Can anyone give me advice on how do cope with it? I am trying my best, but I know that I need to eventually go see about getting professional help. But at the moment, I just don't have the money to.
I really don't care if this is going to read. I'm posting it to put more into context on the causes of my depression.
Things from the past keep coming back to be in waves, and some times even things from the present. I've been fighting this the best way I can, and so far, I think I'm losing this fight. I try my best to put a smile on my face for other people, but inside, I am screaming. I don't have many friends where I live, my boyfriend doesn't live near me, most of my good friends are online, and my own family doesn't know how to help me.
My mom friend suggested that it may be a chemical imbalance and suggested that I should get real help from a professional, but even with insurance, I still need money for the appointment encase my insurance doesn't cover it. Plus the medicine, if I need it, can also be pretty costly. Bills and food have been taking the bulk of my paychecks, but I need to try and get this done when I can.
Going on sites like this, or deviantART has been seeming like a chore lately. Even if I was to post something or even a quick hello, I don't think it really matters. Half the time, I really believe that no one likes me. Even with people I don't know, I think they don't like me. I'm not sure why, but it just happens. For all I know, it could be or could not be true. I've tried making conversation, but I think I end up being boring or I make people loose interest. Once it gets to a certain point, I quit replying all together. It takes me a lot just to talk to someone, even if it is online or offline.
The only things that I have really been up to doing has either been binge watching stuff on Netflix or playing games. I haven't been up to doing art unless it is personal work. It seems to be the only thing that I want to do, besides wanting to sleep.
I can't bring myself to state the rest of this since it is a bit too personal, so please do not ask. I really don't know a good bit of y'all nor don't know you well enough to talk about it.
My mom friend suggested that it may be a chemical imbalance and suggested that I should get real help from a professional, but even with insurance, I still need money for the appointment encase my insurance doesn't cover it. Plus the medicine, if I need it, can also be pretty costly. Bills and food have been taking the bulk of my paychecks, but I need to try and get this done when I can.
Going on sites like this, or deviantART has been seeming like a chore lately. Even if I was to post something or even a quick hello, I don't think it really matters. Half the time, I really believe that no one likes me. Even with people I don't know, I think they don't like me. I'm not sure why, but it just happens. For all I know, it could be or could not be true. I've tried making conversation, but I think I end up being boring or I make people loose interest. Once it gets to a certain point, I quit replying all together. It takes me a lot just to talk to someone, even if it is online or offline.
The only things that I have really been up to doing has either been binge watching stuff on Netflix or playing games. I haven't been up to doing art unless it is personal work. It seems to be the only thing that I want to do, besides wanting to sleep.
I can't bring myself to state the rest of this since it is a bit too personal, so please do not ask. I really don't know a good bit of y'all nor don't know you well enough to talk about it.
I'm probably gonna end up taking a hiatus on here as well as a few other sites, but that is all I can do at the moment. I'll be on Facebook or Discord mostly, but that is about it for now. I guess until I can get back and fix things with myself.
