Donator — Winchester
Posted 6 years ago ( 2018/08/23 11:32:38 )
We\'ll carry on
Cleaning out the kitchen and room where I have some storage space and the washing machine. I threw away so much already that, while the containers got emptied yesterday, one of them is half full already, thanks to me.
Sorry mister landlord.
Donator
Posted 6 years ago ( 2018/08/23 14:49:46 )
A few years ago I came back to Second Life (2014). I did so because there is a very wide array of Roleplay communities, beautifully built Sims where you immerse in the character(s). I ended up in a Sim generally well known for having been going downhill; but at the time it was still very enjoyable. I became a very engrained player and character in the community. My OC was not only a slow build-up of ‘evil’, she was unique in many aspects. In the end, she became the partner of a known-cannibal. Mother of his child. As well, she was the leader of a street gang unlike the rest. A group bent on the stirring of chaos as a reminder that no one had control of their own lives while still carrying a focus on building on Empire through funding that came from prostitutes and drugs. Characters who did not act out to prove themselves as ‘crazier than the other crazies’. They maintained an outward stability. They could be doctors, lawyers, etc. But inwardly, inside? They were cruel, bad people. And she was the murderess with a message always.
I loved my character. I loved what she could do to people on an OOC level through my writing. I loved that my writing itself was openly admired. It felt good as a form of artistic outlet and a removal from the constant hardship that has been my RL the last few years.
The rant . . . Is against people. Toxic people are so drawn to RP as a means to try and ‘live’ a life they can’t. Don’t have friends RL? Bet you can be a little shit online and have them. Don’t have the ability to land a relationship RL? Well you can always have a fake one online through your character and then cause nothing but drama when you try to control the person behind the OC. And God forbid anyone like anyone else if they disagree on one thing in RP. They are going to talk about you, lie about you, exaggerate about you. . .
Which, usually, I can ignore. That sort of thing rarely bothers me past the moment I hear it. Within 5-10 minutes after? I have already calmed down, brushed it off. But it turns out the person I counted my best friend was going to be the most detrimental thing to me. Not only was she constantly angry at everything and everyone, she was vocal about it. She would go into fits, she would say cruel things about the people in question and make demands of those around her to keep those people away from her. No matter if it made everything hard on everyone else. She would rant about her own friends to her other friends so every one of her friends thought she was crazy. Why stay friends with someone she had nothing good to say about? We all thought we were the protective party and her other friends were her problem. She destroyed my storyline, my plots, my character over time. She was unloyal in the friendship, making friends with people who had done wrong to me, while putting others in position where they knew they could not go near anyone she did not like. And then, without being aware of it, I was bitching too. I got to a point where I did talk about her to someone else - someone not meant to be part of that community ever again and who I trusted to hush. Just let me vent.
In the end she cut me off because she heard I had mentioned to one human being something that I actually never did. I had not spoken of the subject she thinks I did. But she deleted me and blocked me. And I made no effort to contact her after. Not on Instagram, Facebook, over the phone. Nothing. I was angry. Furious I became just another of her amusements that grew old and got tossed for having valid feelings. And after a few weeks . . . You see the person different. My eyes are open and while I still love her dearly, I know I am better away from her. But it also drove me to leave behind my RP, my character, and that Sim. I mean, the Sim was dying out for me long before. But this sealed the deal.
And now I never write anymore. I don’t really RP because I miss what I built over a period of YEARS. It’s been stripped, ruined, and I can’t rebuild from it because I would have to make moves in the tale I can’t make without the other persons knowing. And I can’t talk to them. Won’t*.
I resent people. And I miss my outlet. And I am angry at the fact people do these things. Drive you out. Smile to your face then turn around and burn your image down. I am no perfect person in the least. But when I no longer get on with someone? I move on. I am civil if I need to ever interact and past that, I just leave them alone. Why is that hard for others?? And why did she have to turn out this way? I never bond to people. I’m not great at being social, I won’t IM you on my own or give you a call even if you are my best friend. But for her, I did. I always wanted to chatter and laugh with her, RP with her and story build with her. I feared for her RL, constantly. I loved her. (Not like that. As in that soulmate friend.) And now the thought of her just breaks my heart. I had never cared about another person as much as her that was not my partner. And even he was always jealous of her.
I made amends with the other friend who spilled that I had said anything at all about her. We were both in bad places and lashed out. He has lied and admitted to it. Apologized and explained. But there is no fixing it where the damage was done. With other people I used to interact with. The fact they let it happen without coming to me, though. . .They aren’t worth me fixing with. And that makes me mad, too. I’m too old for this shit. It’s been 2-3 months now and it still hits hard. I want to sign on and go to Sim and I just . . . It’s not worth it to. They took it away from me for the tiny few mistakes I did make in the end.
Donator — 0% Edible
Posted 6 years ago ( 2018/08/24 23:10:35 )
I had this exchange with my ex last night.
Hm:I hate women
Just saying
Me: ...?
Him: Why can't they just have a sign that says interested or not I thought the cause went well. I know I'm jumping to conclusions but she could at least text. I don't wanna text her cause then I seem too desperate am I making any sense?
Me: o.O okay, so she hasn't contacted you yet?
Him: I was texting her a little bit earlier then she said she was making dinner then nothing
Me: Maybe she's busy?
Donator
Posted 6 years ago ( 2018/08/31 14:40:56 )
You come to work to WORK, not chill with your friends and chat, don't push the blame around either! I'll be the one in shit when i walk in Saturday.. And you had to nerve to spend the rest of your shift SULKING, boo hoo you can't work with who you want, shut up and work, chill out with them after work!
YES, things are changing, but you can't see it was cause we all so LAZY and its was all going further into shit, Ja even said he wouldn't be mad if Jam just FIRED us all and hired a new team. KEEP YOU HEAD ABOVE WATER. You just nod your head and work hard.
Voltie
— boss baby
Posted 6 years ago ( 2018/09/1 10:47:13 )
everything's going wrong... my technology keeps breaking down on me, the only means I have to feed myself, and I'm already barely feeding myself as is... my meager savings keep shrinking, I'm going to have nothing left by the end of this... I don't know what I'm going to do...
I've already been feeling so overwhelmed and stressed with everything that's been going on this year, and I'm so goddamn uncertain and scared about the future, I'm petrified, I'm exhausted... I don't want to ask for help and even if I did I can't ask for help...
I just want to stop being a problem... I have so many people waiting on me and so many people I keep letting down and I don't want to be like this anymore... I need to be useful again...
ahh whatever. time to suck it up and move on now. can't get better if I stop moving.
sorry if you were foolish enough to click this and witness my disgusting emotions, but I warned you
Don't get mad at me.
I can't help that you suddenly started lecturing me kinda aggressively, my anxiety kicked in and your tone of voice was too much for me.. So when you kept using that I tone I couldn't reply properly. I panicked you'd have a go at me again.
I'm sorry I'm shit.
Donator — -
Posted 6 years ago ( 2018/09/9 05:49:13 )
I was forced to listen to actual audio from an actual school shooting and it has disturbed me so bad that even a month after the training, it keeps me up at night. I hate them for forcing us to listen to it. Why was that necessary?
