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Posted in 2022 goals Posted 5 months ago
Mine are lofty, but I need to get things done in 2022 because I am sick of my goals being the same. XD

Most important goal is to fix my diet, exercise, and lifestyle. D: I am overweight, have been most of my life and literally all of my adult life, but I also have loads of health problems and I am hoping that if I cut out grains, sugars and processed foods that things will right themselves and I can start healing.

Second most important goal is I need to fix my finances. It kind of relates to the first because my depression causes me to overspend and most commonly that is on eating out or ordering food in. D: It's literally my addiction. I have my first therapy appointment about it tomorrow, actually.

Third is I really want to start practicing my spirituality. It's a side of me I have been trying to reconnect with for a long time and I would like to do that this year.
It's a weird one for me. I have a love/hate relationship with this time of year. I always hated how my family did the holidays. My parents were abusive people and kept me very sheltered and secluded, so spending time with them was never fun growing up. As an adult, it had always felt like an obligation to come over and see them and cook the big dinner. I always couldn't wait to eat and then leave. Then when my mom (grandma, but she raised me thinking she was my mom) died and it was just my dad (step-grandpa, but again, he raised me and was actually a good dad) we got used to the last couple of years it being him, myself and my husband for all of the holidays. Now it's the first Christmas since he passed in the summer and it's just... Weird. He did and said things I didn't like, but I wish he was here. Even if I had to suffer through watching Bad Santa with him again, I miss my dad.

But we've tried to make the most of things. I have a medical condition that makes showering painful and hard, but I took my first full shower in about two months. I put product in my hair. I am even going to do my nails. I'm trying to just take care of myself today, relaxing and just letting things rest before Monday when I try to prepare for the new year. I have big plans for getting my life back on track, which is stressful. But that's another day's worries.

I hope you've all had a good holiday. Cherish the ones you love, really.
Posted in Any weekend plans? Posted 5 months ago
Last weekend we did some serious rearranging in the "spare room" so this weekend I want to try to do more of that.

Saturday is the only day my husband and I have off together, so we try to get errands done. We're planning to take some bottles and cans to the recycling facility to get deposit back and then go to the pawn shop and sell some more of my dad's collection of DVDs to make some money. (We're slowly working our way back into better financial standing, but it has been rough!) Then we're going to come home and likely work on some cleaning, but we'll see because I'm in a lot of pain tonight so I am not sure how much I will be able to tolerate tomorrow.

Sunday he works in the early afternoon to all evening so I will likely just take some time and relax, bleach/dye my hair from pink back to blonde, and try to live my best life. XD Because I often get Sunday blues.
Posted in is there anything? Posted 5 months ago
Sometimes there isn't anything.

But there is the chance that there might be something tomorrow, or the next day. Maybe it's a year or two in the future. It can take muddling through dark times to find happier ones.

This is literally the best response.

@Shark: I literally feel this way everyday too. It's really hard. I hope we both find our happiness soon.

I just need to seriously vent about what a shit show my life is, k? Separating with spoilers because I need to vent about like... Various things. Lol.

So, I actually like my JOB but I hate a few things about the workforce in America as a whole and my upper management. I'm not a well individual (will vent about that in another spoiler in a second lol). America doesn't give a shit about those of us who aren't well. It's all just go to work and be miserable. So I just got hired on in July. I was doing so good not calling out, which was a huge step for me because at my previous jobs it got pretty bad. Then my husband got COVID and because I was directly exposed I had quarantined. Like I was told to do. Well, evidently because my tests were negative when I got them done, none of the time I had taken off to quarantine was excused and each and every day of those ten days counted against me as an absence. Then illness took it's toll, as it does. I was out here and there over a few more weeks. Then recently I was severely sick with a cold of some sort. I missed an entire week. Then when I got back to work I had a meeting with my boss and HR to talk about an accommodation request so that I could start going to my appointments, because no time off during my scheduled work hours were approved even for appointments planned in advance. So I got my stupid accommodation, but it was brought to my attention that I was absent an average of 1.5 days per week since hire and that being sick was not going to be part of what was excused in my accommodation request, which duh. And then I checked my schedule that my boss just posted today and she denied my request to leave two hours earlier for my physical on Monday that I had already rescheduled once because it was during a sale we were having (which, I totally understand but keep in mind I had scheduled it more than a month in advance), that I have had scheduled for another month at this point. But she gave me all of Wednesday off "because we agreed on Wednesdays being the appointment day per accommodation." Even though in my meeting for the accommodation request we had discussed me still keeping my appointment for my physical. But no, instead it makes more sense to her to give me Wednesday off and make me reschedule the physical, which I can't possibly get for Wednesday on such short notice, than to just let me leave two hours early. So, I guess I get a day off of work with no appointments and just reschedule my physical for a Wednesday in the new year.

So my health is a whole big, long thing. I will start from the beginning because it all ties together. I grew up poor, was emotionally abused and was forced to eat extreme amounts for a period of time when I was around 8 which then led to continued poor eating habits on food that wasn't healthy in the first place, because we were poor. So I grew to be pretty overweight from the age of 8 and onward. At 17 I was 280 pounds and my periods stopped. Went to the doctor for the first time, because I never was put on health insurance, and was told I had PCOS and insulin resistance. I didn't really know what healthy eating was or how important taking care of myself was so I ended up being diagnosed with type 2 diabetes at 23 and I also suffered from infertility. I got pregnant at 25 and during pregnancy was diagnosed with high blood pressure, high cholesterol, and chronic kidney disease. I ended up miscarrying in my second trimester. At 27 I got mono and that spiraled my health more. My mono got complicated and I got a rare side effect that caused painful lumps on my legs. That turned in to ulcers and I now have ulcers all of the way around my lower legs. I also have never felt like I fully recovered from the mono. I was diagnosed with a condition that is an auto immune response, but a lot of doctors associate it as a diabetes complication even though recent science has proven it isn't. Everything is automatically passed off as a diabetes symptom when you're diabetic and it is shit. I recently met someone at work that has this rare condition called sarcoidosis. I played with the thought that I may have that when I first had all of this happen, but assumed not because it is rare. After all I have been through and after revisiting the symptoms, I truly believe I have this. I was going to bring it up to my doctor but I feel like there is no point because they won't take it seriously anyway. On top of that, I think I am having issues with my gallbladder and that my body isn't metabolizing fat. Another aspect to all of this is that I have binge eating disorder, food addiction, and I comfort eat, so I have the hardest time getting on track with eating how I should. But if I can manage to do it, I believe I can put my diabetes in remission. My diabetes doctor does not believe in remission, but wants to always prescribe pills. I just tried the most common one, and it caused severe abdominal pain. It's just a whole stressful and expensive mess.

And on top of work stress and health stress, and calling out of work, our finances are so bad off. We're constantly $500+ overdrawn these days. I don't even know what to do anymore. It seems like even when we borrow money we just get deeper and deeper in the hole. We borrowed $400 just so we could overdraw our bank $600+ (some of which ended up being fees) to pay rent. My husband just got paid and we are going to be overdrawn again tomorrow once a few things come out. Our electric, internet and phone bills are due and I can't pay them. I need gas and food. It's a mess. I'm trying to sell my dad's collectible toy cars and we're selling some DVDs to the pawn shop tomorrow, but it won't be enough. In the evening I've been staying up later hoping to get some jobs from this online job I do, but it isn't making much money. I'm just at a loss.

And on top of that, this time of year is always so hard for me because it's the anniversary of my miscarriage and all that happened with that. This year also is harder because it was my dad's favorite time of year and this is the first year without him. And we're living in this rundown house that we moved into when I was 12 that holds too many bad memories for me. And if the memories weren't enough, it is cluttered with my dad's things he was hoarding and we still live in just the living room with the smaller bedroom being the computer room so my husband has a place to work.

I just hate my life right now. All that I love about it is my cats and husband, and then sometimes they are jerks too.

Oh well.

Posted in .-. should I start selling arts? Posted 6 months ago

I always get nervous about this sort of thing, but I had the inspiration to draw my avatar and well, now I am wondering if there would be interest in me selling avatar art on here?

please be kind .___.

Posted in [S] Inventory Liquidation [B] Ohms, Art Posted 6 months ago

@dragoness129: Would you be willing to trade my Plague Doctor for Autumnal Spruce and Keep Warm?

I also was wondering if I could buy these for 26k volts?: Raver, Faerie Queen, Gone Batty, and Heartbreak Coffin.

Posted in Selling some thangs~ (Up To Date as of 12/8) Posted 6 months ago

Thank you all! Updated the list. :)

Posted in Selling some thangs~ (Up To Date as of 12/8) Posted 6 months ago

@Vii: Sounds good to me. :) It's so hard to price things sometimes. D:

@Purpsy: Sounds good!

Posted in I feel... weird? Posted 6 months ago

@Ark: I am glad to hear it, hang on to that excitement! ♥ And come to me whenever you want with anything. ^-^

Posted in I made myself my avatar, lol Posted 6 months ago

@Kory: The hair though. ♥♥♥

Posted in I made myself my avatar, lol Posted 6 months ago

@Delightfully: I love the blue hair. ♥

@Bean: They so are. I wear them every day at work haha.

@icedchai: I feel like how you dress matches your username though! Not boring. I love it. ♥

Posted in Selling some thangs~ (Up To Date as of 12/8) Posted 6 months ago

@Vii: I do still have all of those! What might you want to trade/offer? :)

@NixieFae: Lmao, no worries at all. Trade accepted. :)

@dragoness129: Sounds good to me! I'll start the trade.

Posted in I made myself my avatar, lol Posted 6 months ago

@Count Trashula: I agree, it is hard. My avatar is missing like 10 pounds of cat hair. XP