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Forums Serious Talk Down the Rabbit Hole: Anxiety, Depression, Self Discovery, and finally getting some help

Voltie — She/They Posted 5 years ago ( 2019/06/1 04:39:14 )
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Sorry but this is gonna be kinda long.

So, Back when my user name was DeimosPoe, i had made a post about how i discovered that i was Non-binary/Demisexual/Panromantic. This is kind of a continuation of that. You see, back in middle school i felt wrong in my skin, i hated undressing in locker rooms, i hated looking in mirrors(still do tbh) and in general just hated myself and my physical appearance...but i didn't know WHY..at least not until about 5 years ago...yeah i was an adult when i learned the words finally for how i felt and why i had so much hatred for my physical appearance. Around this time as well my anxiety and depression fueled by this self loathing, my lack of steady work, lack of funds to go back to school and a bunch of other stuff...lead me to contemplating suicide...i didn't go through with it but i had reached a very low point in my life. I had decided to try and seek spiritual help and ended up become friends with a local pagan group and very quickly discovered what is now a good portion of my chosen family. After a bunch of rash life choices leading me to another very low point in my life(8 months in a toxic, emotionally abusive and neglectful environment) i almost ended my life again. I moved back into my parents house and have since(for the most part) steady employment and am doing relatively okay...but not completely.... my mental health while not worsening at a rapid rate...is also not progressing as much as i would like. i have also recently realized that i might be transgender. through the help of my chosen family and close friends i have been exploring and discovering more about myself and that in itself has been helpful but i am a long way for being where i want to be. The former high priestess and priest as well as the current high priestess are helping me with getting mental health help, EBT help, and also helping me work on getting stuff needed to operate a Moped so that i can be even more mobile and independent. Whereas, the current high priest, and his paramours have offered me safe haven at their house whenever i need it.....I am still in a rough place but things are slowly getting better. what has helped me are the two things:

It's okay to NOT be okay
Love often, love deeply, love responsibly
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Donator — She/Her Posted 5 years ago ( 2019/06/1 06:56:07 )
It's been a long and hard road for you so far. I hope that things will continue to turn around for you.
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Donator — Winchester Posted 5 years ago ( 2019/06/1 10:18:09 )
X X X

Next to it being okay to not be okay (I thank thee, prince Harry, to making it easier to talk about mental health issues), it's also okay to ask for help.

I've been down the road where you are now, except for the pagan group (but, then again, I know several pagans, who are very supportive).

And believe me when I say it will get better and easier.

I had 2 out of 3 of the surgeries and I can finally look at myself in the mirror and, a few weeks ago, I got a chest tattoo. I had to lay without a shirt for several hours in a shop where people could easily look in.
And I was okay.

And if you have any questions or need help, you can always send me a message.

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