's said it multiple times, and he's said that hubs is exactly his type , yada yada yada. The kicker is is that R has a bf (long distance, but they actually have a decent relationship, surprisingly.) and is always talking about how guys flirt with him all the time and that drives me crazy. (R also lies a lot, but not about important things, so it doesn't bother me too much. and that's more i think a psychological issue rather than a personality issue or roommate issue.) Also one time, i was doing something and Hubs asked for a kiss as i walked by him, and since i was busy i said not right now, and R was like, oh, she don't wanna kiss but i'll kiss you! (half joking) and then put his hands out like he was going to grab hub's face and leaned in with his mouth open like he was going to full on make out with hubs. and then he laughed about it because it was wild and the facial expression was funny (the expression was funny, but the "joke" wasn't). There's been other incidents like that, but i can't think of them right now because i'm tired and it's hot.

So now J. Jay flirts with me in a not so blatant manner. He always says hi to me when he enters the room i'm in, usually doesn't say hi to hubs, takes special interest in what i'm doing, and just talks to me a lot. Which is where i can see people arguing, oh he's just being nice. Yeah, well he used to not be like that when he was dating his ex, or when she lived here after they broke up. And he doesn't treat anyone else like that either. like he talks a lot in general, because he goes off on tangents, and that's fine, he does that with everyone. annoying when i'm trying to focus on something, but it's whatever. however, he takes special care to be talking to me a lot more than anyone else in the house unless he has a female friend over. and then he doesn't come out of his room much. which is great.
So about the special interest in what i'm doing. Well, not too long ago i made a dress (some of you might remember, i made a thread about it). While i was making it he goes, "I can't wait to see it when it's finished." like he was implying he wanted to see it on me. Which, creepy. Like, you can see the pattern, you can see what the fabric looks like, you can see what i'm doing with the second color for the straps., you don't need to be that interested in my project. And you might say, oh that just sounds like he's interested in seeing what you can do cause that's cool that you made a whole freaking dress! Well, normally i'd agree with you, but he said it in a way that it was creepy and uncomfortable for both me and hubs. And then when we explained what happened and how it was said to our gf, she agreed that that's just a little too much interest. J also tends to stare at my chest, and looks away when he thinks we're looking at him, but it's so blatantly obvious that he's doing it. That's something that's been happening since before we moved in, and made me uncomfortable to the point that at one point i would purposely wear the baggiest and most unattractive clothes i owned ( like a sports bra, baggy pants, and a really baggy shirt. i wore a lot of hubs' clothes back then.) when i came over. Actually, i was wearing such clothes when hubs proposed because we were playing DND with them at their old apartment. Then after that it was a long time since we hung out with them that i forgot why i was so uncomfortable around J. I remembered quickly. ) J also offers to buy me food all the time and i always turn him down unless he's offered it to hubs first.

We couldn't confront either roommate because 1 we don't want to ruin the friendship with R (boundaries will be set once we move out and when we hang out the next time with R), and 2 because we didn't want them to kick us out or treat us poorly. the second point is irrelevant at this point because we're moving sunday. Also we don't want them talking crap about us behind our backs either, because they are definitely the kind of people that would do that to people that have slighted them.

Anyways, i'm glad to be moving out. Living with them has been nice, but also really stressful, so it will be nice to be in our own place.

Thanks for reading. :]
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Donator — Am Potato Posted 2 years ago ( 2022/04/30 02:08:10 )
@Stinky: i remember that commercial! lol Yeah, while it's miserable, it's not not doable, at least. Especially since the evenings and nights are really nice, at least in central florida this time of year. i will be so glad to not be stressed out by roommates anymore. R might actually be losing his job because he called out a bunch in november and those points don't fall off until may, and he had to call out today cause he was sick (not covid). I told Hubby it's not our problem anymore.
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Call me Rena (Reh-nuh)! <3 married 02/02/2020
Rena's Quest

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