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Forums Serious Talk It made me feel alone

Donator Posted 4 years ago ( 2020/04/16 11:06:45 )

There is something I rather don't think about and thus I try to aviod it all cost. But I decided to watch a romantic K drama and then the feeling of me feeling alone came back. And it hit hard Right now as I am typing this I am crying. I don't have a good relationship with my parents (they continue to emotional abuse me), have no real life friends, don't like going out thus not will I ever find someone to be with me? Also always have been to afraid to tell a guy I liked them. It's because I have been bullied for 4 years in high school.

I don't know. I just feel like I will end up alone for the rest of my life (I'm 31 now).

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Donator — Any Posted 4 years ago ( 2020/04/16 11:12:14 )

》::: ✿・`.*
Theres always someone out there! Even if that person ends up being yourself in the end.
Obviously, not always a beautiful kpop man hhaha. But theres also nothing wrong with being alone. ~ Sometimes it takes a lot of self love before you even can think about trying to start a relationship.
I never thought anyone would ever love me, because i was bullied my entire school years. Then I was shit on by my entire family. And then by my ex and his entire family. Told every day that i was disgusting, psychotic, ugly, etc.
eventually i left those people behind and focused more on myself. It took a lot of pain and self evaluation.. but seeing my own worth was definitely the best thing I ever did. Everything else fell into place after that. I stopped caring about "being good enough" and accepted me for.. me. Its still a constant battle but I've never been happier. :)
I only really have two supportive people irl, but they're amazing. And I found them after practicing lots of self love.
*.`・✿ ::: 《

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Please ping me!

Donator Posted 4 years ago ( 2020/04/16 11:27:36 )

I don't care if my boyfriend wasn't a handsome kpop man. My biggest love is still metal music. I love going to metal concerts and festivals. Being there just makes me happy and it feels like I belong somewhere.

I just have such a fear of rejecting. My parent's constribute to it. And if I had a job I could just move out but I don't. My biggest passion is graphics design. Even studied for it and got a diploma. But I feel like I will never get a job in it. I got out of school when we had a financial cricis going on so my type of job was hit hard.

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Donator — she/they Posted 4 years ago ( 2020/04/16 12:33:52 )
I used to be where you are. I never/very rarely left the house. My parents loved me a great deal but they are the reason I never left the house. My mother would go into a full panic attack at the thought of me growing up, even when I was well into my 20's. She would threaten suicide, so I just stopped trying. I let myself stagnate because I felt I was worthless and why bother trying? I had one friend who pushed me out of my comfort zones, but that was it. Dating was awful and I did it all wrong. Even with all these things stacked against me, even when my father passed away and my horrible grandmother ruined my family, I managed to get the exact life I wanted. Things just changed for me. In about two years time I went from that lonely, hopeless, barely human feeling to the road to my future. I was 27 when things started changing, but I was about 30 before I moved out of my mothers house and got a real job, was in a steady relationship, and gained friends who are still by my side to this day. It takes some of us a bit longer to get where we want to be, but I think that makes us appreciate it more, and it makes us better at keeping it stable. I met my husband in the worst possible way, on ok cupid :viosweat: EVERY other experience I had with online dating was absolutely horrible, but because I never left my house, that was my only option. (I still wish there was a trustworthy platonic friend making site/app out there...) Somehow, fate threw us together. If you believe in yourself hard enough, life will give you what you need.
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Voltie — he/him Posted 4 years ago ( 2020/04/16 13:17:48 )
mood
im all the same things you said in your first post. abusive parents (emotional, physical, verbal), no friends irl and no friends online to talk to, was bullied and ostracized throughout all of my middle & high school years
not to mention my untreated mental health stuff, i just withdrew from college and now i stay in my apartment alone and sleep ~16 hours a day and do literally nothing constructive because im too unmotivated

kdramas are great, they do a really good job at depicting realistic fictional lives. but we cant forget that they're fiction, and as much as we want to believe them to come true for ourselves, it may never actually happen that way.
it's a really hard wake-up call to digest, especially when life sucks and we need an escape to find hope. but i think it does more harm in the long run to live up in the clouds
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Donator Posted 4 years ago ( 2020/04/16 14:05:25 )

@vengeance: I'm so sorry you feel that way. I don't really have anything useful to say other than that I know what you're going through, I feel the exact same way. I don't know what I will do without my mum, I will be completely alone :(

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Donator Posted 4 years ago ( 2020/04/16 14:11:37 )

@glume: I do leave the house. I love to go shopping and go to concerts/festivals. But going to for example a bar to meet people. Nop. I just feel so out of place. I hate how I look on pictures so I am not happy about being on an online dating site. We have this tv show where you go on a blind date. And I wouldn't mind taking part if I wasn't a really picky eater.

@boyrrito: I thankfully have online friends but it is not the same (you can always come chat in my threads). They are still very far away. I most of the time stick to asian actions, triller and horror movies and it's for a good reason. I should do the same for asian series. I have watched some romantics one in the past, Zettai Kareshi (To much crying for me. I cannot deal with sad things. Did like it tho), One Pound Gospel (I laughed my ass of), Code Blue (wow me watching a medical drama), Celeb to Binbō Taro, and Hanazakarino Kimitachihe (aww I loved it).

@sunny: Yeh and it sucks. If I still had a job it would be better because then you have coworkers to destract you.

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Donator — she/they Posted 4 years ago ( 2020/04/16 16:10:20 )
@vengeance: I was just relating my experience, not saying you don't get out enough. Bars are trash, though. You can just as easily meet someone in a less-pressured environment. Metal concerts should be great for that, just jump into a smoke circle outside the venue and mingle, unless the smoke drastically bothers you, most metalheads love to gab about metal with other metalheads. Obviously this may have to wait 'till after the pandemic passes. (Also, I didn't put up a picture when I did internet dating because it was a great way to avoid most of the perverts, so its not necessary. )
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Ping me, Devil Daddy, ping me.




Donator Posted 4 years ago ( 2020/04/16 16:39:05 )

@vengeance: yeah it does. You can always talk to me if you want to :)

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currently: new novel who dis?

q u e s t i n g :
beanie doll! thank u cookie

Donator Posted 4 years ago ( 2020/04/16 17:01:15 )

@Glume: I do sometimes talk to metalheads about metal. But when it happens they are always way older then me somehow XD
We have a hard rock bar in my city. But I am not going there alone. And the person from my last work that asked me to go was a no since he liked me and I did not like him.

@sunny: I almost always ping you when yo are online. So we do talk a lot.

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