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Forums Serious Talk Feeling very stressed lately

Donator — She/her Posted 4 years ago ( 2020/09/4 16:22:28 )


Hi all,

I just feel like I had to write this down. I'm going to focus on what is personally stressing me out. I could write a whole essay on how 2020 events are stressing us all out and traumatizing us all, from the killing of black men by the police, to the election/Trump, to USPS, to the pandemic, to the extreme weather the US is facing, to Climate Change, to the US's car dependency, to unprecedented times we are all going through. (Sorry that most of that was US centric, I know that every country is facing its challenges but the US has never been this fascist before.

So all of that is going on, and I am affected by it, but also I just moved across the country (which I'm happy about but that doesn't mean that it's easy or stress free), I'm adjusting to a new place in a pandemic, my mom is coming to visit this weekend (she had heart surgery in July) so I was stressing about that before and after her surgery. She is 60. So since I'm not fully unpacked I have to scramble to get my 2nd bedroom/office ready for her, in top of working 40 hours a week.

My job, which I love except for my boss's boss, is letting me go at the end of the month and they hired a new girl to do my job instead of me. I don't hate her. In fact I had coffee with her today and she is super nice. I think we could be friends, but why did my Boss's Boss make the decision not to keep me and to hire another person? I am so good at my job and I never cause any trouble. My boss and a few coworkers tried to fight to keep me on, but this person didn't want to hear it and hired outside the company someone with the same level of experience as me (and actually no background in this field, so I guess I should've had a leg up?).
And I know that I should just say F them, not my problem anymore, but like I don't really want to lose this job during a pandemic. It's WFH, the pay is good, and I like all of my coworkers and I'm good at this job. What more could you really ask for in 2020? I'm sure that I will be able to get another job after this but like what if I can't get a work from home one? There is no way during a pandemic (which is super bad in the US right now) for what get paid that I would risk my life. So I'm not going to be working for a little while after this? Which I guess is good because then I can unpack more, but I would rather spend my time making money.
Also my condo in CA hasn't sold (mostly because of the wildfires making it so no one could leave their house) but also there aren't any open houses right now in CA. So the people that do view it have to be pretty serious. It's also a one bedroom and most people now are looking for at least a two bed since most people are WFH. So that means that right now I'm paying for a mortgage and rent in two expensive places.

I feel like I have no time to relax and when I do make time for relaxing I can only think about what I haven't gotten done and it's hard. Last night I spent the whole night after work just fighting off a panic attack. My heart rate was between 110 and 150 sitting down. But that I started worry about my heart health since my mom just had her 2nd heart surgery. But also I do think I'm ok, but what if I'm not, but I can't see a Dr during a pandemic that sounds risky and then what if I do have a heart condition? It's just so scary to think about.

Oh also work has just been super busy. I make myself take breaks but there is just so much to do before I leave. Once again, I should say F it, but I really like my coworkers and it's not their fault I'm leaving. They all wanted me to stay and love my work ethic.

I don't know what to say. I'm sure that some of these personal stresses will go away, like the unpacking, and my house in CA will probably sell soon, but until that happens I'm just stuck in this limbo. Trying to be proactive but also just treading water.

The amount of injustice in this country holds heavy on my heart too. I'm very worried about the election. Homeland Security just released a statement saying that Russia is trying to spread lies about the integrity of the 2020 election, so that if Trump loses people won't accept that outcome. I'm worry about more black people dying and no one doing anything about it. We are about 100 days into these protests and nothing is happening. We shouldn't stop but it just feels hopeless. The USPS is being fucked over and it's every Americans right to a working, functioning postal system. It's going to be hard for everyone's vote to be counted.

And just for the record, I am not BIPOC. Growing up I lived in a town and went to a school that was about half white and half black. I can only somewhat understand what it feels like to have racism daily in your face from when I lived in England, but it's nothing like what you all face everyday. I am an ally, and I have written letters to congress and my state legislature fighting for change, fighting to get those cops out of a job. I always vote and I will also defend injustice that I see. I just feel like it's not enough. What can I do that make these racist assholes see what these people are just people. Trying to live their life. Just trying to go to the store to get milk for their babies. Just trying to get a job and live their lives through all the bullshit and heartache. I'm tired.

I feel like I can't touch on anymore subjects even though I would love to also get into climate change, the wildfires, floods and hurricanes but I guess I'll save that for another day.


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Donator — She/her Posted 4 years ago ( 2020/09/4 16:23:22 )


That might be the longest post I've ever written.

TL;DL You should really read the above but basically 2020 is slowly killing me on a personal level and a broader level too.


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Donator Posted 4 years ago ( 2020/09/4 17:17:40 )

@Totalanimefan: :( I read this whole thing but tbh I can't really comment on much because I have no experience with most of what you mentioned. I just know you have really been through it lately :( I wish things were easier for you. You can always come chat with me if you need anything, even though I'm not really able to offer proper advice. I will always listen and try my best.

In the meantime, is there any way you can take some time off for yourself? Panic attacks are terrible (I have suffered with them) and they can linger for ages. Try and listen to some calming music, I found that rain sounds helped me a lot.

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Donator — Frog bless Posted 4 years ago ( 2020/09/4 18:24:29 )

Your boss's boss is an A-hole and they probably fired you because they thought they were paying you too much. This is exactly what's wrong with the US today. Corporate greed.

I hope you're able to find a good job soon. Just remember to take one day at a time.
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Donator — She/her Posted 4 years ago ( 2020/09/4 20:25:32 )


@KDA Drew: To quote Zuko “That’s rough buddy” I hope it all gets better for you soon.
@sunny: thank you. Just saying something is better than nothing. It means a lot to me.
@Priestess of Pie: They are a jerk. I still don’t really understand why they aren’t keeping me. It could be your reason for sure. I kinda think it’s cause the people who trained me left the company cause they didn’t like this person and now I’m the “only one left” kinda? I don’t know. It could also be because they don’t really understand what I do because they don’t use this Congrats Management system? Idk


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Donator — She/her Posted 4 years ago ( 2020/09/4 22:51:18 )


@koneko: that’s a great idea. ^^ I would make it after the event ends. I think people are mostly just hanging out in the event forum atm

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Donator — She/her Posted 4 years ago ( 2020/09/5 02:36:27 )


@koneko: I will think about things that I will add to that list.

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Donator — She/Her Posted 4 years ago ( 2020/09/5 02:53:55 )
All those things sound very stressful indeed. The stuff going on with your job sounds like the most stressful (to me).

Hope you can find another one that you really like! Also hope your mom's visit goes well.
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Feel free to add me on Discord: aisu9811

Donator — She/her Posted 4 years ago ( 2020/09/5 21:32:24 )


@Aisukohi: yeah I think the job is the most stressful for sure.

So far I’m having a good time with my mom. My tummy is feeling a bit upset atm. I hope it passes soon.


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